Even In Heaven
by I Fancy Hugh Dancy
Summary: Even in Heaven, the Saints still cry. The Saints have returned to Dublin. When Murphy reunites with a childhood friend, will sparks fly, even amongst the bullets? Rating will definitely go up in later chapters. MurphyOC. Sequel up!
1. Dublin Calling

**+ EVEN IN HEAVEN +**

**Written by:** Lourdes, a.k.a. **I Fancy Hugh Dancy**

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"_**If You Don't Believe"**_

_**By: The Class of '98**_

_I like the way the sunrise ends this night  
All I want to do right now is waste more time with you  
All we have to be is human 'cos that's what we are  
But for me, you're an angel_

_C'mon love I know that this was always meant to be  
Say would you shoot me down if you just don't believe  
C'mon love my fear right now this feeling might not stay  
Oh, what can I say  
So you won't walk away_

_When will this sun set in my life  
'Cause all I want to do right now is waste more time with you  
And all the roads lead to heaven led me to your arms  
Where I feel like an angel_

_C'mon..._

_If you walk away right now, you'll silence the stars  
And we'll fall like the angels_

_Oh,what can I say_

_So you won't walk away  
'Cause all I want to do right now is waste more time with you._

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**Rating: **T – MA for violence, language and adult situations.

**Genre:** Romance/Drama/Angst

**Summary: ** The Saints have returned to Dublin. When Murphy reunites with a childhood friend, will sparks fly, even amongst the bullets? Murphy/OC

**Disclaimer: **This story is pure fanfiction. People, places and names have been altered to fit into the plot. I do not own the Saints or any of the recognizable characters from the film. I own Lourdes and various other stock characters that appear in the story.

**Author's Note: **Hey everyone! This is my second Boondock Saints fic. I'm doing this for fun since I had a lot of ideas swirling about in my head. Check out my first BDS fic, **"Path To Sainthood"** if you have the time! I'll try to update both as much as possible. Enjoy!

I would love to hear from anyone and everyone. Any comments, questions, corrections, constructive criticism, suggestions and encouragement are welcome and appreciated!

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**Chapter 1: Dublin Calling**

"Bless ye, Lourdes lass, for comin' on such short notice. I'm already trippin' on my tits, for fuck's sake. I don't need a fuckin' heart attack to go along with it!"

I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at Mrs. MacManus's expression, hands gesturing to her breasts, carrying them as though they weighed a hundred pounds each. As I placed my belongings in a nearby couch, I strode to her side, taking the greasy spatula from her hand, now looking after the cooking duties as she began to rummage through the utter warzone that was her kitchen. I had to bite my bottom lip in order to keep from chuckling once more, for she had began to curse and drink simultaneously while beginning to gather all the rubbish that she had collected the night before and empty them haphazardly into the bin. She had such a character, that Mrs. Annabelle MacManus – or what everyone called her, Ma MacManus – which is why I don't blame my own mother, a woman with a similar disposition, for forging a tight friendship with her.

My mother and Annabelle MacManus have been friends ever since I could remember, but they really became close when Mrs. MacManus' husband left. Nobody other than Ma or my mother knew exactly the story behind it, but I never really thought to ask, since it was none of my business anyway. From what I could remember about my childhood, though, was that I would always spend time with the MacManus twins. They had a couple of years ahead of me, and we never really had much in common, but when they were suddenly left with only a mother, I was practically _forced_ to spend some time with them. It was perfect, in my parents' eyes, since I was an only child. Along with a few other neighbourhood kids, they would always cause a ruckus one way or another, and somehow, they would _always_ manage to bring me along with them.

Bastards!

That was the case until they left Dublin. Again, the details are fuzzy, since the adults thought that I wouldn't understand, but when they were about 15, they were sent off to live in Boston somewhere with a few relatives from Ma's side. Ma thought that it would be the best for them since it was hard times in Dublin at the time, especially without their father, and whether she would admit it or not, her drinking problem wasn't helping either. But now, after a few years, she has thankfully managed to get a hold of herself. So, to celebrate, she thought it was a good idea to finally have her boys come home.

This is why she's a _complete_ mess at the moment.

I couldn't blame her for having so much anxiety with her sons returning after all these years. I could only imagine how much she's missed 'the ungrateful pissants' and that she wants to make everything _perfect_ for when they arrive.

Which, I believe, should be any moment now.

I must admit, though, that I myself am a little nervous about meeting them again. Hell, I don't even remember the last time I saw them! They were in Dublin one moment and gone the next. I haven't had any contact with them over the years, so I think it'll be interesting to see what actually became of the two boneheads. I wouldn't be surprised if they've gotten themselves into trouble of the past years! They seem to have a knack for doing that.

The sudden ring of the doorbell caught both of our attentions. Ma immediately began to stop her rummaging, straightening her back as she gave me a wide-eyed stare. I pursed my lips in amusement, commenting, "Ma, ye look like a doe caught in headlights."

"Fuck." She mumbled, pacing nervously as she took a peek through the window. "Must be them."

I raised an eyebrow in question, walking to her side. "And why are ye not answering the door? I would think ye'd be excited to see yer sons again after all these years!"

She let out a groan, running her hands slowly over her wrinkled face. "It's been more than 10 fuckin' years since I've seen 'em in person, lass! I don't know what to fuckin' say! For all I know they'd be kickin' my fat ass all over this place for pullin' that suicide trick on 'em!"

I let out an exasperated breath through my bottom lip, blowing away some tendrils of my hair from my face. I shook my head, "Ma, ye are definitely not acting the way ye should. Now open the bloody door! The boys must be as anxious to see ye as ye are about seein' 'em!"

"Ye open the door."

"Ma, ye can't be _serious_!"

Oh, she was serious. She made no effort whatsoever to walk towards the door, standing firm at her place. Rolling my eyes in mock frustration, I handed her over the spatula, giving her a mockingly pointed look as I strode towards the door. Reaching it after a few seconds, I swiftly opened it, slightly stepping back to see who was before me. I was immediately met with questioning blue eyes.

"Who the fuck are ye?"

_Well, _that's_ certainly a friendly greeting!_, I snorted inwardly, meeting his inquiring gaze with an offended brow. As I continued to eye the male stranger, I found that I felt no sense of familiarity when it came to him. His short, brown hair was combed towards the front, spiking up ever so slightly in front. He wore simple blue jeans, a black shirt, and an all black tweed coat to top it off. His eyes, I must admit, were his distinguishing asset: sparkling blue with hints of green around the pupil.

After a few moments of surveying him, I rejoined, "The question in, _sir_, who the fuck are _ye_?"

"Murphy MacManus." He replied curtly, the unamused expression on his face not changing. He kept his stance firm. "So…who the fuck are ye and what the fuck are ye doin' in my Ma's house?"

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**A/N: **So what do you guys think so far? Should I continue this story or just keep writing **Path To Sainthood**? Let me know if you fancy a Murphy/OC romance:) Cheers! xx IFHD


	2. ReIntroductions

**A/N****: Thank you SO much to Nyah1, wolfchick 11, IrishSaints, Effigy and Krycek's Immortal Slayer for reviewing! You guys don't know how much I appreciate your feedback. It keeps me inspired and writing when I know that people are reading and enjoying my work, so thank you! But also thank you to those that read, whoever you may be! ) Here's the next chapter. I'm working hard on both this story and "Path To Sainthood", so no worries! xx IFHD**  
**IrishSaints**: I know what you mean, but I name my characters the same for copyright purposes. :)

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**Chapter 2: Re-Introductions**

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"_**Iris"**_

_**By: Goo Goo Dolls**_

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be_

_And I don't want to go home right now_

_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

'_Cause sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight_

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_Or the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah you'd bleed just to know you're alive._

_And I don't want the world to see me_

_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

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_This_ was Murphy MacManus? The same Murphy that was awkward, skinny and so pale that for years I thought he was practically anemic? The same Murphy that would play pranks on me daily, once nearly lighting _me_ on fire when one of his make-believe 'hits' didn't go as planned? I groaned. Ten fuckin' years better have done this man some good!

Without a word or sign of recognition, I instantly punched him on the side of the arm, hitting him where I knew would hurt him the most. He slightly jumped at my unexpected reaction, hissing through clenched teeth as he rubbed his injury. "What the fuck?!" he exclaimed, his face now scrunched in the wake of his upset, eyes squinted and stabbing daggers in my direction. "The fuck's yer problem?"

Crossing my arms sternly and tapping my foot in the process, I snapped, "Ye know, even after all these years, ye've _still_ got to learn some manners."

"What?" Now Murphy was obviously even _more_ confused, by the looks of him. I didn't budge from my position in front of the door, and neither did he. We stood at a standstill, as if trying to predict how the other would react. Now scratching his head, he twisted his neck slightly to the side, though his eyes remained upon me. He called out behind him, "Con, are ye fuckin' sure we got the right house, 'cause…"

"'Course we have the fuckin' right house!" His voice literally made my heart jump. Yes, I'll even admit it – I was soft on Connor when we were younger. I mean, who wasn't at that time? He was one of the best looking guys, even back then, on this side of town. Girls left and right would fall head over heels for him, and really, he would take it as it came. Not that he was conceited or anything, but he did bask in all the attention that he was receiving. Hopping out of his car, he busily collected all of their belongings from the backseat. He popped his head through the window, hauling massive duffle bags upon his back. I wasn't surprised that the somewhat scrawny little Connor grew up to be, well, what resembled a regular Hollywood movie star. America must've done him some good, I guess.

Murphy's raised voice instantly shook me from my musings. "Ye fuckin' _sure_ this is the right house?"

"Murph, ye dick, the mailbox says 'MacManus' on it, for Christ's fuckin' sake."

Murphy's gaze turned away from my form, landing upon the mailbox a meter to his right. "Oh."

Stifling a laugh, I repeatedly clicked my tongue, tilting my head to the side. "And I see ye _still_ have a lot of learning to do in the general sense of the word."

At this point, all patience was drawn from his expression. Holding out a finger in front of him, utterly serious now, he barked, "Alright, who are ye and what have ye done with my Ma?"

"Murphy, me boy!" Ma's deafening voice came from behind me suddenly, rightly startling me. Murphy's eyes slid to his mother, who simply bounced as she excitedly made her way towards the door. Holding out her arms, she immediately grabbed her Murphy in a great bear hug, repeatedly kissing his face in various places. Murphy found that he wasn't able to escape from her death grip and was merely able to whine and squirm as she continued her kissing assault on the poor man. I couldn't help but laugh out loud now, doubling over at the simultaneous amusing and touching sight.

Since the two were quite preoccupied becoming acquainted once more, I stepped out onto the porch, looking out into the driveway. To my further amusement, Connor was now grunting and struggling with carrying his belongings, waddling backwards as he tried to keep his balance. Lifting his foot ever so slowly, he tried unsuccessfully to kick the back door closed; barely able to see _where_ he was kicking since a bag was hung about his neck. Hearing him mumble curses that would make God himself squirm in his sandals, I finally called out, "Need any help?"

He perked up to the sound of my voice, as if taken aback. He stood, motionless, beside his car, with a variety of four bags still hanging from various parts of his body. The confused expression that first appeared on Murphy's face was now evident upon his as he began, "Um…who are ye?"

Well, I guess it really has been _ages_ since the last time I've seen them, so I shouldn't be surprised that they aren't able to recognize me anymore. I guess I have changed a lot myself, wholeheartedly thankful that I've finally grown out of that awkward stage. I myself wouldn't have recognized either of them if I didn't know they were coming to town. Giving him a playful smile, I merely recounted, "Daredevil stunt with shopping cart at Bunker Hill. End result: ye and I having the same scratches on the face while Murphy's ass bruised in several different places."

"Holy shit!" he exclaimed, eyes growing as wide as saucers. In an instant, he dropped all of his bags simultaneously, as if exhibiting his complete bewilderment. He mumbled to himself, "It _can't_ be…"

I gave him a sweet smile, tilting my chin a little higher as I crossed my arms with pride. "Fuckin' right, it is."

"But…" Connor began to walk towards me, hands held out as though I were a mere apparition. "Ye…ye were fat, nerdy and…kinda ugly."

My mouth immediately dropped to the ground, highly offended by his latter statement. Thank you, Connor, for being the epitome of politeness! Ensuing my assault on the cheeky man, I repeatedly punched his arm, berating him in the process. "I swear, Connor MacManus, ye and that brother o' yers better learn some manners while yer here, because I won't stand for it! I don't know what America did to the both o' ye, but I sure as hell don't like it one bit!"

All Connor did was chuckle throughout my onslaught, somewhat protecting himself by holding out his arms in front of him. He laughed even more boisterously when I failed to hit him several times, his defenses apparently too much for me. Trying to catch his breath through his giggles, he held up his hands to his sides in silent surrender, taking a few steps back. "Alright, alright, I apologize! So are ye gonna help me with me these bags or what?"

Before I could reply through my agape mouth, Murphy re-appeared from behind me, wiping his face with the back of his hand in simultaneous embarrassment and disgust. With a wrinkled expression plastered on his face, he proclaimed with a tilt of his head, "Alright, Con, it's yer turn to greet Ma. Don't worry, I got the bulk of it already.' He repeatedly patted his twin brother on the shoulder, quirking a brow as a small smirk tugged on his lips. "Took one for the team. Ye can thank me later."

It was Connor's turn to wrinkle his handsome face, mimicking his brother's expression. Handing me the smallest bag through an incoherent mumble, he gave me a nod as a gesture of thanks as he said, "I'll see ye inside, then. I'll leave the two o' ye to catch up for now." Hauling the numerous bags over his shoulders once more, Connor headed towards the door, amusedly dreading his mother's greetings.

"So what do we need to catch up on, exactly?"

I twisted my head to meet Murphy's inquiring gaze, his blue eyes not sparkling with curious interest. He took a few steps forward, glinting eyes still upon me as though he were trying to recognize me. Clearing my throat in the midst of his unflinching gaze, I continued to meet his stare, as if challenging him to guess. "I think Connor was referring to the more than ten years that we haven't seen or even spoken to one another."

"So…I'm supposed to know ye or somethin'?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Murphy!" I cried out exasperatedly, finally giving him a light shove on the arm for good measure. "It's Lourdes!"

"Where?" He even twisted his head around to survey our surroundings.

What an insufferable man! I mean, I certainly remember him continuously annoying me, purposely rather, but now that he's annoying me without knowing it, well, it was even _more_ annoying! With a squeak of frustration, I pushed past him unceremoniously, the duffel bag dangling from my arm. "May the devil swallow ye sideways!" I muttered under my breath. As I stomped up the porch, I heard his quick steps behind me, coming closer until he rightly _jumped_ in front of me.

Taking my arm gently and swirling me to face him, a bright grin appeared on his face, a laugh escaping through his lips. "Holy mother fuckin' shit, it's really ye!" Without warning, he drowned me in an excited embrace, paying little attention to the bag in between us. He exclaimed, "I'd have recognized that curse from anywhere!"

"Finally, MacManus!" I replied in a relieved tone, returning his embrace by wrapping my arms lightly around him. "I thought I would never have drilled that fact through that thick skull o' yers!"

He stepped back from my form, his lips now curled into a smirk. He held out his hands to his sides with a tilt of his head. "Hey, gimme a break, will ye? It's been more than ten years. How the hell am I supposed to recognize how ye look?" He emphasized the point by freely roaming his eyes upon my form in an excruciatingly slow manner, starting from my head, stopping at my toes, then landing back upon my eyes. I noticed his blue orbs flicker as he commented, "Yeah, I _definitely_ wouldn't have recognized ye. No way in hell."

I felt the heat rise up my cheeks, the flirtatious sparkle in his blue eyes only increasing at my exhibited discomfort. Clearing my throat to wash away the embarrassment, I nervously patted my shirt down, forcing my weighted feet to move once more. "So now that we have all the re-introductions covered, how about we go inside? You must be starving."

"Yeah." Brushing his calloused fingers upon my hand as he retrieved the light bag from my grasp, Murphy pursed his lips in a thoughtful manner, giving his head a slow, nod. "We have a lot of catchin' up ta do."

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**Notes:**

_May the devil swallow ye sideways – _an old Irish curse

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**A/N****: What'd you guys think of that? You all getting excited for some Murphy and Connor action? haha xx IFHD**


	3. Photographs

**A/N: Thank you to IrishSaints, Krycek's Immoral Slayer, Nyah1, IrishBoysareHott and wolfchick11 for all of your kind reviews! I have decided to keep writing this story because of your positive feedback! Hope you enjoy this next installment. If you haven't had the chance to do so, check out my first BDS fic, "Path to Sainthood". Happy reading! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 3: Photographs**

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_**"Photograph"**_

_**By: Nickelback**_

_Look at this photograph  
Everytime I do it makes me laugh  
How did our eyes get so red  
And what the hell is on Joey's head_

_And this is where I grew up  
I think the present owner fixed it up  
I never knew we'd ever went without  
The second floor is hard for sneaking out_

_And this is where I went to school  
Most of the time had better things to do  
Criminal record says I broke in twice  
I must have done it half a dozen times_

_I wonder if it's too late  
Should i go back and try to graduate  
Life's better now then it was back then  
If I was them I wouldn't let me in_

_Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I_

_Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye.  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye._

_Remember the old arcade  
Blew every dollar that we ever made  
The cops hated us hangin' out  
They say somebody went and burned it down_

_We used to listen to the radio  
And sing along with every song we know  
We said someday we'd find out how it feels  
To sing to more than just the steering wheel_

_Kim's the first girl I kissed  
I was so nervous that I nearly missed  
She's had a couple of kids since then  
I haven't seen her since god knows when_

_Oh, oh, oh  
Oh, god, I_

_Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye.  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye._

_I miss that town  
I miss the faces  
You can't erase  
You can't replace it  
I miss it now  
I can't believe it  
So hard to stay  
Too hard to leave it_

_If I could I relive those days  
I know the one thing that would never change_

_Every memory of looking out the back door  
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye.  
Every memory of walking out the front door  
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for  
It's hard to say it, time to say it  
Goodbye, goodbye._

_Look at this photograph  
Everytime I do it makes me laugh  
Everytime I do it makes me..._

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Boisterous and maniacal laughter, mindless and drunken chatter, pint glasses clinking in joyous celebration – the MacManus house was the pub tonight. Crammed into the modest, suburban home was practically the entire city, bursting forth through the doors and onto the backyard and even trickling down the porch and onto the driveway. When Mrs. MacManus said that she was going to throw a huge shindig for her boys, she truly meant it! Including my own parents, she must've literally called every single person she knew in Dublin and had convinced them to come over tonight. I must admit, though, that I was having a hell of a good time, since I can't even remember the last time I've been to a party like this.

Connor and Murphy had spent the evening unpacking in their old rooms while I helped Mrs. MacManus prepare for the party; which, not surprisingly, mostly entailed going to the store and filling up the trunk and backseat with loads of booze. When we returned, though, a handful of people were already inside the house, being amusedly entertained by the twins. It didn't take long before _everyone_ started to show up and you practically had to push your way through the crowd to make it from one place to another. I knew only half of the people that were there, but nevertheless I said my polite greetings and did my rounds.

I consciously searched for the MacManus brothers amongst the sea of people. I never did have much of a chance to talk to the two of them tonight, and it would be kind of nice to catch up with them again. But it was definitely getting a little too claustrophobic in this house, especially when have the people could barely move because they were so drunk. Finally giving up my search after a few minutes, I made my way upstairs, searching instead for some place of solace. Seeing one of the bedroom doors slightly ajar, I walked through without knocking – or thinking, for that matter – and immediately froze at the doorway. Instead of finding an empty room, I could make out Murphy's form through the dim light, and then heard the slight giggle of a woman.

"Jesus Christ!" I mumbled under my breath as I rolled my eyes, taking a step back out into the corridor once more. It has only been at least 5 hours since the boys had landed in fuckin' Dublin, and Murphy's already getting it on with a girl? Nice one, Murphy. I always thought you'd grow up to be a fine, young gentleman, the epitome of all that's righteous, truthful and just!

Before I reached the stairs, though, I felt someone tug at my head. Looking back slightly, I saw a shirtless Murphy clinging gently onto my wrist, a sloppy smile plastered on his pink face. "Hey, I've been lookin' for ye." With alcohol reeking in his breath, he greeted, still seemingly unaware that he was half-naked.

I let out an amused scoff, nodding my head towards the bedroom he had just exited. "Like I'd believe _that_, Murphy!" I crossed my arms, raising a stern brow to emphasize my point. "You _really_ thought to look for me in a bedroom?"

He mindlessly scratched his head. Then he shrugged. "Maybe ye were getting' it on or somethin'."

I scrunched my face in offense, pushing at his shoulder. I didn't even push that hard, but he began to wobble, holding out his hands to his sides in order to keep his balance. He repeatedly blinked, as if trying to desperately will his mind to stay standing. Mumbling a curse, I reached for his flailing arm in order to keep him steady. As he finally managed to stand still for more than two seconds, he gave me a crooked smile. "My -" he hiccupped, "hero!"

"Murphy, are you gonna get back in 'ere or what?" The annoyed voice came from the doorway. As Murphy and I both looked towards the sound of the voice, we saw the woman who Murphy was with, wrapped in a blanket, impatiently tapping her foot. She didn't look amused.

With a slight tilt of the head, Murphy said hoarsely, pointing his finger in her direction, "Who…who are ye?"

The expression that manifested itself upon her face was so much more than pure offence. Not even believing myself that Murphy would even say such a blunder, I bit my bottom lip as she slammed the door, most likely on her way to placing her clothes back on. I was right. After a few moments, the red-head reappeared, the angered expression on her face still on her countenance. Rudely pushing in between me and Murphy without looking back, she stomped her way down the stairs, disappearing into the crowd.

Murphy turned his blank attention to me, face scrunched in complete and utter worry. "Did I sleep with her?"

"How the bloody fuck should I know _that_, Murphy?" I flicked his ear, annoyed, causing him to flinch. "Jesus, how much did ya have ta drink?"

He merely shrugged with a lopsided smile.

I rolled my eyes, and then motioned my head towards his form. "Alright, how about you get some clothes on before your Ma sees you like this?"

"I think she'd be very proud ta know that she has a very sexy son." His eyes slid towards the stair banister, gazing down at the crowd below with mischief blazing in his blue eyes. "Hmm…maybe they'd like ta see a special Murphy striptease."

"Jesus, Mary and Joseph, ya just don't stop, do ya?" I rolled my eyes mockingly, giving my head an abrupt shake of disapproval. Holding out my palm, I began to count my fingers. "First of all, you're already half naked, so there won't be much strippin' ta do. Second, half of these people are passed out, so there's really no point in stripping. And third, don't make the rest of these people lose their drinks by stripping in the first place!"

In response, Murphy merely shook his head with a cocky smirk tugging on his lips. "Ye just proved that ye want to see me naked."

I scrunched my face in simultaneous disbelief and annoyance. "Murphy, did you hear what I _just_ said, or do you only hear things that you _want_ to hear?"

He took a confident step towards me, bringing his face to mine so that our lips were only mere inches apart. Standing nose to nose with me, he said, "Ye know that I always like provin' ya wrong. So by sayin' all those things that ye just did, ye really want me to prove ya wrong and start strippin'. Therefore, logically, ye said all those things because ye _wanted_ me to start strippin' in the first place."

"Oh, piss off, MacManus!" I gave him another slap on the arm for good measure. Letting out a groan when he only beamed victoriously, I turned him around and began to push him inside the bedroom, flicking on the lights in the process. "Now go on and get some clothes on!" I commanded, shooing him away. Looking around the room, I let out a sigh. The mess within – chairs toppled, clothes haphazardly thrown, bed sheets crumpled - was probably caused by Murphy's and the woman's drunken fumbles. Ignoring this for now, I picked up what looked like Murphy's shirt, turning to toss it over to him.

Even in his drunken state, he managed to catch it, placing it over his head and expertly spreading his arms through the sleeves. Rubbing his glossy eyes with the back of his hand, he sniffed, then seemed as though he was looking for something. Snapping his fingers after a few moments, he stalked over towards the desk, taking what looked to be a heavy book in his hands. He turned to me triumphantly, handing me the giant black book. Taking it from his grasp, I began to turn the pages, quickly realizing that it wasn't a book at all, but a photo album.

"Found this in the closet a few hours ago." He informed me, plopping down upon the bed. "Saw some really funny pics. Brought back a lot o' memories."

Upon seeing a photograph of me, Murphy and Connor in what was probably our mid-teens, I clamped a hand over my mouth in horror. "Oh my God, my braces and glasses! Your mushroom haircut! Connor's really ugly fluorescent clothes!" I began to giggle, flipping through other photographs of the MacManuses. "Geeze, I've forgotten about all of the things that we all have done!"

As I took a seat beside Murphy on the bed, he reached over my arm, flipping the album to the very last page. Pointing to some almost illegible writing, I looked down and slowly began to realize that it was my own, written when I was probably about 13. I had written:

_Connor, Murphy, Colin, Brianna and Lourdes – Friends Forever!_

_P.S._

_Murphy smells like rotten eggs._

_P.P.S._

_So does Connor._

_xx_

_Lourdy_

"Ye were a charmin' gal, weren't ye?" Murphy shot me another smile, playfully nudging me with his left elbow as we continued to flip through the album.

"More like honest." I gave him a cheeky grin, suddenly feeling nostalgic. Time really did go by so quickly that life seemed to have just passed me by. I didn't even feel as though I haven't seen either Murphy or Connor for more than 10 years. I admitted with a sigh, "Seemed just like yesterday, doesn't it?"

"Aye." Murphy answered contentedly with a nod of his head. Though, the smirk that had appeared on his face suddenly disappeared. His sapphire eyes had become hard, dark, and stormy as he stared at the ground, head falling.

I frowned in worry, placing a concerned hand upon his shoulder. I tried to meet his eyes as I looked at him. "Hey, ya alright there?"

Murphy didn't respond. Instead, he turned his head to face my own, lifted his own arm ever so slowly, and clasped his hand upon mine. He lightly gave my hand a squeeze. "Lots o' things have changed, Lourdes. I've done a lot o' things in me life since I left Dublin all those years ago." He suddenly pried his eyes away from mine, looking down upon the ground again. "I'm not the Murphy ya used ta know."

I furrowed my brows and squinted my eyes in simultaneous curiosity and question. "W-what do you mean?"

Before Murphy could answer, though, Connor suddenly burst into the room, as if not expecting anyone to be inside. He stepped out of the doorway for a split second, and then looked inside again. "Oh, there ya are, Murph." He smiled and nodded towards me in greeting. "Mates, come quickly! Ma's passed out on the porch!"

Murphy suddenly beamed at this, body perking up, eyes smiling. "Will ya take the pictures, or do ya want me ta do it?"

"Murphy!" I scolded, hitting him on the side of the arm in utter disbelief. "That's a _horrible_ thing to do to your own mother!"

Connor held a finger out in my direction, though mirth was evident in his sparkling orbs. "Oi, keep in mind the suicide prank she pulled on us last year. That wasn't a very nice thing for a mother to do ta her own sons!" He beckoned his head for Murphy and me to follow. "I'll try ta get her up. Ye two take the pictures."

I continued to sit upon the bed with my mouth agape as Murphy jumped up excitedly. Steadying himself for a moment, he finally managed to stalk over to his brother's side, laughing gleefully at their newfound 'mission'. Realizing that I wasn't following him, Murphy twisted his head to face me, tilting his head towards the direction where Connor had disappeared to. "C'mon, Lourdes, it's all in good fun! We gotta get her back somehow for that shit!"

"Not again." I ran a hand across my face and through my hair, though eyeing him tiredly with a smile upon the corner of my lips. "Just like old times, MacManus?"

Murphy nodded triumphantly. "Ye fuckin' know it!"

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**A/N: How do you like the Murphy/Lourdes interaction? Isn't Murphy so adorable? Fear not, because there is so much more to come. This is only the beginning! I have big ideas for this story, including a sequel. So keep those reviews coming. (I love reviews!) I want to know what you think and what you want to happen. Until next time! xx IFHD**


	4. Sweet Dreams

**A/N: Hey everyone! I just wanted to say a big thank you to those that reviewed: Jade Opal, wolfchick11, IrishSaints, Nyah1, and barry manilow (love that!). I'm glad that you guys are enjoying the story. And aye, Murphy's a hottie, isn't he? lol Let's see if he gets hotter in this chapter! Hope you enjoy it. xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 4: Sweet Dreams**

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"_**What If I"**_

_**By: Joshua Radin**_

_What if you  
Could wish me away  
What if you  
Spoke those words today_

_I wonder if you'd miss me  
When I'm gone  
It's come to this, release me  
I'll leave before the dawn_

_But for tonight  
I'll stay here with you  
Yes, for tonight  
I'll lay here with you_

_But when the sun  
Hits your eyes  
Through your window  
There'll be nothing you can do_

_What if you  
Could hear this song  
What if I  
Felt like I belong _

_I might not be leaving  
Oh so soon  
Began the night believing  
I loved you in the moonlight_

_So, for tonight  
I'll stay here with you  
Yes, for tonight  
I'll lay here with you_

_But when the sun  
Hits your eyes  
Through your window  
There'll be nothing you can do_

_I could've treated you better  
Better than this  
Well, I'm gone, this song's your letter  
Can't stay in one place_

_So, for tonight  
I'll stay here with you  
Yes, for tonight  
I'll lay here with you _

_But when the sun  
Hits your eyes  
Through your window  
There'll be nothing you can do_

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"Con, hold 'er arm up!" Murphy hissed and giggled simultaneously, flailing his arms in the air as he showed his twin what to do. "Hold it up!"

"Aye." Connor had pressed his hand upon his face, unable to stifle his own giggles. With his free hand, he held up his poor mother's right arm high into the air, as if poised to wave at bewildered onlookers. His mirthful eyes flashed towards me as he instructed, "Here, Lourdes, take the camera. Murph is gonna stand over there while…"

Rudely snatching the camera from his grasp in mock reprimand, I shook my head exasperatedly as the twins positioned themselves on either side of their mother, prepared to take _lovely_ photographs with her. I did feel so sorry for Ma MacManus, but I'll be honest – the twins really did know how to make a situation worse. I have to admit, though, that it _was_ pretty hilarious! Of course, I didn't agree with what they had done, but it was amusing nonetheless.

Poor Ma MacManus was still passed out. The twins had hoisted her upright, sitting her upon the porch with her back leaning against the front wall of the house. Murphy had managed to obtain a blank piece of paper and on it he scribbled "BOOZY" in big bold letters. They tacked it onto their mother's forehead, having cut eyeholes so that Mrs. MacManus' closed eyes were visible. Next, they found as many empty bottles and cans as they could around the house, piling them all around their mother – in her hands, on her lap, even resting them on her shoulders – simply _burying_ her beneath the mess. The _pièce de résistance_ was Connor holding Mrs. MacManus' arm up so that it seemed as though _she_ was the one giving the camera a thumbs up. Now satisfied with their drunken masterpiece, they fell into a heap beside their mother, baring their teeth as much as possible, incessantly grinning like wild monkeys. Holding their thumbs up proudly in the air, they waited patiently for me to take the picture.

And as usual, I gave in.

It was nearly 4 in the morning when the last of the guests, save for me, had left. I wanted to make sure that Mrs. MacManus was going to be alright, especially since I felt a bit guilty for allowing her sons to do what they did to her. So, I decided to stay for a bit longer. After the brothers had had their fun, they carried Ma up to her bedroom, lying her down slowly and playing comfortable covers around her. Taking the "hangover kit" from the kitchen cupboard, Murphy placed it on the nightstand beside her bed, still amused, though showing signs of concern.

"I must say, though, we took some fuckin' great pictures!" He snickered after a few moments as he nudged Connor, who heartily agreed beside him. Huddling over the digital camera as they stood in the kitchen, the twins flipped childishly through the photographs, grinning and chuckling. All I could do was shake my head. Trying to understand the dysfunction that was the MacManus household was a difficult task, and I don't think anyone in this world would be able to do so. Although they weren't the orthodox family, they were, in all, still good people.

After going to Mrs. MacManus' room to check on her once more, I made my way into the wreck that was the living room. Seeing the twins cleaning up the myriad of empty cans, glasses and random garbage, I strode to the kitchen sink, getting started on the piles and piles of dirty dishes and glasses. Without so much as a warning, Murphy appeared beside me after a few moments, tying a filled garbage bag and placing it aside. He tilted his head to the side as he simply questioned, "The fuck ye doin'?"

"I'm using Palmolive soap and a dirty scrub to clean the plates." I retorted sarcastically, giving him a tired looked with a small smile. I cocked my head back to face him. "Is that a problem?"

Plucking the plate and scrub, respectively, from my hands, he declared, "Aye, it is." He mindlessly tossed the two objects aside, the plate clanking on the wooden counter and the scrub falling to the floor. Murphy proclaimed with a stone expression, "Yer a guest. Ye don't fuckin' do the cleanin' up."

I let out a small laugh at his seriousness. Taking a step forward, I counted with my fingers, which I seem to be doing quite a whole lot in Murphy's presence, "Your mother's passed out down the hall, the two of you have just arrived in the city and are probably jet-lagged, and this house is a mess. Coupled with the fact that I simply hate messy places, your house needs a good cleaning."

With a quick look around the room, Murphy shrugged, "Aye, it does," though he remained persistent, physically pulling me away from the dirty dishes as he declared, "and ye ain't gonna do it. That's final!"

As he said this, Connor poked his head into the kitchen, gaining both of our attentions. "Lourdes, I've put out some pillows and blankets for ye. I put 'em on the living room couch."

Tilting my head to the side in question, I replied unsurely, "Thanks?"

"C'mon, Lou," Giving me two light taps on the cheek with the tips of his fingers, Murphy continued, "Ye don't really think that we'd let ye go back home on yer own at this time, do ye?"

"But…" I began. Though, the identical looks upon the brothers' faces immediately told me that my protests would fall on deaf ears, even if I did try. Finally putting my hands up in surrender, I sighed and seceded, "Alright, I understand your concern." Throwing each of them a grateful smile, I said sincerely, "Thank you."

"Don't even mention it." Connor said with a playful wink, smiling. "_Nuestra casa es tu casa_."

As he called it a night (or morning) and took his leave, Murphy and I entered the living room once more. Giving out a low whistle at the sight of the _still_ messy room, Murphy mumbled, "There's no way yer sleepin' on this shit," turning his head towards me and motioning towards the stairs, he said, "Come sleep with me."

I've heard and done a lot of things in my life, but for some reason, hearing Murphy say that surprisingly made my heart jump. It was casual, so non-chalant, but it still triggered something within me. Even though I knew he didn't mean sex, I was still taken aback by it. _What the fuck?_ I inwardly questioned, attempting to sift through these new, somewhat uncomfortable, feelings. I mean, when we were 9 or 10, sure, it didn't mean anything to be sleeping in the same bed together. But now that we're both grown adults…

Having completely read my mind, Murphy began, eyes reflecting his amused state, "Don't worry, I won't make a move on ye." He pursed his lips in a straight, serious line, then added with a shrug, "I mean, unless ye want me ta."

"Oh, fuck off!" I shared in his laughter as I gave his stomach a hard nudge of the elbow. Surveying the mess in the living room once more, I finally managed to say, "Alright, you've got a point. I'll probably wake up to one of these beer cans stuck to my face!"

"Alright, then." With a nod, Murphy turned on his heel, jogging his way up the stairs two at a time. Taking the pillows and blankets, I followed Murphy's trail, now feeling complete fatigue taking over me. It _had_ been a very, very long day, and it was only now that I was beginning to realize it.

Dropping off the pillows and blankets in his room, I went into the bathroom and spent a few minutes freshening up. Washing my face and brushing my teeth, I tied my long, black hair into a high pony-tail. I then ensued to take off my thin sweater, leaving me in a tank top and shorts. Drying off, I made my way down the long corridor, slowly opening Murphy's bedroom's door. He hadn't heard me come in. Seeing him in mere boxers evoked unusual feelings within me once more. He tossed his clothes upon a nearby chair, flicking off the lights and turning on the lamp upon the nightstand. Still oblivious to my presence, he knelt, leaning his elbows upon the bed. Bowing his head upon clenched fists, he began to quietly say some prayers. As he did this, I leaned upon the wooden doorway, watching him with a pleased expression. When he finished a few seconds later, he looked up, immediately giving me a smile. "Hey," he greeted, standing up.

Uncrossing my arms as I walked to his side, I commented with a smile, "Still religious after all these years?"

"Aye," he said with a nod, adding, "even moreso now."

"That's always something I liked about you MacManuses." I admitted, playfully pinching the side of his arm. "Really true to your faith." Twisting my neck in order to try and get out a kink, I said sincerely, "Thanks for being so hospitable. It's nice having the two of you guys around again. I really did miss your company."

"Like Con said, _Nuestra casa es tu casa_." Walking behind me, Murphy placed his warm hands on the cold skin of my neck, his calloused fingers sending shivers down my spine. Ever so slowly and gently, he began to massage my neck and shoulder blades, making me so relaxed that my head involuntarily drooped. As he took another step closer to me, I could now feel his warm breath tickling my skin, giving me goosebumps. His naked skin pressed upon my back, sending another wave of shivers up my spine. "It's nice ta be back and ta see ya again." His low, whispered voice sounded, his breath tickling my ear, "I missed ya, too."

I surprisingly laughed amidst Murphy's closeness, still twisting my neck as he continued to massage me. I pointed out light-heartedly, "Yet you didn't even recognize me when you saw me?"

"I'm not gonna argue with ye 'bout that again." He grumbled jokingly as he released me. Pouting that the pleasing sensation upon my shoulders and back was gone, I turned around to face him, making out his face in the dim light. He smiled, "Ye know what I mean, though. It's nice ta get away from the shit in Boston." Patting me on the back, he then fell in a big heap upon the bed, stretching his arms out and sighing contentedly. He muttered to himself, "Well, fuck me!"

"I will do no such thing!" I heartily joked, pushing him aside so that I would actually have room on the bed. As he slightly rolled over to his side, I joined him underneath the covers, twisting my head to face his. Seeing his blank expression, I questioned, "What's wrong?"

As if he had stumbled upon a genius revelation, he cried, "I just realized I'm on fuckin' vacation!"

"I'm guessing your job's stressing you out?"

"Aye." Using his arm to prop his head up, he looked down at me, excitement filling his eyes. "Ye know what we should do?"

Looking up at him, I eyed him curiously, almost suspiciously. "What?"

He beamed. "Go ta Bunker Hill, ta that place we always used ta go ta. I fuckin' loved those ruins. Made me feel like I could get away from everythin'. Probably the nicest place in all o' Dublin."

"That's a good idea, Murph!" I shifted into a more comfortable position beside him, resting my head on my left arm. "I haven't been there in years! I wonder if everything's still there. That main turret was always my favourite."

"Well, only one way ta find out." He grinned childishly, pulling the covers above us. "How about tomorrow? Or are ya workin' or somethin'?"

I was so ready to agree until a thought flashed into my head. I then bit my lip, and with a shake of my head, I replied, "Actually, I…I promised Ciaran that I would…"

Murphy seemed to perk up to this revelation, head raising slightly. "Ciaran?" He questioned, eyes squinting. "Ciaran O'Malley?" When I nodded, a strange expression passed through his face. It was caught in between recognition and – what was it – animosity? Giving his head a small shake, he muttered almost inaudibly, "The same Ciaran O'Malley from high school? The one who wouldn't leave ya alone?"

I exhaled a breath, nervously placing tendrils of my hair behind my ear. "Aye, Murph, that Ciaran."

"Fuckin' hell." When he saw the expression on my face, he blurted out, "Don't tell me yer fuckin' _datin'_ the bastard!"

"Murphy!" I said in a disapproving tone, lightly pushing on his chest. "He's different now, alright? Besides, he's…"

"What?" Murphy retorted distastefully, "Good in bed?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, Murph, things here have changed, alright?" I felt my emotions steadily rise at this, my wanting to defend Ciaran's 'honour', as it were, wholly occupying my mind. "All of those things he did in high school, and even afterwards, are all in the past. He has completely changed. We all grow and mature, Murphy."

He held up a hand in surrender, letting out a sigh. "Alright, I'm just lookin' out for ye. He may have changed or whatever, but fuck, I remember him in high school and how he abused all those girls that he was datin'. He sent one to the fuckin' hospital, remember that?"

"Yes, I know." I closed my eyes, hearing this countless times before from more than one person. "But that was years ago."

As he cleared his throat, Murphy's gaze fell upon me once more. "How long have ye been datin' 'im, then?"

"Just a few months." I replied, finding myself unable to meet his intense gaze. I could still feel his eyes boring upon me as I turned on my side, back to him. Why did I suddenly feel uncomfortable? And why did Murphy seem as though he were interrogating me about Ciaran?

I felt him shift beside me. Murphy had turned his back on me as well. A large, empty space was now between us. If only I could read what he was thinking? Ever since I first saw him again, I felt as though he were hiding something, not admitting something to me. What was it now? Interrupting my thoughts, he mumbled unexpectedly, "Sorry."

I rolled over to face him once more, his broad back greeting me. Biting my lower lip, I slowly began to reach out for him, fingers outstretched. As my fingertips made contact with his skin, I felt him involuntarily tremble, the muscles on his back contracting. I had opened my mouth to say something, but I found that I could make no sound. No words came out. I was only preoccupied with drawing random shapes upon his back, lightly tracing his shoulder blades. I saw Murphy respond by moving his head at this. Then, when he completely twisted his head to face me, I recoiled, as if a trance had been broken, as if I had just been burnt. As he scrutinized my face, I was still speechless. His low voice pierced the silence. "Still wanna go ta Bunker Hill?"

"Aye. Of course." I croaked, finally managing to find my voice again. I suggested, "How about Saturday?"

"Works for me." He began to sit up slightly. Without warning, he hovered over me, outstretching his arm above me to turn off the lamp upon the nightstand. For a split second, our eyes connected. I was still pinned beneath him, finding myself unable to move and holding my breath. When he had clicked the lamp off, his arm brushed against my stomach as he moved back into a comfortable position. Clearing his throat, he turned his back on me once more, simply saying, "Good night."

Surveying his silhouette in the dim moonlight, I responded, "Good night, Murph. Sweet dreams."

**Translation:**

"_Nuestra casa es tu casa_." – Our house is your house.

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**A/N: Is Murphy still hot? haha What'd you guys think? Let me know! xx IFHD**


	5. Danger

**A/N: Hello, my lovely readers! As always, I would like to thank first and foremost those who reviewed: IrishSaints, Jade Opal, Nyah1, ivyshortcake and wolfchick11. Thank you to those that read as well - you all keep me going! Murphy is definitely yummy, aye? Well, there's more to come! Enjoy this next one, and don't forget to review! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 5: Danger**

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"_**Three Cheers for Five Years"**_

_**By: Mayday Parade**_

_I swear that you don't have to go  
I thought we could wait for the fireworks  
I thought we could wait for the snow  
To wash over Georgia and kill the hurt  
I thought I could live in your arms  
And spend every moment I had with you  
Stay up all night with the stars  
Confess all the faith that I had in you  
Too late, I'm sure and lonely  
Another night, another dream wasted on you  
Just be here now against me  
You know the words so sing along for me baby _

_  
For heaven's sake I know you're sorry  
But you won't stop crying  
This anniversary may never be the same  
Inside I hope you know I'm dying  
With my heart beside me  
In shattered pieces that may never be replaced  
And if I died right now you'd never be the same_

_I thought with a month of apart  
Together would find us an opening  
And moonlight would provide the spark  
And that I would stumble across the key  
Or break down the door to your heart  
Forever could see us not you and me  
And you'd help me out of the dark  
And I'd give my heart as an offering_

_And I will always remember you as you are right now to me  
And I will always remember now  
Sleep alone tonight with no one here just by your side  
How does he feel, how does he kiss  
How does he taste while he's on your lips  
I can't forget you  
I know you want me to want you  
I want to  
But I can't forgive you  
So when this is over don't blow your composure baby  
I can't forgive you  
I know you want me to want you I want to _

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Ciaran had been going on and on about a successful business transaction that he had made. The gist of it was something along the lines of his company merging with another to form some sort of super power company thing. I felt like a complete asshole for not really paying attention, because I did completely support Ciaran's ventures and career…apparently, just not at the moment. My wandering mind was more preoccupied with other things – things such as Murphy.

I'm not an idiot and I'm not going to play naïve. I was attracted to Murphy, and I finally admitted it to myself sometime this week. That first night that I had stayed over at his place - in his room, on his bed – was the first instance that that fact occurred to me. When everything had changed, I don't rightly know. At least, I thought wryly to myself, that it had to be that night, sometime in between 4 in the morning and noon the next day. His closeness, his touch had ignited something new within me, and trying to explain it was as sure as hell not possible. One thing that I was sure of, though, was that these new feelings were dangerous.

Very dangerous.

And yet, I couldn't help but reminisce about the morning after the MacManus house party. As I found my eyelids fluttering open, I felt a strange weight upon my stomach. With my glazed eyes slowly focusing to the sunlight cheekily peeking through the windows, I looked down to see Murphy's hand slung over my waist, holding me closely. To my surprise, my own hands were rested comfortably upon his broad chest, feeling it rhythmically rise and fall. The MacManus twin was still sound asleep, his face unmarked with emotion. I didn't dare move, even though I knew that I had to meet with Ciaran later on that night. Murphy just looked so innocent, so pure. I just couldn't do it.

Without warning, Murphy instinctively moved even closer to me, pulling me towards his length in the process. Resting his chin upon my head, he let out a long exhale, trying to find another comfortable position. Now fully pressed upon him, it was even _more_ difficult to escape from his grasp! Slowly taking his arm, I carefully moved it from my body, trying not to make any abrupt movements. I heard him mumble something incoherent, though he remained fast asleep. Or so I thought. Just as I was fully sitting up from the bed, I heard him ask hoarsely behind me, "We didn't have sex, did we?"

Although I recognized the mocking in his voice, I took the pillow closest to me and began an incessant assault on the cheeky man. Murphy only boomed with laughter, flinching and defending himself by lifting his arms in front of his face. Chucking the pillow upon the floor when I realized that it was a futile weapon, I jumped on him without warning, poking and pinching him. He began to laugh even harder, holding the sides of my arms in order to keep me steady and halt my assault. Before I had the chance to even blink, he expertly rolled from underneath me, pushed me to the side and somehow managed to pin me upon the bed. How the hell did he have all this energy in the morning? With wide eyes, I realized that I was now fully beneath him, unable to move, entangled in wrinkled bedsheets.

He shot me a triumphant smile. "Give up?"

Blowing the tangled hair from my face, I defiantly shook my head. "I don't _think_ so, MacManus!" With a roar, I tried my utmost best to push him off me and pin _him_ down upon the bed. This was also futile, for he clearly overpowered me. Now using his legs to pin me down, he began a brutal tickling assault all over my body, hardly giving me any time to catch my breath. I giggled, squealed, and cried for him to stop, but I knew that he had no intention of doing so. Tears of laughter involuntarily fell down my cheeks as I continued to writhe beneath him, stuttering curses and heaving for breath. "Mu-ur-urphy! Stop…stop it!" I let out a squeal as he went for the sides of my waist, knowing that it was my most ticklish spot. "Ye…ye bas-…bastard!"

"Say that ye give up!" He commanded, momentarily stopping his assault as he peered down at me. Pinning my arms upon the sides of my head, he finished triumphantly, "Then I'll stop. How about it?"

I lifted my chin as a refusal of his proposal. I indirectly threatened, "Hey Murph, how much do you value your family jewels?"

A flash of fright appeared on Murphy's expression, making me burst out into laughter. Quickly recovering from the threat, he only gritted his teeth, growled playfully, and began to tickle me once more. Though, as we heard the door fly wide open, the horseplay automatically stopped. Looking up, Murphy and I saw Connor standing stock still at the doorway. His expression was congruent with a person who had just seen a ghost: face pale, eyebrows both raised, mouth slightly agape. No words came out of his mouth. Instead, Connor clamped with mouth shut like a trap, took two stiff steps back, and closed the door once more without a word. As I turned to face Murphy, I saw that he was trying his best to stifle a laugh. When he noticed my expression, he fully burst out into uncontrollable chuckles, half-rolling onto the bed. "Well, even if we didn't have sex, _he_ certainly thinks we did!"

I gave out a little shriek, slapping the side of his arm. Immediately standing from the bed, I proclaimed in a mocking pout, "That's it, MacManus, I'm leaving!" Attempting to fix my tangled, messy hair, I swirled to face him, pointing a guilty finger in his direction. "Murphy, ye are _such_ a…a…"

"Ya know," he coolly interrupted, wholly disregarding what I had just said. Resting his hands coolly behind his head, he finished with a smirk, "I can get used to ya sleepin' with me every night. Ye gotta admit, it feels nice, dunnit?"

Letting out a squeal of frustration in the midst of his boisterous laughter, I chucked one last pillow at the brazen man before I stalked my way over to the door. Picking up my clothes in the process, I mumbled incoherent curses to myself, shaking my head in overt frustration. Before I could leave, though, I heard him say behind me, "I'll pick ya up on Saturday at 7."

Stopping in my tracks, I twisted my head to face Murphy once more. He continued to lie comfortably upon the bed, hands behind his head, legs crossed. He didn't say another word.

He only smiled.

"Lourdes? Lourdes, are ya listening ta me?"

I blinked a few times, registering where I was and what Ciaran had just said. Turning my attention back to him, I had no shame in admitting, "Sorry, hun, you kinda lost me."

Ciaran gave me a pointed look, one that resembled a mother reprimanding a child. Letting out a sigh of frustration, he repeated, "I just asked if ye wanted to go ta this banquet with me on Saturday night. People from companies all over Ireland are gonna be there. It'll be a good opportunity for my company to get some exposure and to gain some connections."

"Saturday?" I repeated in a disappointed tone. Frowning, I shook my head. "I can't, Ciaran. I promised Murphy that I'd hang out with him. The MacManuses are only here for a little while on vacation, so…"

"The MacManus twins?" Ciaran's eyes widened in surprise. There was a peculiar expression that flashed upon his face for a split second, but as quickly as it had come, it was gone. He questioned, moreso to himself than to me, "Back in Dublin?"

"Aye," I replied simply with a curt nod, looking out of the window once more. "Just visiting their Ma."

"Well, then!" Ciaran beamed as he started the car. "I'm disappointed that yer not gonna join me at this banquet, but…" he shrugged, letting out a sigh, "Send 'em my regards, then. Maybe I'll meet up with 'em sometime before they leave so we can all catch up."

The smile upon Ciaran's face unnerved me. _Catch up?_ I mumbled inwardly, eyebrows furrowing as I inconspicuously observed his expression. The MacManus twins and Ciaran had always been closer to enemies than acquaintances.

What exactly did _they_ have to catch up on?

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**A/N: Hmm, is something fishy going on? Should Murph and Lourdes get together? What do you think will happen? Don't forget to review! Till next time. xx IFHD**


	6. Memories

**A/N: Hey everyone! Early update for me -- I had a productive week. Also, I hurt my back playing rugby, so I had a little more free time to work on this. But as always, thank you to those who have reviewed: IrishSaints, wolfchick11, Nyah1, betty-boo and Sith Happens. Thank you to those who have saved this story onto your faves and added it on your alert list as well. You readers are just too lovely! I'm really getting into writing this story -- sort of bad news for Path to Sainthood, but if you readers are more interested in this idea, then hell, I'll give it to ya:) Happy reading! **

**xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 6: Memories**

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"_**Hold My Heart"**_

_**By: Letter Kills**_

_Just forget about it, anything I said about it.  
Drive away tonight, you think it's fine.  
You put it all inside and run and never look behind.  
It's all the same besides the fact that it's mine.  
Think of me when you're dreaming and know,  
I'm wide awake and thinking of you.  
Cause I swear when you're there alone,  
Know that I'm wide awake tonight.._

_You could hold my heart.  
It's all yours if you want._

_Just forget about it. Set your mark and keep around it.  
Thoughts that are just the opposite of you.  
It happens everytime you fall,  
You write it off as you were all, "Well I'll be fine just let me try too."  
And sing to me when you're sinking,  
And you know I'm wide awake and watching for you.  
Cause I swear when you're there alone,  
Know that I'm wide awake tonight._

_You could hold my heart.  
It's all yours if you want._

_I'm letting you know now  
I'm letting you know now_

_Don't wait...just tell me all about it  
Don't wait, don't wait  
Don't wait...just tell me all about it  
Don't wait, don't wait_

_Don't wait...just tell me all about it_

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As Saturday night came, I found myself becoming more and more nervous. Literally wringing my hands as I stood on my porch to await Murphy's arrival, I continuously debated whether this was such a good idea or not. This wasn't a date…was it?_ No, it couldn't be_. Can't two old friends just go out and catch up for one night? _Aye,_ screamed my conscience annoyingly, _but only _friends_ would be able to sleep in the same bed without fuzzy fuckin' feelings!__Ah, fuck ye, fuckin' fuzzy feelings!_Groaning to myself, I finally came to the conclusion that I _was_ over-analyzing things, most likely trapped in an illusion. What exactly was I expecting for tonight? I'm just going to go out with Murph like we used to, have a good time, and that's _all_.

Fuck's sake.

I _hope_ that was all.

Only a few minutes had elapsed before Murphy's appeared on the driveway. Flashing his lights repeatedly at me, I gave him a quick wave, pulling my coat more tightly around my body as I exited my house. Walking through the uneven cobblestone steps, I made my way towards his car, still finding that he was _continually_ flashing the lights. Giving him a questioning look as I entered, Murphy merely replied with an impish grin plastered on his face,

"I was trying ta blind ya."

"Thoughtful." I replied in a sarcastically light tone, reaching over the armrest to give him a quick embrace. As I pulled away, I questioned, "Do you still remember where Bunker Hill is?"

Murphy flashed a smile, starting the engine once more. "How could I forget it?"

We drove in comfortable silence through the brightly-lit suburban streets. Murphy continuously looked out his window, as if trying to recollect all of his memories of Dublin. He would randomly comment, "Oh fuck, I remember that!" or "Oh, that's where we…" or "Fuck, I hate that place!" It made me content to see that he was enjoying his time back home and being with his Ma again. The only thing I didn't really want to ask was his father's status. Now I was becoming curious about him. Did the twins ever have contact with him? Was he still in prison after all this time?

Before I knew it, Murphy had parked near the bluffs of Bunker Hill. Since it wasn't a commercial area, there weren't that many people around, especially at this time of the night. Swiftly exiting from the car, Murphy and I followed a trodden trail, half over-looking the hills and water and half-covered by sparse trees. Walking a little behind Murphy, I carefully watched his every step, since the moon wasn't emanating enough light for me to see where I was going. When he heard me stumble slightly, Murphy outstretched his hand for me to cling onto, which I gladly accepted. Wrapping his palm around mine lightly, he guided me through the path expertly, as though he had just come to this place yesterday. When the trail ended, Murphy and I stopped in our tracks and took a moment to observe what was before us.

"I can't believe you still remember this place so well." I commented with a smirk, rightly astonished as I looked upon the old ruins of what was once a proud and mighty castle.

"'Course I do." Murphy released my hand and placed his own in his pockets as he began to walk through the weather-beaten pieces of stone. His eyes betrayed his calm exterior; I knew that he was feeling the same nostalgia that I was. "I always used ta come 'ere by meself when I was pissed 'bout somethin'." He turned to look at me once more, his eyes dull and somber. "Like when me Da left." As if he had said that as a blunder, he quickly recovered by saying, "Let's go over there by the hills."

Following his lead once more, we walked through the ruins and onto a rising plateau, hearing the soft crashing of waves below us. We lay down on the ground contentedly, our heads touching at the tip, our bodies forming a straight line upon the dewy grass. Our eyes gazed up at the velvet indigo sky, thousands of sparkling diamonds attached upon the fabric. The faint sound of crickets could be heard nearby along with the water, but other than that and our soft breathing, the ruins were entirely serene, surreal, devoid of any human presence but our own. This was paradise: the soft wind caressing the tendrils of our hair, tickling our faces; the feeling of the soft earth beneath us, as if holding us like fragile babes; the sound of sweet nothingness in the air, calming us to the recesses of our soul.

If only everyday life were like this.

"Fuck me." I heard Murphy breathe out his favourite line quietly as he exhaled a long, relaxed breath.

I tilted my head upwards as if expecting to see him. "What is it?"

I felt him shrug, his shoulders brushing upon mine. "Just brings back a lot of memories, is all." At this point, Murphy turned to his side, propping his elbow up and placing his cheek upon his clenched fist. I could see him now in the dim moonlight, peering down curiously upon me. "Remember when Con and I were eleven and ye were nine, and we all went to Bunker Creek? Ye wouldn't jump in the water with us because ye thought there would be sharks!"

I groaned and laughed simultaneously, placing both of my palms upon my face in utter shame. I squealed like a little child, "Leave me alone, I was young and naïve! I still hadn't learned that sharks didn't live in rivers, alright?"

He beamed. "Ye were a dumb kid."

"Oh, fuck off!" I retorted light-heartedly, flicking him upon the forehead with my fingers with a laugh. I quickly rejoined, "You're the one to talk, Mr. I-don't-want-to-eat-watermelon-seeds-because-watermelons-will-grow-in-my-stomach!"

Murphy burst out laughing at this, uncontrollably pounding the earth with his fist. "I got Connor to believe that shit, too! He stayed away from watermelons for_ years_!" With another chuckle, he added, "I think he still does!"

I burst out into laughter at this as well, picturing Connor slowly backing away from watermelons, arms raised, head shaking in overt resistance.

As our laughter slowly died down, I noticed that Murphy suddenly became very serious. Concerned, I rolled upon my stomach, my elbows supporting me, as I met his gaze. "Not all the memories are good, I reckon?" I questioned, desperately trying to read his thoughts.

"It's not so much about bad memories," he explained, pursing his lips in a straight, thin line, "it's more about the bad shit that I've done after the good memories."

I took a stab in the dark with regards to what he meant. "Things you've done in Boston?"

"Aye."

It was my turn to frown. I _do_ regret not keeping in touch with the twins, because now, I barely know what they've gone through. Hell, I barely even _know_ them now, save for the memories that we were all recounting and still shared. I don't even know if they're the same, and I know they're probably not. Ten years is a long time. Even Murphy himself said that he had changed. Time does change people, whether they want to be changed or not.

To my surprise, a small smirk formed upon Murphy's thin lips after our few moments of silent contemplation. "I gotta admit somethin' to ya, though."

I met his sparkling sapphire eyes, noticing a bit of mischief within them. I squinted at him suspiciously, pursing my lips. "What is it?"

At this question, Murphy rolled upon his stomach, his position now mimicking mine. Slightly liking his lips, he eyed me curiously, his gaze roaming around my face, as though memorizing it. Biting his lower lip, he outstretched an arm, casually twisting tendrils of my hair with his index finger. I suddenly felt a shiver run down my spine at his touch, his darkened expression. Clearing his throat, he whispered, "Yer not so ugly anymore. Makes it real easy for me eyes, ya know."

"Ye little…" Not even able to finish my sentence, I rightly pounced on him, flicking his ears and nose and lightly slapping his face. What a cheeky man, even moreso than his brother! Now pinning the side of his body with my knees, I began to poke and punch him incessantly, earning a myriad of giggles, chuckles, screams and cries of pain. Serves him right, the bastard! He tried to defend himself by keeping his arms up, shielding his face and neck. So instead, I went for the sides of his body, the poking _really_ affecting the ticklish man.

"Alright, I take it back!" he puffed out, attempting to gasp for much-needed air. "…Yer_ still_ ugly, then. Does_ that _make ye feel better?"

"Ooh!" I squealed again and only increased my assault.

Suddenly, Murphy grabbed me by the sides of my arms, holding me steady. Then, without a word, he abruptly flipped me over, causing me to let out a gasp in surprise. In a matter of a second, he was on top of me, my arms pinned to either sides of my head. His eyes had grown dark, stormy, though there remained a mischievous glint within them. Bringing his lips to the side of my ear, he hoarsely whispered, "Remember when we used ta wrestle?"

Ever so slowly, I lifted my head, teasingly brushing my lips upon his cheek before resting beside his ear. In the same tone, I replied, "Aye. And ye lost every time."

I felt him shiver as I said this, his entire body reacting to my mere words. His head lowered once more, his lips grazing up my neck, his long, callous fingers tracing my arms. It was my turn to tremble, to become nervous, for his touch was invigorating, his smell intoxicating. No, this certainly wasn't the Murphy that I remembered.

And it frightened me.

"Remember our first kiss?"

Before I could think or respond, Murphy began to nibble at the side of my neck with his soft lips, his long exhale tickling my cheek. He was so frantic, so full of desire, that it ignited the same passion within me. I tried to move my arms to embrace him, but he kept them pinned at the sides of my head as he moved above me. Entwining his legs with my own, he raised his lips towards mine, biting, licking, sucking. I closed my eyes as he moved his hips so that the lengths of our bodies were fully touching. I let out an uncontrollable moan of pleasure as he did this, the pressure of his body upon mine so pleasing to my senses. I writhed beneath him, falling more and more under his control.

When he had finally relinquished his grasps upon my wrists, I took the moment to push at his chest and roll him over. I wouldn't let him gain the advantage. Smoothly straddling him, I pressed his chest down so that he was fully lying on the velvet ground. He licked his lips as I leaned forward, teasingly grinding my hips upon his. He let out a shaky breath, his hands trailing down my back and resting upon my bottom. Letting my hair fall to the sides of my face, I slowly covered his mouth with mine, tasting him, reveling in its sweetness. Our kisses quickly became more heated as moments passed; we were oblivious to anything else that was around us. My hands freely roamed his body, feeling up his shirt, raking my nails down his hard chest and the pleasing bumps of his abdomen. At this, he let out a low groan and pushed down even harder upon my bottom, our bodies now crushed against one another.

Suddenly, my eyes flew open. _What the fuck am I doing?_, my conscience suddenly screamed in panic. Breaking out of the trance of desire, I abruptly pushed myself away from Murphy's form, rolling off of his body and sitting upon the ground. He sat up a few seconds later, the raging passion still burning in his eyes. I merely swallowed, trying to force myself not to break down in tears.

What have I done?

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**A/N: Ouch, poor Lourdes. Who cares, Murphy was on fire! Yowzers. What'd you guys think? You want more, don't ya:) xx IFHD**


	7. Mistake

**A/N: Hey everyone! Thank you for the awesome reviews for the last chapter -- it really inspired me to keep writing! As your reward, here's another chapter. Let's savour this one because I'm getting very busy and I'm not sure when I can update next. I will try to do so sometime next week. Happy reading, and thank you very much to those who reviewed, saved this story in one way or another, and read it! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 7: Mistake**

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_**"Blow Me Away"**_

_**by: Breaking Benjamin**_

_They fall in line_

_One at a time_

_Ready to play_

_(I can't see them anyway)_

_No time to lose_

_We've got to move_

_Steady your hand_

_(I am losing sight again)_

_Fire your guns_

_It's time to run_

_Blow me away_

_(I will stay, in the mess I made)_

_After the fall_

_We'll shake it off_

_Show me the way_

_Only the strongest will survive_

_Lead me to heaven, when we die_

_I am the shadow on the wall_

_I'll be the one to save us all_

_There's nothing left_

_So save your breath_

_Lying in wait_

_(Caught inside this tidal wave)_

_Your cover's blown_

_No where to go_

_Holding your fate_

_(Loaded I will walk alone)_

_Fire your guns_

_It's time to run_

_Blow me away_

_(I will stay, in the mess I made)_

_After the fall_

_We'll shake it off_

_Show me the way_

_Only the strongest will survive_

_Lead me to heaven, when we die_

_I am the shadow on the wall_

_I'll be the one to save us all_

_Wanted it back_

_(Don't fight me now)_

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I just cheated on Ciaran.

God strike me down with a million bolts of lightning right now; I just cheated on somebody.

Raking shaking fingers through my hair, I abruptly stood without a word, turning away from Murphy's form. How could I do such a thing like that? _You allowed it_. My heart constricted uncontrollably at this realization. Biting my bottom lip, I began to walk away from him. I wrapped my coat more tightly around me, hoping to elicit some warmth, for I now felt so desolate and cold.

"Lourdes!" I heard Murphy's half-guilty, half-worried voice call from behind me. "Lourdes, wait!"

Not heeding his calls, I only continued to walk faster, having no destination and frankly not caring where I was headed to at the moment. All I knew was that I had to get away from here, and I had to get away now.

Though, before I could get any further, I felt Murphy's strong hands seize me once more, swirling me around in an abrupt motion to face him. Breathless, he hastily began, "Lourdes, look, I wasn't thinkin', I was…" When I didn't reply to this attempt at an explanation, he continued, flustered, "Ya know I care about ye and wouldn't want to hurt ye, but I…" He tried once more to compose himself, knowing exactly what was going through my mind at that moment. "Look, yer not even happy with him, so…"

At this point, I rudely shrugged myself from his grasp. Feeling anger churn and boil inside of me, I snapped, "How the fuck do you know that? You meet me again, after more than ten years, and you have the fucking nerve to presume such a thing?"

In response, he held out his hands outwards to his sides. Jaw tightening, he declared, "If ya fuckin' were, ya wouldn't be here kissin' me."

Whether Murphy was correct or not in his assumptions was not the point. I squinted my eyes in both pain and question. "And you think you'd take advantage of that? You, out of all people, who I would think would be just and righteous, would fucking do that?"

"It's nothin' like that, Lourdes, and ye fuckin' know it." He said firmly, obvious in the tone of his voice that he was trying his utmost best to keep his boiling temper in check. Without hesitation, he enclosed the space between us once more. "I know what I just did wasn't right, but ye gotta see that…"

"Ciaran's a good man, Murphy." I instantly declared as I took a step back from his advancing form. "He doesn't deserve to be treated this way."

At these statements, Murphy seemed to be fighting an inner battle. His clenched fists remained locked to his sides, his head slightly bowed as his chest visibly rose and fell as he inhaled and exhaled. His eyes turning towards me once more, he said clearly and seriously, "He's _not_ a good man, Lourdes." He paused again, sifting through his thoughts, "I can't explain it to ye now, but I know that he's not." He persisted with persuading me, taking the sides of my arms and pulling me towards him. "I'm not talking bullshit. Ye have ta trust me on this one."

"Trust you?" I retorted with complete incredulity lining my raised voice. I tried to pull away from him once more as I declared, "Murphy, I don't even think I _know_ you anymore!"

"I want ya ta know me." He began to soothingly caress my check with the back of his hand. "It's just…" he closed his eyes as if in pain, managing to croak out, "it's complicated. My life is fuckin' complicated, and it will take a lot of understandin' ta…"

I shook my head in utter confusion. "Murphy, what are you…"

I was suddenly interrupted by ear-piercing gun shots. Letting out a shriek as I immediately ducked for cover, Murphy instinctively wrapped his arms around me, pulling me down upon the ground. Through the dim light and my disheveled hair, I could make out the silhouettes of a pair of figures only a few meters from Murphy and me. Panic flowed through my veins, striking me in the heart as I laid, frozen, frightened, upon the ground. Trying to gather my wits about me, I turned towards Murphy's form, seeing him through my progressively blurry eyes. I swallowed a gasp as I saw him feel for something in his pocket, then, in an instant, pull out a silencer and hold it out in front of him. Wide-eyed, I gripped onto his coat, half in fear, half in question. How the fuck did Murphy have a gun? Before I could question him, he only pulled me closer, and without a word, began to fire at our assailants.

As I covered my ears through the deafening firefight, I felt Murphy hastily tugging at my arm, pulling me up to my feet. We began to sprint towards the direction of the parking lot as Murphy continued to shoot at the two figures, now right on our tails. I ran as quickly and as lowly as I could, biting my bottom lip in order to keep from crying out. _Fuck, I'm going to die!_, I sobbed mentally in my panicked state, feeling my entire body aching from the escape. _God help us. Please, God, help us!_

Then, just as the gunshots began, they abruptly ended.

I fell to the ground in fatigue with Murphy still at my side.

I suddenly heard him groan. Swirling my entire body to face him, I saw him writhing on the grass beside me, breathing heavily and holding the side of his waist. "Fuck!" I cursed in distress, pulling the disheveled tendrils of my hair from my face as I surveyed him. Feeling as though my heart was about to burst, I rolled onto my knees, pulling him up as slowly and carefully as I could and supporting his back with my left arm. So many questions and curses whirled through my head, but at that moment, all I was concerned about was Murphy's safety. Making sure that he applied enough pressure to the wound, I declared shakily, "Murphy, I don't have my phone with me, so I'm going to take you to the hospital, alright?" I wiped the sweat trickling down his brow and cheeks with the palm of my hand. I tried to steady my voice. "Can you get up?"

He nodded quickly, attempting to place his gun back into his coat pocket. Seeing the excruciating pain plastered upon his countenance, I slung his arm around my shoulder, using all of my strength to pull him up. Now fear had me even more in its grasp as I struggled to half-lead, half-carry Murphy into his car. Luckily, we were only a few seconds from the parking lot, so it wasn't long before I had opened the door and helped Murphy get inside as carefully as possible into the backseat. Running towards the other side and jumping into the driver's seat, I started the engine as quickly as I could, stepped hard on the engine, and began to maniacally drive down the deserted, gravel street.

I felt as though I was in a dream, a semi-conscious state where everything was blurry, indistinct. The dimly-lit road in front of me seemed to wander, and I alternated my gaze upon the road and the rearview mirror, checking Murphy's status. Using all my will to keep my calm and to keep from bursting into tears, I choked, "Murphy, talk to me! Please, talk to me!"

"Not the hospital." He replied weakly through tight lips, grabbing onto my shoulder as he painfully leaned forward. Through his gritted teeth, he continued hoarsely, "My Ma's house, Lourdes. Take me to my Ma's house."

"What?!" I cried in disbelief, attempting to turn around to face him. Ultimately having to keep my eyes on the road, I shot him a glance from the rearview mirror. "No, Murphy, you're going to the hospital!"

"They'll ask questions." He replied curtly, now squeezing my shoulder with a bloodied hand. "Please, just do what I say."

I began to shook my head, unconvinced, "Murphy…"

"Please, Lourdes!" He said a little more forcefully before leaning back upon the backseat, hissing through his teeth.

I knew with Murphy's stubborn nature that he wouldn't get out of the car even if I did bring him to the hospital. So, finally complying to his request, I gave my head a nod of acquiesce, hastily agreeing, "Alright, I'll take you home." I forced myself to refrain from questioning his motives or intentions at the moment. All I wanted now was to get Murphy some help, whether it be from doctors or his family.

Paying no attention to speed limits, I haphazardly zigzagged through the streets, taking the most efficient route to the MacManus home. Semi-hyperventilating, I fought to keep my composure, concentrating on not getting the two of us killed in traffic. Finally catching sight of the MacManus home not far in the distance, my anxieties lessened a bit. Frantically halting the vehicle upon the driveway, I twisted my head towards Murphy's form once more. "Murphy, I'm gonna go get Connor and…"

Murphy wasn't moving.

The panic rose within me once more as I clutched his hand. "Murphy? Murphy!"

He didn't answer.

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**A/N: Oh crap. What'd you guys think? xx IFHD**


	8. Panic

**A/N: I can't tell you guys enough how much I love all of your reviews! I'm go glad to see that you all are worried for dear Murph. Let's see if I kill him or not, shall we? ) Thank you for reading, reviewing and saving this story to your alert list and faves list. **

**I have ideas for a BDS and The Black Donnellys crossover, so that will come sometime in the future. I'll keep you posted when I start working on it, but again, I'm so busy nowadays that that won't probably happen for a while. I hope you enjoy this next one and I will update asap! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 8: Panic**

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"_**The Only One"**_

_**By: The Class of 98**_

_Here we go again_

_For all my life I've tried  
To make my way to the inside (Yeah)  
Pull yourself to me  
'Cause this means nothing without you (Here we go)_

_Here we go again  
We were running past empty  
I know you are the only one  
I never will again let myself pretend  
Baby, I know you are the only one_

_If I stay tonight  
Doesn't mean the worst is over (yeah)  
Turn yourself to me  
'Cause I am lost until I find you_

_Here we go again  
We were running past empty  
I know you are the only one  
I never will again let myself pretend  
Baby, I know you are the only one_

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_**Flashback**_

_"Bang! Bang!"_

_I felt my heart jump, so high that I thought that it was about to rip through my chest. With a shriek, I whirled around, agitated, now face to face with my attacker. With an angry scowl that would've scared all the monsters in the world, I took a step forward, fists clenched to my sides. My assailant snickered through his awkwardly-made mask, taking a step back, though still holding the toy gun upwards and pointing it straight at my head. As I reached for the black mask, he lithely jumped backwards, easily evading my onslaught._

_"Yer supposed ta be dead!" He cheerily reminded me in a sing-song-like voice, pointing towards the ground between us as though it clearly marked my grave. "Lord, I shot ye twice, so ya lose!"_

_I proceeded to grab the gun from his grasp, but he managed to raise it above his head before I could. With a shriek of frustration, I roared, "I wasn't playing!" Stomping a foot to emphasize my disgruntlement, I folded my arms across my chest, frowning. "Why don't the two o' ya just shoot each other?!"_

_With a chuckle, Murphy removed his ski mask, mussing his already unkempt hair. "Connor's too busy shootin' McFarland and O'Donnell over by the shop. Ye were right there, so why not shoot ya?" He gave me a pleased wink, placing his 'gun' back in his holster. "I gotta practice how ta shoot bad guys if I wanna be a cop, don't I?"_

_"You're only 13 and ya wanna start shootin' people?" I said in complete distaste, finally managing to give Murphy an annoyed shove. I scolded him like an adult, "Ya know, you're gonna get yourself killed before ya reach 30 if ya keep this up!"_

_With a complacent shrug and mirthful eyes, he merely answered, "That's for God ta decide."_

_**End Flashback**_

"Murphy, oh God!" Tears now freely streamed from my eyes as I released all of my caged emotions. Frantically stumbling out of the car, I pulled the backseat door wide open. Murphy laid on the blood-splattered seat, eyes closed, completely motionless. With shaking fingers, I placed my hand upon his neck, desperately feeling for a pulse. To my relief, I felt a faint one and saw his that his chest was rising and falling in shallow breaths. Bolting from the vehicle, I ran towards the porch, rapping upon the front door, panic-stricken. The porch light turned on a few seconds later. Seeing the door being slowly opened by Connor, I disregarded his greeting, grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and pulled him hurriedly towards the driveway.

"Lourdes, what the fuck is wrong?" He began worriedly upon seeing my unbridled haste. "Why are ye so…"

"Murphy's been shot." I replied curtly, almost choking upon my words. Upon seeing his brother lying upon the backseat, seemingly lifeless, Connor's expression completely changed from wonder to something in between distress, panic and anger. Cursing under his breath, he carefully surveyed the wound and placed his fingers upon Murphy's neck, as I had done.

"His pulse is strong." Connor promptly informed me, leaning into the car in order to pull his brother out as quickly, though at the same time delicately, as possible. Taking Murphy's left arm as Connor lifted him out of the vehicle, Connor and I moved as promptly as we could, carrying Murphy straight to the living room couch. Without a word, Connor busied himself with examining Murphy's wound, lifting the ripped jacket and shirt up towards Murphy's chest. Feeling my head swirl at the sight of the blood-covered Murphy, I slowly fell to the ground, feeling faint. Connor saw this as his eyes fell upon me for a split second. He ordered through tight lips, "Ye gotta keep conscious for me, alright, Lourdes?" When I gave him a slow nod of understanding, he firmly directed, "Go heat the iron on the stove. Once it's hot enough, bring it 'ere." As if reading my mind, he added authoritatively, "Don't worry, I know what I'm doin'."

Without a word of protest, I darted into the adjacent kitchen, rummaging through the numerous cupboards to find the iron with haste. Finally finding it underneath a cloth, I shakily twisted the stove switch to max power and placed the iron upon it. As I waited for a few minutes, still trembling, I listened eagerly as I heard Connor trying to wake Murphy. Murphy's groan made my heart constrict. Just as I began to feel more tears swelling upon the sides of my eyes, I heard Connor say, "Lourdes, bring it 'ere. Should be hot enough."

With unstable fingers, I did as he had requested. Falling to my knees once more, I carefully handed him the iron, simultaneously attempting to retain my composure. In return, he tossed me a piece of blood-streaked cloth. Immediately understanding what he asked of me, I looked down upon the semi-conscious Murphy, whose head writhed slowly from side to side in utter anguish. Gently placing my hand on the nape of his neck, I wrapped the cloth in between his teeth, holding it together tightly at the back. I didn't dare look at what Connor was about to do next. Closing my eyes and turning away, I heard the hissing of Murphy's skin being burnt, followed by his muffled cries. When his cries didn't fade, I opened my bleary eyes in worry and fear. Connor kept his hand firmly upon Murphy's chest in order to keep him still, but Murphy still continued to twist and turn upon the couch. Letting out a sob, I entwined my fingers with his, attempting to somehow alleviate his pain. He gripped my hand firmly and I held him closely. To my relief, his screaming finally subsided after a few moments. Now, his shallow breathing was the only thing audible.

Connor chucked the iron aside, now working on Murphy's cauterized wound. The panic on his face had lessened, though he remained tense. Looking up at me, he said, "The bullet went straight through the side of his waist. Only clipped it, so it should heal pretty quickly." He let out a slow, shaky breath. "Gonna go call Ma. She's at the pub with yers." Placing a strong, comforting hand on my shoulder, he finished, "Take care of Murph for a while, alright?"

"I will." I replied quietly, making myself more comfortable upon the floor as Connor exited the room. Taking the cloth that Connor had placed upon the bandage around Murphy's stomach, I proceeded to wipe the remaining blood away, finally finding that I could breathe normally.

I felt Murphy weakly grab my hand. Turning my gaze upon his questioning eyes, he whispered, "You okay?"

Only Murphy would ask if I was okay when _he_ was the one who had been shot!

"Aye." I instantly lied, swallowing as I forced a smile that didn't particularly reach my eyes.

I could see that Murphy wasn't at all reassured with my response. With the back of his palm now stroking the side of my face, he began, "Lourdes, I'm really sorry if I…"

"Shh." I hushed him with a shake of my head, taking his hand in mine once more. "Look, you need to rest. Get some sleep, alright?"

Murphy pondered on this for a few moments, placing a strand of hair behind my ear. He finally conceded with a nod. "Okay."

Dabbing the blood and perspiration from his forehead with the cloth once more, I observed him silently as he quickly drifted off into sleep, complete fatigue engulfing him. His chest rose and fell in a rhythmic pace, the pain on his expression slowly disappearing. Taking his hand in mine, I placed a lingering kiss upon it, shakily exhaling as I rested my cheek upon his arm. As silent tears cascaded from my eyes once more, I felt Connor's hand on my shoulder.

"I'll take ye home." I heard him say soothingly as he helped me up to my feet. "My Ma will be back to look after Murphy in a few minutes, so he'll be taken care of."

I gave him a nod of acquiesce, though feeling all of the energy drained from my body as well. Turning to face him, I wiped the stream of tears from my face with my palms, taking long breaths to calm my nerves. Frowning, Connor took a step forward and gingerly took me in his arms. I slowly wrapped my arms around his waist, sobbing as I buried my face upon his chest. Resting his chin upon my head, he softly whispered, "Don't worry, Lourdes. He'll be alright. Murphy will be alright."

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**A/N: Are you guys as relieved as I am? Phew! Let me know what you think! xx IFHD**


	9. A Different Light

**A/N:** **Again, you guys are amazing! You get a special treat - two updates in one week! I love how you all review so quickly. It really keeps me going when I'm writing. But again, thank you to those who reviewed: christianlovesme, IrishSaints, Sith Happens, WWESupernatural102292, Nyah1, betty-boo and wolfchick11. Thank you for reading and continually supporting this story. I hope you enjoy this next one, because I enjoyed writing it! xx IFHD **

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**Chapter 9: A Different Light**

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"_**Pretend I'm Okay"**_

_**By: The Class of 98**_

_The memory (forgot the good times)_

_Say hello (Cause I can't believe I'm here)_

_I carry you around like a pop song in my head_

_Never ask why (If it's a miracle)_

_Say goodbye (For the first time in my life)_

_Cause there is nothing I want more than to get you back_

_Pretend I'm okay_

_It kills to see you walk away_

_Pretend I'm okay_

_You know you'll live in my memory_

_Cross my name (off your list)_

_It's not alright (To pretend that I'm okay)_

_To say goodbye to you when I've built my life around you_

_You'll live in my memory (bye bye)_

_Cause I'm okay if you're okay_

_Pretend I'm okay_

_It kills to see you walk away_

_Pretend I'm okay_

_You know you'll live in my memory_

_Pretend I'm okay_

_You know you'll live in my memory_

_Cause I'm okay if you're okay_

_In my memory_

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Questions about that traumatizing night with Murphy plagued me every time I woke. I had to continuously fight back tears every time the memory of what had happened flashed through my mind: the piercing gun shots; the rampant fear; Murphy's near death experience. I went through the week attempting to make sense of my convoluted emotions without any contact with the MacManuses. I didn't know how I felt anymore, or _what_ I felt anymore, with regards to what had happened, Murphy or Ciaran. I needed to disregard my emotions for now; Murphy's well-being was of utmost importance. Thankfully finding some time in my hectic life to pay the MacManuses a visit, I headed straight for their home one night after work.

A frowning Ma MacManus opened the door when I arrived. Instantly embracing her, I inquired, "You alright, Ma? How's Murphy doing?"

"Finally up and walkin'." Her tired, sullen eyes betrayed the small smile that she obviously forced. Rubbing the side of my arm as she stepped back to usher me inside, she informed me, "I didn't know whether ta drink meself senseless or to beat the boy senseless. Ye know how he takes ta scrappin' without thinkin'."

I nodded in understanding, remembering all of the trouble and the fights that Murphy had gotten himself into when we were younger. Though, I wholeheartedly believed that Murphy wasn't to blame for this attack.

Ma offered me a drink, which I readily accepted, as we both sat down on the living room couch. With a deep sigh, she admitted, "Didn't know what ta tell yer Ma when I found out. Decided not ta tell her at all. She'd probably get the cops about."

"She still doesn't know." I told her as I began to sip my beer, knowing that that was precisely what my mother would have done. I let out a wry scoff with a shake of my head. "I don't plan to tell her either. She doesn't need any more headaches."

Ma reached over for my hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "How ye doin', though, lass? That shit must've traumatized ye good. Been through that same shit even before I was yer age. It stays with ye for a long time."

The knowing look on her countenance immediately informed me that I couldn't lie to her even if I tried. "It's not the best of times for me right now," I admitted outright, taking everything else into consideration, "but I'll get through it somehow."

"Well," she smiled genuinely then, patting my cheek softly, "'atta girl. Ye were always a resilient one." Straightening her shirt as she stood, she motioned her head towards the stairs. "The twins are upstairs in Murph's room."

Giving her another embrace of gratitude, I crossed the living room and quietly made my way upstairs. Hearing Murphy's and Connor's soft voices from the far end of the corridor, my ears perked up to the sound of their raised voices and peculiar conversation. Trying to look through the slightly ajar door, I caught the sight of Murphy pacing as Connor sat upon the bed.

"I fuckin' told ya a hundred times, I didn't see who the two 'o them were!" Murphy let out a frustrated sigh as he continued to pace, mussing up his hair.

Connor's jaw tightened, pointing a guilty finger straight at Murphy. "Ye fuckin' know as well as I do that that wasn't a random attack. Think about it. Ye and Lourdes at Bunker Hill, out in the open for Christ's fuckin' sake. Do ye _really_ think that these fuckers would be stupid enough to take that risk? That was a fucking _hit_, Murph, and ye were the fuckin' target."

At this point, I felt my heart constrict. What the fuck were they talking about? Murphy, a target of a hit; did that explain why he had that gun? What had he gotten himself into this time?

Murphy plopped down beside Connor, placing his forehead upon his clenched fists as though he were praying. "I think it's them, Con. It _has_ to be them." He muttered through tight lips, closing his eyes momentarily. "They had to have followed us all the way here."

The floor underneath my right foot squeaked as I took another step forward. The two simultaneously looked up, suddenly on their guard. "Ma?" I heard Connor call out, standing as he made his way through the door. Curiously looking out of the doorway, his expression softened as he saw me, a small smile tugging upon his lips. "Oh, hey. Didn't hear ya come in."

"Hi." I said as normally as I could, unwilling to show that I had heard their conversation. Trying not to let my curiosity get the best of me, I placed what I had just witnessed transpire in the back of my mind as I followed Connor into the room. Murphy stood slowly as I entered, an incredulous expression appearing on his countenance.

I heard Connor softly clear his throat behind me, seeing him exchange a knowing look with his twin. He piped up, "Gonna go make sure Ma's not startin' on the whiskey yet."

My eyes followed him as he left the room, closing the door softly behind him. I suddenly felt so nervous, so vulnerable to be alone with Murphy once more, especially since we were in the room where it – whatever 'it' was – began. Wringing my hands nervously in front of me, I inwardly cursed Connor for leaving. How could Murphy evoke such feelings, feelings that I had not felt in a long time, so easily? As I heard him take a step forward, I forced myself to look up, instantly meeting his sapphire eyes.

"Hey." He began softly, through consciously making sure that he kept a decent space between us. By his expression, I knew he could sense my nervousness and discomfort. He patiently waited as I began to form words.

"I um…" I couldn't believe how shaky my voice was. Attempting to compose myself, I placed my arms stiffly to my sides. I tried again, more slowly this time. "I came to visit you, to…to see how you were doing."

A sparkle of sincere mirth speared in his eyes. "I'm doin' much better now, thanks." He sat down upon the bed once more, never breaking his curious stare. He nodded to the all-black business suit that I was wearing. "Just came back from work or somethin'?"

"Aye." Staring at the empty spot beside him, I finally conjured the nerve to sit upon the bed. There was at least two feet of empty space between us – two feet of space that was supposed to help me regain my composure. Instead, nervousness began to overtake me once more.

"Ye should come out for a drink with us tomorrow night."

I managed to twist my head to look at Murphy once more. He was smiling now – that sincere, genuine smile of his. Not knowing where my nerve came from, I reached for the hem of his shirt without a word. He only eyed me curiously as I slowly lifted it upwards up to the top of his abdomen. I bit my bottom lip upon seeing the triangle-shaped burn mark on the side of his waist, a testament to the hot iron tip. It seemed to be healing well, showing no signs of infection. Letting out a breath of relief, I slowly released the fabric. Though, before I could fully retrieve my hand, Murphy reached out for it.

"How have ye been doin'?" he said in the same tone of his greeting, his body now facing mine. "I haven't heard from ye in almost a week. I was really worried about ye."

I could only watch how our fingers entwined, seemingly dancing with one another. "I'm trying to come to grips with everything." I informed him, though not willing to speak about specifics. Even though I answered cryptically, somehow I knew that Murphy understood what I was talking about. I squeaked, "Sorry I didn't come earlier, I just…"

"It's alright, don't worry." He interjected quickly, releasing my hand. "I just want ya ta be okay."

"I'm trying to be." I admitted, though the tone of discouragement was apparent in my voice. "It's just so hard for me to think about what happened, to remember that I thought that you were gonna…that I was going to…"

I clamped my mouth shut, now attempting to fight back the tears that were forming upon the sides of my eyes. I helplessly dropped my head into my hands, taking a deep breath as I tried to regain a bit of composure in Murphy's presence. I heard him softly call out my name, his voice filled with regret and concern. A dead silence filled the room as I looked up. I was lost in my own thoughts, though not oblivious to Murphy's presence. He continued to stare intently at me, most likely trying to read my thoughts, or trying to form something to say in his head. I was the first to break the silence, turning my head to face him once more. "I better go." I said somewhat regrettably as I stood in front of him. "I gotta help my Ma with some things since my Da's out of the country for a few days."

Murphy followed suit and stood up as well, nodding his head in understanding. "Oh, aye." Concern was still evident in his eyes, but he ultimately said nothing more.

The space in between us had been enclosed, Murphy's form now mere inches from mine. I felt myself holding my breath as his intense, blue orbs bore into my own. This time, I managed to meet his gaze straight on, unflinching. Had I resolved anything by coming here? Or will everything just be more complicated?

"I'm really sorry ya have ta go through this." With a crinkled forehead and lips fallen into a frown, it was obvious that it pained for him to see me in this state. Inching closer to my form, Murphy slinked his arms around my waist, holding me loosely.

I was now completely frozen, breath caught in my lungs. I knew what he intended to do. I gripped the front of his shirt as half of me screamed for him to stop and the other encouraged him to continue. I didn't know whether to push myself away or pull him closer. I whispered hoarsely, "Murphy, please…" My tone was ambiguous, for even I had no clue whether I asked for him to stop or if I urged him to continue. When he didn't bulge, I said more firmly, decisively, "You have to stop this."

"What if I don't want ta?" His unphased, tender expression didn't change as he pulled me even closer to him, orbs now in flames. He brushed his lips down the side of my cheek, teasingly, wantonly. He asked breathlessly, "Do ya really want me to stop?"

_Yes. _

_No. _

_I don't fucking know!_, I screamed inwardly, closing my eyes as the skin of his lips continued to tickle my face. His calloused fingers inched their way beneath the back of my shirt, raking its way up from the small of my back to my shoulder blades. I let out a throaty groan, feeling the mixed sensation of ticklishness and the pleasure of his warm touch. His lips then brushed upon my ear, sending trembles down my body, his warm breath intoxicating. Holding me firmly, he whispered, "What do ye want, Lourdes? Tell me what ye really want."

With my feet firmly rooted upon the wooden ground, I couldn't manage a sound. I merely stood in front of him, shallow breaths escaping my lungs, as his sapphire orbs continued to observe me with fervent desire. Without warning, he suddenly released me, taking purposeful strides towards the bedroom door. With a flick of his wrist, he turned the lock shut.

Trapped, sealed…captive.

Murphy twisted his head to meet my gaze one more, eyeing me as a predator eyes his prey, but also looking for my response. When I could only stare at him with lips slightly apart, he took a few steps towards me, tugging at the back collar of his shirt. In a swift motion, he had managed to rid himself of his shirt and toss it mindlessly upon the ground. Now standing half-naked in front of me, he gingerly grasped my hands in his, placing my shaking palms upon his toned chest. My eyes traced up his torso, gaze lingering upon his abdomen and intricate tattoos. I was captivated by his form, simultaneously afraid and surprised of the heightened drumming of my heart.

"If ye want me, then have me."

I felt my knees go weak at his statement, feeling as though I could faint at any moment. Resting his hands upon my waist, he kept me steady, eyes slightly squinted in lust, mouth parted in open invitation. Overwhelmed by his seductiveness, I had to close my eyes. I could still feel him breathing underneath my fingertips, the warmth and aura of his body coursing through my own. As my eyelids fluttered open, I moved my fingers upon his chest, feeling the smoothness of his skin and the firmness of his muscles. Losing my willpower, I began to kiss his chest, tracing the tattoo embedded there. Then, my lips lingered upon his neck, teasingly licking, biting. I felt him shiver beneath my lips as he let out a shaky breath. Tightening his hold upon me, our lengths were now fully touching; an electrifying sensation coursed through our bodies.

Our mouths met in a passionate collision, teeth bumping, tongues fighting for domination. Letting out a whimper, I snaked my arms around his neck. Pulling him abruptly upon me, our chests pressed even harder against one another, the pressure so pleasing to my senses. I then felt his growing desire for me, which only managed to drive me further and further into an inescapable abyss. Is this what I really wanted? Is this what I could have?

Goddammit, I did it again.

"Fuck." I mumbled almost inaudibly, recoiling from Murphy without warning. Fully awakened from my trance, I managed to croak out a little more clearly, "I have to go. I'm sorry, Murphy, I have to go." As I pulled away from his grasp, I felt his spine stiffen. He released me without a fight. With a tightened jaw, Murphy managed a curt nod. Picking up his shirt from the floor, he hastily put it on, not willing to meeting my apologetic eyes. Without a word, he turned on his heel, unlocked the door, and exited the room.

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**A/N: Hopefully that wasn't TOO long. How'd you guys like that? You want more, don't ya:) xx IFHD**


	10. Kiss Me, I’m Shitfaced

**A/N: Again, you have all made me happy with all of your reviews! Thank you to christianlovesme, betty-boo, Sith Happens, penscratch, IrishSaints, wolfchick11, Jade Opal, Lex and Nyah1 for your wonderful reviews. As always, thank you for reading and keeping this story alive! I don't normally do this, but just to show my appreciation, I thought I would address you lovely reviewers publicly for this chapter. :)**

**christianlovesme**: I'm interested to see what you think of this chapter. Your comment somewhat foreshadows what happens! (I'll leave it at that for the hints!) But thank you, and I appreciate your support.

**betty-boo**: Wouldn't we all want Murphy on our Xmas list? Even though Lourdes has been naughty, maybe she'll still get a present...

**Sith Happens**: I'm a tease, I can't help it! And I'll admit it - I like to play with my readers:)

**penscratch**: Again, I'm a tease. It keeps readers on the edge of their seats, doesn't it? You might find a surprise in this chapter!

**IrishSaints**: Ciaran will play a crucial role in this story. Ciaran is pronounced "Sea-ah-run", but there may be variations. I can't wait to read your reaction to this chapter!

**wolfchick11**: As always, I will update asap! I really appreciate you taking the time to review both of my stories. Thank you for your ongoing support!

**Jade Opal**: Love and men - the two most complicated things in the world. I hope that Lourdes makes up her mind soon as well!

**Lex**: I really appreciate that you took the time to review! I hope you like this update - there is _a lot_ more to come, plus I am planning a sequel. This story will be about 20-25 chapters or so, depending on the reviews and hits. If people are interested, then I will continue to write:)

**Nyah1**: Lourdes is digging her grave deeper and deeper, huh? Let's hope she can resolve all of this soon. Thanks for your review!

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**Chapter 10: Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced**

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"_**Burning Bridges"**_

_**By: The Summer Obsession**_

_Mission accomplished,  
Do you feel regret breathing down your neck?  
Broken friendships in progress,  
Do you ever wonder why your soul is in debt?_

_Light a match,  
But use it to find your way through the dark._

_When the sun goes down emotions all come out,  
And your sapphire eyes keep staring at the ground,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning all your bridges down._

_The future is pending,  
Are you sending angels out or demons instead?  
What goes around comes around,  
How will you cross the lakes and rivers that surround you?_

_Light a match,  
But use it to find your way through the dark._

_When the sun goes down emotions all come out,  
And your sapphire eyes keep staring at the ground,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning all your bridges down._

_With every kiss, that's on your list,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
With every kiss, that's on your list,  
You're burning all your bridges down._

_When the sun goes down emotions all come out,  
And your sapphire eyes keep staring at the ground,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning all your bridges down,  
You're burning them down,  
You're burning them down,  
You're burning them down,  
You're burning them down,  
You're burning them down,  
Burning them down,  
Burning them down._

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_**Flashback**_

_I ran blindly down a beaten path upon a field not too far from my house. Wild and uncontrollable tears freely cascaded down the sides of my beet-red cheeks as my mud-covered shoes continued to rhythmically thump upon the uneven ground. Keep running, I said inwardly, you're almost home. Then, you can be left alone and forget everything that happened – forget about Connor. Oh, Connor. Even if I tried, I wouldn't be able to get him off of my mind; I wouldn't be able to forget what I had just witnessed, not in a million fucking years._

_As I turned the corner to my street, looking forward to the home stretch, the sound of lively whistling caught my ears. Just as I was about to look up, I violently collided with the figure in front of me, sending me straight towards the ground and him awkwardly stumbling to retain his balance. "Fuck me!" I heard him curse in surprise under his breath as he eventually managed to steady himself._

_Murphy. _

_Shit._

_I wanted no one to see me in this state, to be humiliated by a bombardment of uninvited questions. Unsteadily pushing myself off of the ground, I felt him grasp my upper arm and nimbly tug me upwards. As I regained my former stance, I mumbled my thanks and kept my eyes diverted towards the pavement. I was just about ready to bolt out of the scene once more when his index finger caught the bottom of my chin, slightly lifting my head so that I could meet his eyes._

_"You cryin', Lourdes?"_

_"No." I replied curtly, pushing my disheveled hair from my face. I managed to meet Murphy's peering orbs, which continued to gaze at me in question. "I'm…I'm just cold, is all."_

_"Fuck off, like I'd believe that." He let out a scoff, triggering another uncontrollable sob from my moist lips. Frowning, he placed his palms upon my upper arms, lightly stroking them in both apology and comfort. "Ye saw Connor with his girlfriend, didn't ye? Over by the coffee shop?" When I refused to reply, he merely continued, "Look, ye can't go beatin' 'round the bush like this, cryin' all about that shit. If ye like me brother, just tell 'im. Even if he has a girlfriend, he'll let ye know how he feels about ye. Ye keep beatin' yerself up for this, but he has no idea how ye feel, does he?"_

_All I could manage to do was slowly shake my head. "I don't…I don't think so."_

_Murphy flashed me a quirky half-smile. "Then ye really can't expect him ta do anythin', then, can ye?" He placed his palm lightly upon my cheek. "Look, my philosophy is, always go for what ye want. Whatever ye think is holding ye back doesn't exist if what yer going for is what ye really want. I'm not sayin' ta break Con and his girlfriend up – I'm sayin' that ye never know how Connor feels about ye until ye ask. If ye let him know, then at least ye'll give him a choice." When he saw that he had managed to illicit a nod of understanding from me, he gave me two taps on the cheek with his fingers before retrieving his arm. He commented sincerely, "And don't worry about what he says or does. Yer awesome, and any guy would be lucky ta have ye."_

_With a smile and salute, Murphy continued on his way, leaving me alone and bewildered._

_**End Flashback**_

"Love, ye've been awfully quiet tonight."

I tuned into the sound of Ciaran's concerned voice as we zigzagged through the brightly-lit streets of central Dublin in a taxi. We had spent a leisure day at O'Connell Street and were not heading towards the lively Temple Bar district for the night. As I pried my eyes away from the bustling streets, I finally gave Ciaran my undivided attention. With a small smile that didn't reach my eyes, I admitted, "I just have a lot on my mind, that's all."

He began to rub my back, offering what little comfort he could give. Frowning, he questioned, "Things like what? Do ya wanna talk about it?"

I gave my head a firm shake, looking out towards the blurry streets once more. I placed a clenched fist upon my lips, leaning my elbow upon the window. Ciaran retrieved his hand from my form, letting out a long exhale. "Ye gotta stop doin' this, Lourdes. I don't even know what the fuck's goin' on with ye anymore!" I heard him ruffle his dark, spiked hair in frustration. He kept his temper in check, controlling his rising voice, "Ye've been so fuckin' distant lately, ye know that? Every time I talk to ye, ye act like this. I consider meself lucky to even get a bloody response from ye nowadays!"

I couldn't blame Ciaran for being upset. I just couldn't. I was distant and unaffectionate as of late. That, coupled with the fact that there were so many things that he didn't know – things that I didn't _want_ him to know. Was it the guilt that was driving me to act like this? Did I only keep quiet because I didn't want to hurt him? "I'm sorry." I said sincerely, finally meeting his eyes and taking his hand in mine. "I don't want to drag you into this. I need to figure this out myself, alright?"

Although obviously not reassured, he managed to give me a nod. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips upon mine, giving me a long, lingering kiss. It brought neither comfort nor consolation. I returned it half-heartedly, placing the palm of my hand upon the slight stubble on his cheek.

The taxi then turned on a curb and slowed to an abrupt stop. "That'll be 10 Euro, mate." The driver called out, eyeing the two of us with a smile from the rearview mirror.

"Cheers, mate." Ciaran replied curtly as he handed him a bill. As we exited the cab, Ciaran took my hand in his, smiling. "Where do ya wanna go?"

I took a cursory glance around the famous street full of pubs and clubs. Spotting a buzzing pub not far in the distance, I motioned my head towards it. "That one looks promising." Trying to lift the heavy weight from my mind at the moment – at least, for the entire night – I led Ciaran to the nearby establishment, the sound of hearty laughs and Irish fiddles filling the air around us.

The entrance was already crowded from wall to wall as we walked in. We had to yell 'excuse me' several times as we rightly pushed our way to the bar. It felt more than claustrophobic, but after a little more effort, we were finally able to zigzag through the merry patrons and begin to queue for the bar. "Nice choice, babe." Ciaran yelled, giving me a peck on the cheek. "Like it 'ere already!"

Suddenly, a tap on my shoulder suddenly gained my attention. "Well. Fancy seein' ye 'ere," a familiar voice greeted me from behind. Turning, I spotted Connor, who was trying to balance four pint glasses in his hands. He shot me a smirk. "Who ya 'ere with?"

"Oh!" I exclaimed, as if suddenly remembering where I was. Taking Ciaran's arm in order to gain his attention, I cordially introduced the two men. "Connor, this is Ciaran O'Malley. Hon, this is Connor MacManus." I smiled then, alternately gazing at the two of them. "Do ye two remember each other at all? It's been a while."

The look that passed between the two of them made me uncomfortable. Connor's eyes had, for a split second, flashed into a darker shade of blue as they landed on Ciaran. I didn't know how, but it seemed as though they had recognized each other instantaneously. I curiously eyed the two of them, who rightly towered over me, as I stood in between them. They continued to stand stiffly, back straightened, as they continued to stare sternly at one another without a word passing between them.

It was Connor who first broke the awkward silence. "Aye, we remember each other." He surprisingly said in a light tone. "Don't we, Ciaran?"

"That we do." Ciaran responded, flashing his teeth as he wrapped his arm around my waist. "How've ye been holdin' up, MacManus?"

The highly cordial tone in Ciaran's voice, somewhat uncharacteristic of him, made me curious. Looking up to see how Connor would respond, I heard him say curtly. "Not bad." Connor's stiffened jaw melted away as he turned his attention to me. With a softened expression, he said lightly, "We're at that booth over there. Care to join us?"

"Um…sure." I replied slowly, eyes darting to Ciaran to see if he would protest. When he only tilted his head in acquiesce, we slowly followed Connor through the packed room, drinks in hand, and made our way towards the corner booth.

As the crowd parted to make way for us, I immediately caught the sight of Murphy. I felt my heart lurch at his sight. With an arm slung over a blonde woman, he took a long drag of his cigarette, then ensued to burn it out on the ashtray before him. Another woman with curly, ginger hair sat to his side, laughing at a joke that had passed between them. Only the two women laughed, though. Murphy kept his attention on the empty pint glass that he was mindlessly twisting in his hand. Upon our arrival, the three immediately looked up.

Connor took his seat beside the ginger-haired woman, pleased that he had managed to successfully bring their drinks without spilling a drop. My eyes immediately connected with Murphy's. Even as Ciaran and I filed into the booths beside Connor, our stare never broke. Feeling uncomfortable after a few moments, I finally pried my eyes away from his, snatching the pint glass in front of me and taking long gulps.

Where was a gun when I needed one?

"Hey, slow down there, love." Ciaran whispered in my ear with a smile, kissing me upon the cheek once more. "Ye'll be passed out before ye know it!"

That was when Connor began to introduce all of us. I inwardly scoffed. Fuck the introductions. I wanted more pints!

"Eleanor," he gestured to the blonde, "Ye already know Murphy, and this 'ere is Nellie." He wrapped an arm around Nellie, grinning widely, "Mates, this is Lourdes and…" he cleared his throat, "Ciaran."

"Pleased ta meet ya." I was ashamed that Ciaran had to speak for the both of us. I could only look at the three and force out a pained smile. Ciaran continued in that same cordial manner that he had greeted Connor, "How you been holdin' up, Murphy? It's been a while."

It was difficult to miss that Murphy's expression had turned hard, dark. I noticed how his fists had clenched in front of him, stifling the new cigarette that he had lit. Pursing his lips into a thin line, he mumbled, "Not that long, Ciaran."

Furrowing my brows at this unusual, somewhat cryptic, response, I turned to Ciaran for an answer. He merely smiled at me, as if in reassurance, and squeezed my hand to emphasize that all was well. He turned to the four once more, his tone light. "Been havin' a good time?"

"Definitely!" Eleanor immediately answered, cuddling closer to Murphy flirtatiously. "Best time I've had in a while!"

_Ahh, fuck off!_ I said inwardly as I took another sip of my pint. I managed to refrain from rolling my eyes as she began to whisper in Murphy's ear, making him smirk. I felt Connor's eyes on me, then saw them land on Murphy. I knew he felt the tension between me and Murph. Ciaran and the other two women had to have been oblivious, thankfully enough, because they went about talking, joking and laughing as if everyone was having a good time. I, on the other hand, wanted to leave. Why did I even agree to sit with them in the first place? _Of course_ Murphy would've been with Connor!

But wasn't that the reason _why_ I wanted to join him in the first place?

About half an hour of complete torture passed by. In front of me, all Eleanor was doing was flirting with Murphy, giving him her undivided attention. Murphy reciprocated her advances, whispering in her ear, keeping his arm around her shoulders. He barely even looked at me after the initial greeting, all of his attention now directed entirely to her. As I finished my third pint, I saw Eleanor stand from the corner of my eye. My eyes flashing upwards, I immediately observed Murphy following suit, placing on his black coat as he exited the booth.

"Ye two off?" Connor slurred beside me, reluctantly taking his attention away from Nellie.

"Aye." Eleanor nodded with a giggle, slinking her arm around Murphy's. "It was nice meeting ye two!"

I fought with all my might not to outwardly scowl. An 'aye' was all I could manage as I pursed my lips into a thin line. Fuck it. It wasn't any of my business where they were going, anyway. Murphy can do whatever – or whoever – he goddamn pleased! It was easy to overlook the storm brewing in my eyes, but it was evident that Murphy didn't miss the glint of anger within them as our gazes locked. With a swirling, pumping head and a progressively tipsy body, I fully turned away from him in spite, and without a word of warning, fully captured Ciaran's lips in mine.

When I looked up a few moments later, Murphy was gone.

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**A/N: Has Lourdes really burned all of her bridges down? Will she and Murphy ever resolve things? Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	11. Pursuit

**A/N: I don't think I need to remind you guys how wonderful you all are! Thanks to penscratch, ivyshortcake, betty-boo, IrishSaints, christianlovesme, Sith Happens, Nyah1, Jade Opal and wolfchick11 for reviewing. Thanks to those who saved this story on their faves and alert lists! I really appreciate your support. I made sure this next chapter will be to your liking. I'm really happy that you guys liked the previous chapter -- now I know I have two Eleanors that review! haha Let's see if Lourdes and Murph work things out. Cheers! xx IFHD**

**[This story will be Rated M from here onwards. Reader discretion is advised.**

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**Chapter 11: Pursuit**

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_**"In Her Eyes"**_

_**By: Josh Groban**_  
_  
She stares through my shadow  
She sees something more  
Believes there's a light in me  
She is sure  
And her truth makes me stronger  
Does she realize  
I awake every morning  
With her strength by my side_

_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am_

_This world keeps on spinning  
Only she steals my heart  
She's my inspiration  
She's my northern star  
I don't count my possession  
All I call mine  
I will give her completely  
To the end of all time_

_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am_

_In her eyes I see the sky and all I'll ever need  
In her eyes time passes by and she is with me_

_I am not a hero  
I am not an angel  
I am just a man  
Man who's trying to love her  
Unlike any other  
In her eyes I am  
In her eyes I am_

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"What do you _mean_ you're leaving for a couple of months?" I rightly barked at the receiver, bolting up from my living room couch in incredulity. "All the way to Boston and New York?" I furrowed my brows in annoyance as I began to mindlessly pace. Running my fingers through my hair in utter frustration, I continued, "Ciaran, we barely spend any time together anymore, and now you're leaving without an explanation? What are you going to be doing all the way in America?"

"It's just business, love. The boss just needed me to close a deal over there. It's complicated." Static filled the telephone wire, distorting his voice to make it so that I didn't recognize who I was speaking to anymore. "Two months isn't that long, sweetheart. I'll be back before ye know it, I promise."

"Ciaran, I can't do this anymore. I really can't." I whimpered helplessly into the receiver, feeling so powerless, so alone. "I can't be with someone who's never there for me, in every way possible."

I heard him quickly lose his temper as he gave out a frustrated sigh. "I can't deal with your PMS shit right now, alright? We've been through this how many times?" His voice progressively rose, making me shake even though I couldn't even see him. In an instant, he managed to lower his voice as he finished, "We'll talk about this when I get back."

I opened my mouth, prepared for a rebuttal; but before any words came out, he had slammed down the receiver, leaving me with a lingering dial tone. "Bastard!" I hissed to nobody in particular, turning the phone off and throwing it dismissively upon the couch. I snarled, "Jesus Christ! Why do I put up with his shit?"

Just as I began to unceremoniously stomp up the stairs, I heard soft rapping upon the front door. I thought I was just hearing things through the booming thunder and piercing lightning, but the sound began again, a little louder than before. Flicking on the hallway light, I wrapped my sweater more tightly around me as I made my way to the door. It was nearly three in the morning. Who would be up so late? Rather, who would pay my house a visit at this time?

Looking through the peephole, I made out Murphy's silhouette in the faint light. My heart immediately jumped, threatening to rip through my chest. Turning on the porch light and opening the door widely, I raised my eyebrows in surprise – not only about him being here at the moment, but his appearance in itself. Fully drenched from head to toe, he slightly trembled as he looked up at me. "Hey." He said with a shiver, not moving from where he was standing.

"M-murphy, what the – " I began, stuttering, "You'll fuckin' catch your death out there!" Moving to the side, I ushered the soaked man inside, quickly closing the door behind him to shield the two of us from the pounding rain. Turning to look at him, I commanded lightly, "Now stay here and keep your puddle in one place. I'll go get you some dry clothes." He made a move to say something, but I ignored him and began to jog up the stairs into my father's old room. _What the hell is he doing here?_ I inwardly questioned, half in wonder, half in …what was it…_excitement_? Shaking my head for good measure, I rummaged through my father's walk-in closet, trying to find something warm for Murphy to wear. When I had finally chosen something, I swirled around, only to find him at the doorway. Throwing him a laconic brow, I placed a hand on my hip, saying mockingly, "Didn't I just tell you to keep your puddle downstairs? Now you've soaked the carpet!"

He let out a low chuckle in response. The beating of my heart suddenly increased as he enclosed the space between us with purposeful strides, his gaze never breaking from mine. Taking me in his arms, he pushed me gently upon the door of the closet, securing me there. I let out a gasp as he pressed himself upon me, crushing me in a passionate embrace, showing no signs of letting go. Without a word, he captured my lips in his wet ones, kissing me ardently, wantonly, desperately. I let out a moan into his slick mouth, gasping for air, which he rarely let me have. Roaming his cold hands down the sides of my body, he continued his assault on my senses, unwilling to release me.

Getting a hold of my wit, I abruptly pushed him back. Now feeling rage instead of passion rising within me, I gave him a clear slap across his face – not too hard to cause any real damage, but hard enough so that he'd get the point. Momentarily broken from his trance, he took a step back, finally unpinning me from the door. With a scowl, I shoved the clothes that I still held in my hands onto his stomach, and then began to walk away from him. "If you only came here for one thing, Murph, you're not gonna get it." I snapped scathingly without looking at him.

Ignited by my words, Murphy threw the clothes upon the ground, hastily grabbing my upper arm. Swirling me to face him, he stated through gritted teeth, "I'm not gonna stop till ya realize what I feel for ye, and what ye feel for me. Ye can try to keep denyin' and fightin' it, but I can't anymore."

"What you feel for me?" I scoffed in disbelief, prying my hands away from his grasp. I gave him a shove upon his chest. "Aye, you _really_ showed that when you slept with that woman from the bar!"

Murphy furrowed his brows in confusion, hands raised to his sides in defense. "Who said I fuckin' slept with her?" My heart instantly jumped at this as I felt hope re-appear. He explained, "I took her home, but nothin' happened. I went home right after." His upset expression eventually lessened and softened into a small smile. "But fuck, if ye care so much about what I did with her…"

"I don't." I snapped curtly before turning my back on him once more.

He didn't buy it. "So what if I told ye that I did sleep with her?"

That question stopped me in my tracks. I felt my back automatically stiffen. Twisting my head to face him, I barked, "Then I'd say, 'Good for fuckin' you, Murphy MacManus. Another name to add to your list.'"

It was Murphy's turn to scoff. Crossing his arms upon his chest, he tightened his jaw. "So I see how this works. Ye can go off and be with Ciaran and purposely kiss him in front o' me to make me jealous, but I can't have some fun with another woman?" When I refused to reply, he merely shrugged. "Alright." Without warning, he easily removed his shirt, flinging the now heavy fabric upon the ground. As much as I tried to fight it, I couldn't help but have my eyes trace his wet, muscular torso. Water trickled everywhere, glistening upon his slick skin in the dim moonlight. I felt myself swallow as I continued to stand in front of him, stock frozen, observing his body. When he began to work on his belt buckle, he looked up at me with a mocking brow and a mischievous smile, saying in a light tone, "Do ye mind? I'm changin' 'ere."

Letting out an annoyed grunt, I swiftly exited the room, stomping down the stairs in disgruntlement. It wasn't long before Murphy followed me downstairs, jogging down the steps two at a time. Now somewhat dry, he proclaimed, "Yer not gonna get rid 'o me until we clear all this shit up between us, so stop runnin' away." He was quick to block my path, firmly standing in front of me. "So we should get started, or yer not gonna get any sleep tonight."

"Fine. I'll start." Pointing a guilty finger at him, I retorted coldly, "There's_nothing_ between us, Murphy. I'm with Ciaran." _Are you? _my mind responded automatically. I ignored the question and hastily continued, "You're with whoever you want to be. That's that."

He didn't flinch. "Right. So what do ye call what just happened a few seconds ago? What happened all those weeks ago?"

I desperately tried to search for the right word. I blurted, "Mistakes."

"Ye make it a habit to make mistakes, then?" He countered coolly, crossing his arms in front of him. "Why don't ye just fuckin' admit that ye want me as much as I want ye? Make things simple for the both of us."

"I'm _trying_ to make things simple, Murphy!" I cried, though trying to keep my voice in check. "_You_ are the one that keeps making things complicated!"

"I didn't plan any of this shit to happen, alright?" he admitted, raking his long fingers through his disheveled hair. "It just did." He took a step forward, now standing mere inches from me. "Just tell me this. If ye want me ta go, tell me now. I'll leave ye alone, leave ya ta Ciaran or whoever ya wanna be with. If ye don't, then just say it! Stop beatin' 'round the fuckin' bush and just _tell_ me."

He was right.

Dear God, Murphy was right.

Was I the one making things complicated? Was I the one who was afraid to admit the truth?

I refused to meet his eyes, keeping them fixated upon the ground. I could hear his shallow breathing, feel his eyes upon me, and still taste the sweetness of his lips. After a few moments of elapsed time, he had misunderstood my silence for rejection. So, spinning on his heels, he stalked over to the front door once more, ready to leave. With a deep breath, I went after him, taking quick steps forward. Reaching for his hand, I turned him slightly to face me, letting him know that I wanted him to be here, to be with me. Without a word of warning, I pressed my lips upon his, wrapping my arms tightly around his neck. He initially stiffened at this action, most likely not expecting it. Though, after a few seconds, he began to kiss me in return. Our tongues fought for control as the heat within our bodies began to rise. I felt him smile through our kiss, cupping my bottom in his hands as he pulled me upon him once more. I let out a whimper as he did this, arching my head back to give him unrestricted access to my neck. Gladly taking the invitation, his slick lips buried themselves upon the side of my neck, nibbling, biting, licking. The hardness of his body, the warmth of his skin, the taste of his lips – it was almost too much.

Momentarily looking into my eyes, Murphy merely observed me. "So I guess ye've made up yer mind." His voice was hoarse as he traced his lips upon my neck and the side of my face, butterfly kisses in its wake. He then placed his forehead upon mine, lightly kissing the tip of my nose.

"Aye." I cupped his face in the palm of my hands, kissing him lovingly once more. "I have."

Momentarily breaking contact with Murphy, I ardently tugged at his shirt. Pulling him towards the couch in hasty strides, I pushed him down upon it, never breaking our wanton stare. He held onto my arms as he slowly lied down; I eased my way atop him, straddling him sensually. Murphy let out a shaky breath, licking his lips in desire, as we felt the pleasing friction between our hips. Even through the barriers of our clothing, I could feel his growing need below me, along with my desperation to have him within me. Raking my nails upon his abdomen and chest, I quickly rid him of his shirt and proceeded to place butterfly kisses all over his torso. I saw him close his eyes in bliss, mumbling light curses as I continued my assault on his body.

Meanwhile, his hands roamed freely, wildly upon my body. As I continued to kiss upon his chest, I felt his fingers trace the valley between my breasts, down upon my stomach, and continued lower. As his hands disappeared underneath my panties, I let out a squeal in both surprise and pleasure. "Fuck, I want ye…I want ye so badly." I heard him say breathlessly as he began to insert his fingers within me. My only reply was a weak whimper, and then another, as he began his ministrations. My hips automatically began to move with his fingers, feeling the pleasing friction and the building tension within me. I cried out as he pushed further, deeper, slowing his pace as if to tease me. "Murphy…oh my God, Murphy…" I mumbled through clenched teeth, astounded that such a simple action could produce such pleasure. Now completely unable to concentrate on my own ministrations, I merely held onto his strong arms, leaning forward in order to capture his lips in mine. I continued to moan through our kiss, unable to control myself as the passion within me continued to grow. God, he was so good! Though, just when I was about to reach my peak, Murphy suddenly retrieved his fingers.

"Not yet."

The groan that I let out was that of unfulfilled pleasure and disappointment. Looking down to see that Murphy was smirking bemusedly at my disgruntlement, I squinted my eyes at him in mock annoyance. I whispered shakily, "Tease."

Murphy gripped the sides of my waist, bucking his hips a little higher. He whispered seductively, licking his lips, "Ye've seen nothin' yet."

That statement was enough to illicit shivers up and down my spine and drive me over the edge. Now unable to control my carnal, unbridled desire for him, I fumbled with his belt buckle in my hasty efforts to remove him of it, wanting nothing more than to instantly strip it off of him. Just as I had thrown it mindlessly upon the wooden floor, the sudden shrill of my telephone startled me. Following the extremely annoying sound, Murphy furrowed his brows as he plucked it out from underneath him. He gave me a sheepish look, then winced, as he handed it over to me. Flashing the phone a look of both curiosity and annoyance, I took it from his grasp, frowning as I turned it on. "Aye?" The tone of frustration was _more than_ evident in my voice.

"Lourdes, sorry to be callin' so late," Connor's voice sounded from the other line, somewhat lessening my annoyance, "Look, I'll let ye get back ta sleep in a second. It's a shot in the dark, but I just want ta know if ye knew where Murphy is? He's been gone for the day and hasn't been answerin' his fuckin' phone. He needs ta get back to our Ma's place…it's urgent."

"Um…" I fumbled with a reply, turning to Murphy for some aid. He merely threw me a smile, running his fingers languidly upon the sides of my arms. "Murphy? Oh…um…I don't…"

Connor let out a sigh of defeat. "Alright, well, if ye hear anythin' from him, please let 'im know that he needs ta get home…"

I closed my eyes as I croaked out, "He's right here."

"Oh, good." Connor let out an exhale of relief. After a brief pause, he said in a knowing, though mockingly suspicious tone, "_Oh_. He's _there_, huh?"

"Fuck off, Connor!" I hissed jokingly, thankful that he couldn't see my beet-red cheeks. Willingly handing Murphy the phone, I leaned back, allowing him to sit up comfortably.

Giving me a wanton kiss before he retrieved the telephone, he finally answered, "Aye, Con?" I couldn't hear what Connor was saying, but the bemused expression that seemed to have been permanently plastered on Murphy's face began to dissipate. His expression turned hard, cold even. I frowned at this, worriedly taking his hand in mine. "I'll be home soon." Was all Murphy could muster before he hung up. Placing the telephone upon the table, he finally managed to divert his attention to me as he began to place his clothes back on. He forced a smile, "Everything's fine," he piped up, as if reading my thoughts. "I'm really sorry, Lourdes, but I gotta go." He lovingly ran the back of his fingers upon my cheek. "I'll call ye tomorrow?"

"Of course." I stood, as he did, and walked him to the door. He gave me a look of regret and apology as he stepped out into the damp night. Savouring a last, lingering kiss, I silently watched as Murphy jogged to his car, drive off, and disappear from my sight.

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**A/N: I apologize if that was long -- there was just too much to write for this chapter! Did you all enjoy that? Again, I want to remind everyone that the rating will be M from here onwards. Hope you all find that okay! xx IFHD**


	12. The Return

**A/N: Alright, my lovely readers, exam period is approaching, so I will be incredibly busy for the next three weeks. However, I will try my best to work as often on this story as I can. I'd rather take my time on every chapter than just post pure crap, so I hope you'll understand. Also, I'm busy being a regular at McVeigh's in Toronto -- it is the pub where they filmed all the BDS McGuinty pub scenes:) It still looks exactly the same after all these years. For those of you who are in Toronto, the pub is located on 124 Church Street, so go check it out. They have live Irish music 6 nights a week! Plus, it's where BDS was filmed, so it's definitely worth it to check out! Also, the alleyway where they filmed the dropping toilet scene is just two blocks down from the pub, so check that out as well. **

**Anyway, thank you to ivyshortcake, christianlovesme, IrishSaints, Sith Happens, betty-boo, Nyah1 and Jade Opal for reviewing. I'm glad that the M rating doesn't discourage you all from reading. If you have any other suggestions, let me know! Enjoy! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 12: The Return**

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"_**Miracle"**_

_**By Paramore**_

_I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive  
So I'm gonna start over tonight, beginning with you and I  
When this memory fades  
I'm gonna make sure it's replaced  
With chances taken, hope embraced  
And have I told you..._

_I'm not going  
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
When it might save you_

_We've learned to run from anything uncomfortable  
We've tied our pain below  
And no one ever has to know  
That inside we're broken  
I tried to patch things up again  
So count my tears and kill these fears  
But have I told you? Have I?_

_I'm not going  
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
Cause it might save you_

_It's not faith if, if you use your eyes  
Oh, I will get it right this time (this time)  
Let's leave this all behind  
Oh, I will get it right this time  
It's not faith if you're using your eyes  
Oh, I..._

_I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive  
So I'm gonna start over tonight, beginning with you and I  
Don't want to run from anything uncomfortable  
I just want  
No, I just need this pain to end right here_

_I'm not going  
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
Cause it might save you  
Yeah, it might save you  
Oh, it might save you_

_It's not faith if  
If you use your eyes  
If you use your eyes  
If you use your eyes_

3 3 3

Slight clanking of spoons and forks upon dinner plates sounded in the background of random chatter, but I found myself not being able to pay any attention to what the MacManuses were speaking about. Instinctively, I could feel Murphy's eyes upon me, even though I didn't even look up to meet his gaze. Testing my instincts, my eyes inconspicuously fluttered to his form across from me. Surely enough, I instantly met his dark, though mirthful, gaze, a smile forming upon his lips in the process. I returned his smile with a mockingly chaste one, and then politely turned to Ma MacManus beside me as she began to describe a hilarious story about what had happened to her at the grocery store that afternoon.

It wasn't long before I found myself unable to concentrate once more. Making me raise my eyebrows in surprise, I suddenly felt Murphy's hand creeping up the side of my left leg, ensuing to massage my thigh. I almost choked on my food as he teased to go higher, moving his hand upwards in an excruciatingly slow manner. Letting out a cough at his audacity and also in warning, I quickly clamped my hand upon his underneath the table in order to stop his advance. Then, I quickly chugged my water in order to help me swallow the food that I was half-choking on. Nevertheless, it was only _somewhat_ effective. I momentarily flashed him a look of reprimand and shock. Seeing him from the corner of my eye, I saw him bite his bottom lip in order to keep from laughing out loud. Thank goodness that Connor and Ma were both oblivious with regards to what was happening! For a moment, I somewhat managed to tune in to what Mrs. MacManus was saying.

"…so the lady kept on jumpin', but her tits were weighin' 'er down, so she had ta…"

…And there he went _again_. He never stops, does he? As Murphy's hand escaped from my grasp, he now began to tease the hem of my shirt, his long fingers languidly grazing upon my lower back. I had to admit, it was pleasurable to say the least. He mindlessly drew circles upon the canvas of my skin, as though feeling the warmth that emanated from it. The ticklish sensation made me involuntarily shiver, which, unfortunately in my case, caught Connor's attention. Raising an eyebrow in question, he inquired, "Ye cold, Lourdes?" He motioned his head towards me as he took another bite of his food.

"N-no," I stuttered, trying to find my voice and speak normally as Murphy continued to tease me relentlessly. I managed to say in a lighter, more convincing tone, "I'm fine, Con, really."

Murphy cleared his throat as he shifted in his seat, gaining his brother's attention. "I think she's quite warm, actually."

I wouldn't have dared curse him outright right then and there, but the expression that I shot him made it perfectly clear that I did not appreciate his comment one bit! Thankfully, Connor and Ma didn't seem to have picked up on it, even agreeing that it was beginning to be stifling hot in the house. Momentarily saved from _that_ embarrassment, I realized that Murphy wasn't going to stop his ministrations, no matter what I did. Oh, what the hell? His touch _did_ feel nice, so why not revel in it? Thinking to give the cheeky man a taste of his own medicine, I lifted my foot a few inches from the ground and began to slide it teasingly upon his leg…

…or so I thought.

Caught in mid-bite, Connor loudly dropped his fork upon his plate, both eyebrows now raised in aghast bewilderment. Clearing his throat conspicuously, he respectively eyed the three of us suspiciously, commenting unbemusedly, "Alright, I _really_ hope that whoever's doin' that to me leg is Lourdes, because if it's the either one o' ye two, that's a bit more than creepy." He crossed his arms in front of him. "In fact, I believe that's illegal in this great country o' ours."

I automatically blanched at his statement, finding my leg still half-raised underneath the table, frozen stock still. With a myriad of excuses flying through my mind, I quickly managed to recover with, "Sorry, Con, just stretching my let out a little. I was asleep, is all. Didn't mean ta hit ya." _Make it more convincing, make it more convincing!_, squealed my conscience.

Connor didn't bite. Instead, a flirtatious smirk appeared on the side of his lips, pointing his spoon in my direction. With a shake of his head, he eyed his twin and mother. "Ye see, I _told_ the both 'o ye that she's always had the hots for me." Eyes landing back upon me, he continued, "Even after all these years, eh, Lourdes? Just can't keep meself off yer mind?"

My mouth dropped so low in utter embarrassment that I thought that I was going to make a giant hole through the wooden table. Finding myself without a voice in the midst of the chorus of MacManus laughter, I childishly resorted to physical violence. Damn that Connor. I'll show him! Kicking my leg out in full retribution, I gave Connor a good, strong kick…

…or so I thought.

"Ow!" Murphy cried more in surprise than in pain, though his hand immediately fell to his hurting knee. He flashed me an incredulous look. "What'd ya do that for?"

Jesus Christ, today wasn't my day, was it?

The laughter boomed even louder at this, and my face immediately grew beet-red. After a few moments, though, I found myself laughing with them, covering my face in the process in the midst of my embarrassment. As we all regained our former composures, I quickly finished my meal and was the first to stand. "I'm gonna go make up for that footsie thing," I declared with a shake of the head, taking the empty plates and glasses into my hand. "I'll be right back."

Finding myself still slightly giggling at what had just transpired, I made my way over to the kitchen sink and proceeded to dump all of the dirty dishes into the basin. As I began to wash my hands, I suddenly felt strong hands slink around my waist, holding me tightly. I let out a light gasp, not at all expecting this.

"Didn't know ye were still into Connor."

I caught the mocking tone in Murphy's voice as he pulled me even closer to him, resting his chin upon the crook of my neck. I twisted my head to face him, giving his nose a quick peck. Shaking my head, I stated, "Silly boy. I was goin' for ye, and ye know it."

"That's good ta know, cause if you weren't, then I think we'd have a big problem."

"Ooh." I replied jokingly, fully turning to face him as I raised my eyebrows in challenge. "I see that we're getting protective now, aren't we?"

Resting his arms upon the kitchen counter on either side of my waist, he took a step forward, pinning me there. Grazing his lips teasingly upon the side of my neck, he whispered seductively, "Of course I am, darlin'. I only want ye for me. Ye should know that."

Tugging upon his t-shirt, I replied, "I don't think you'll have a problem with that, Murphy MacManus." Enveloping his lips in mine, I was finally able to act upon the feelings that he had stirred within me just a few moments earlier. It had taken so much self control to not just _pounce_ on him at the dinner table – and rightly, it was utter torture! Wrapping my arms around his neck, I pulled him hard upon me, our bodies roughly colliding. He let out a pleased groan at my exhibition of wantonness, my raw desire for him. Lithely lifting me up, he placed me upon the marble counter, pressing half of my back upon the cupboards. Fully leaning forward, he hungrily re-captured my lips in his, resting his hands upon my waist as my legs automatically wrapped around his hard hips and thighs. I was becoming lost as every second passed by, a primal instinct quickly taking over my will-power. His lowered voice momentarily caught my attention:

"How about we finish what we started?"

My eyes flickered open as I heard his lustful invitation. I could hear his loud, shallow breaths as I continued to press myself upon him, bringing his body even closer to mine. "God, yes." I shakily breathed out, raking my fingers through his hair. I let out a squeal as his hand suddenly crept underneath my shirt, cupping my breast into his large palms. I managed to somehow control the moan forming upon my lips, pressing my hips harder upon his. I felt his other hand roam upon my legs, slowly massaging my inner thigh. My breaths became even shallower as he continued his ministrations. God, I wanted him to continue…

I impatiently tugged at his shirt, stripping it off of him in an instant and flinging the fabric mindlessly upon the ground. I brought him even closer to me, kissing his broad chest, savouring his taste upon my slick lips. He let out a throaty groan in response, cupping my bottom with his hands as he wantonly ground his hips upon mine. Even the friction between our clothing was almost too much. "Fuck, how do ye do this to me…" he questioned breathlessly, lips tracing my ear. I was too entranced by his being that I couldn't even orally respond to this. Instead, I loosened his belt, haphazardly pulling at it. When it was somewhat loose, my hand disappeared beneath his trousers, eliciting a sharp hiss from him. I began to stroke him – every inch of him – feeling his throbbing desire as it began to grow by the second. He continuously let out incomprehensible curses, hands resting, immobile, upon my waist. After a few moments, I could sense that he was reaching his peak as he closed his eyes and began to bite his bottom lip. Pressing my cheek upon his, I suddenly released him, to his dismay, and retrieved my hand.

"You're not gonna get it _that_ easily, MacManus," I teasingly whispered into his ear, wallowing in my triumph for finally giving the cheeky man a taste of his own medicine.

He let out a short chuckle as his eyes fluttered open, meeting my gaze. "Now I know that I'm not the only tease 'round 'ere."

I lightly kissed the tip of his nose. "Now you know how it feels."

"Oh dear God!"

My spine automatically straightened. Immediately loosening our hold on each other at the sound of Connor's bewildered outburst, our heads snapped up to the sight of him and Ma at the entrance of the kitchen.

My Lord, is today officially 'Humiliate Lourdes' day? If not, it should really be decreed so.

I closed my eyes momentarily, as if wishing that this was all just an embarrassing dream. When my eyes fluttered open once more, surely enough, they were still standing stock still at the entrance. As Connor rested his hand upon his forehead, shaking his head, Ma purposely strode right to Murphy's side, overtly displeased at our exhibition. Without warning, she took his ear and pinched it in between her thumb and index finger. Disregarding his half-naked form, she quickly pulled him away from me, clucking her tongue disapprovingly.

"Ow…ow, Ma!" Murphy winced as he gathered his discarded shirt and attempted to buckle his belt. He repeatedly hopped on one foot as his mother continued to tug upon his ear. When he finally managed to escape her fingers' vicegrip, he furrowed his brows in question as he clothed himself once more. "Ma, what are ye _doin'_?"

"Now ye leave the girl alone, ye hear?" She wagged her index finger warningly at him, her lips now pressed firmly into a thin, serious line. Lightly slapping Murphy upon his bare shoulder, she chided, "She's already with a bloke, ye hear? I don't want ye to be all mangled up in this business of…"

I finally understood where Ma was coming from. _Of course_ she knew about Ciaran! I believe I have my mother to thank for that. Thank you, mother, for making my personal love life public!

Knowing that I needed to clear up this misunderstanding and subsequently make up for my embarrassment, I quickly walked to their sides. "'Tis alright, Mrs. MacManus, really!" I took her hand in mine, hoping to give her some form of reassurance. "Things are different now. I'm not with Ciaran anymore."

At this point, my eyes slid to Murphy, who finished proudly, "We're together now, Ma." He beamed at this, slugging an arm around his mother as he threw his twin a smirk, "No need ta worry 'bout anythin'."

"What?" Mrs. MacManus pointed at the two of us alternately. She eyed her son. "Ye," she said slowly, then turned her gaze upon me, "and ye," letting out a long exhale, she finished in a mere whisper, "…together?"

I giggled at her comical expression, giving her a nonchalant shrug. "What can I say, Mrs. MacManus? I couldn't help myself."

Connor uncrossed his arms as he walked over to Murphy's side. Ruffling his hair with a smile, he said jokingly, "Ye two make me sick."

Ma MacManus shot me a playful smirk. "Ye know, I always thought that ye'd end up with one o' me boys. Everyone knew back then that ye were into Connor," A slight blush appeared upon my cheeks, but Ma relentlessly continued, "but I knew that ye'd somehow end up with the other MacManus twin." She let out a laugh as she confessed, "Yer Ma and I even had a wager about it, let me tell ye. Can't wait ta tell her that she's finally lost after ten years! The look on her face will be _priceless_!"

"See, even Ma knew that I'd get the girl in the end." A triumphant smirk appeared on Murphy's lips. Playfully nudging Connor, he declared, "Now we know who the good-lookin' twin is."

"Why ye little…"

Before the brothers could begin to get into a full-out rumble, the soft chime of the doorbell sounded and caught our attentions. As the four of us looked towards the door simultaneously, we all shot each other curious glances, realizing that it was pretty late to be receiving uninvited visitors.

"I'll get it." Murphy volunteered, giving Connor a playful tap on the cheek before he strode to the doorway. Cautiously looking through the peephole, I observed his back tense. Twisting his head to face us as he stood straight once more, I could see that his expression had completely changed into utter shock. Slightly worried, I took a few steps forward, watching him eagerly as he moved back a few paces to open the door. With a slight creak, what it revealed was a tall, white-bearded Irishman, clad in a long, black trench coat and a black hat. His piercing blue eyes landed on Murphy, then me, then to Connor and finally rested on Ma.

Connor took a few steps forward, face now identical to Murphy's. He uttered a single word:

"Da?"

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**A/N: Dun dun dunnnn! Da is back! What could he possibly want? And how will his return affect Lourdes and the MacManus family? Till next time! xx IFHD**


	13. Suspicions

**A/N: Hey everyone! I managed to write a quick one when my mind was totally run down from studying. Thank you to betty-boo, IrishSaints, Sith Happens, ivyshortcake, Jade Opal, Nyah1 and BelhavenOnTap for reviewing and thank you for reading! Cheers to those who saved this story and saved me as a fave author as well. I really appreciate all of your support. I will be doing my best to work on the rest of this story. I'm glad that everyone's still enjoying this -- trust me, there is SO much more to come! Let's see if some of your predictions are right, shall we? xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 13: Suspicions**

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"_**Both Ways"**_

_**By: Quietdrive**_

_Be honest with me  
Did you ever think  
That these things that you did  
Would come back to haunt you  
And fail you again  
Don't ever question  
My will to admit  
That when we're alone  
It's too hard to resist  
Making believe  
That we're bigger than this  
For choosing a road  
That is different but similar  
To the same one I took before_

_Why don't we breathe  
Why can't you see  
That things aren't always  
What they appear to be  
And as simple as it sounds  
I think I've found  
The perfect way to grow old_

_The simpleness describes  
The iron that is you  
And your rusty old life  
Get on with the mattress  
And tell-tale lies  
Watch everything  
That you touch turns to ice  
Following the sheep  
And they're at it again  
Making believe  
That there're free as it seems  
But only finding out that  
They're on a sinking ship  
That doesn't care  
How many it saves today_

_Watch out now  
I see the light  
At the end of the tunnel  
It seems realistic  
That getting there will make us fine  
But watch out now  
It's full of glass  
Don't take the chance  
You'll surely pass  
At least some day  
We'll know the reason  
Why_

_The perfect way  
The perfect way_

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Thick, almost unbearable, tension cloaked the MacManus living room, attempting to smother us to death. Ma, Connor and the twins' father sat upon the couch directly across from me in utter silence, barely looking at one another as the discomfort in the atmosphere refused to subside. As I sat beside Murphy, I took his hand in mine for either comfort or reassurance for the both of us; more importantly, for some explanation as to what his father was doing back in Dublin after all this time. How _dare_ he show his face here again after abandoning his family without a thought, without even so much as an explanation? He had been absent from their lives for years, from what I know. Suddenly, he randomly shows up upon their doorstep. What did he want?

My eyes then slid to where Mrs. MacManus was sitting, observing her reaction to this heart-wrenching turn of events. Her face remained calm and collected, though I could not miss the anger raging in her eyes and the confusion that burned there. First to break the uncomfortable silence within the room, she declared in a surprisingly controlled tone, "I should bloody shoot ye for not showin' up after all of these years!" Her eyes finally landed upon her estranged husband, gaze not faltering even though his did not meet hers. "Ye broke yer fuckin' promise! Not only ta me, but to yer boys!"

Mr. MacManus lifted his head in a laggardly manner to face his wife. His expression was hard to decipher, though it emanated signs of regret and sincere apology. "I couldn't do much about showin' up 'ere, Annabelle, seein' as I was stuck in a prison cell."

Mr. MacManus, in prison? Is that why he had disappeared in the first place? Was he just in jail?

My discomfort now rose, completely feeling as though I shouldn't be present amidst all of this. This was for the MacManus family to resolve, and they should maintain their privacy. Giving Murphy's hand a squeeze, I cleared my throat, standing unsteadily upon weak knees. Murphy was the first to look at me in question, and, after a few moments, I received all of the other MacManuses' attention. "I should go, it's getting late." I said simply, my gaze falling upon Murphy once more. He had stood as well, resting a hand upon the side of my waist. Before he could speak, though, I saw Mr. MacManus stand in front of me from the corner of my eye, somewhat making me feel uneasy. His presence screamed of such authority, such strength, that his simple stare would make anyone tuck their tail in between their legs and dash of running for their lives.

At that particular moment, that didn't seem to be such a bad idea.

"Ye." He began in a surprisingly light tone, nodding his head towards me. He tilted his head to the side, eyebrow raising in recognition. "Yer Ernie Villamor's daughter, aren't ye? The lass who lives just a few minutes from 'ere on McFarland Street?"

I was astonished by this question – or statement, rather. Murphy and Connor didn't recognize me at first sight, but he could? Slowly able to meet his gaze, I managed to give him a slow nod of confirmation, the perplexed expression still imprinted upon my face. I croaked out, "Aye, sir, it's me, Lourdes."

He took a large stride to stand before me, but I somehow managed to stand my ground. In the same tone, he questioned with furrowed brows and a suspicious glance, "What do ye know about Ciaran O'Malley?"

I furrowed my brows in return, first turning to Murphy for any aid, and then back to his father. Murphy cleared his throat, tugging at my hand as he promptly led me towards the door. He seemed to be simultaneously frustrated and panicking, his curious behaviour somewhat erratic. He stated dismissively without turning back, "It ain't important, Da. We'll talk later."

What did Mr. MacManus know about Ciaran? _How_ could he know who Ciaran was in the first place?

As we reached the front door, though, Mr. MacManus' voice stopped us dead in our tracks. "Murphy, m'boy, she's gotta know sooner or later. It's for her own good."

"What?" My eyes squinted in question, swirling to face Mr. MacManus in incredulity. When I received no answer, I turned my attention back to Murphy. His eyes quickly fell to the ground, completely evading my inquiring stare. He wouldn't look at me. Without responding, Murphy pulled me out of the house, half-dragging me unceremoniously towards his car. Now utterly confused by what had just transpired and how Murphy was acting, I sharply retrieved my arm from his grasp, looking at him with squinted eyes. I questioned firmly, "What is he talking about, Murphy? What do I have to know for my own good?"

Murphy refused to turn and face me upon my inquiries. So, I walked in front of him, placed my fingers gently upon his chin and tilted his head upwards so that his orbs would finally meet my own. I asked more gently, "What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothin'." He responded in the same, evasive tone. Opening the door for me, he beckoned his head for me to get in, keeping his sapphire eyes fixated upon the gravel ground. Through tight lips, he stated, "I'll take ye home."

I refused to budge from my position. Sternly crossing my eyes, I stiffened my jaw as I demanded, "Tell me what's going on, Murphy. You know I'm not going to give up until I know exactly what you're hiding from me. Your Da said that I had to know sooner or later." I briefly paused before I emphasized once more, "What do I have to know, Murph?"

"Fuck!" In an outburst of anger, he kicked the side of his car, making me jump in surprise. Placing his arms upon the hood, he buried his face within them in an exhibition of his strong, uncontrollable emotions. I was now more than startled and worried, especially since I still had no idea what was happening and what was going on in his head. As I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, he immediately recoiled, shrugging me off as he walked towards the driver's seat in silence. My heart lurched at this display, feeling as though he purposely dismissed me without a second thought. Pulling my coat more tightly around me, I made the choice to enter the car with him only because I was worried about his well-being. We said nothing to one another as he started the car.

As we began to drive away in eerie silence, I began to put together the pieces of the confusing puzzle in my head. Suddenly, it dawned on me. Everything that was happening right now, and the way that Murphy had been acting lately…it _has_ to have something to do with the incident at Bunker Hill. So, mustering up all of my courage, I declared, "I heard what you and Connor were saying about that night at the bluffs." Murphy immediately tensed at this, gripping the wheel more tightly in between his palms. "You were the target of that hit?"

"Ye don't know what yer talkin' about."

I was beginning to lose my patience. Did he think that I had that thick of a skull that he could just keep denying everything and make it seem as though he wasn't hiding anything from me? Did he really think that I haven't had my suspicions from the night I thought we were going to meet our maker? In a little short of a bark, I snarled, "Pull over here. I'm getting out."

"No, I'm gonna take ye…"

"Pull over, Murphy." I commanded more sternly, my eyes blazing upon his form. I tried to retain my composure. "I'll walk home, thank you."

This time, he just blatantly ignored me.

The last of my patience had now ebbed away. Taking the steering wheel when no other vehicles were in sight, I turned it abruptly to the right so that the car would fall onto the gravel pathway on the side of the road. Startled by this, Murphy stepped hard on the brakes, slightly jerking us forward. Before he could recover and drive off once more, I immediately unbuckled my seatbelt, shoved the car door open, and then nudged it closed. Crossing my arms in front of me, I began to walk aimlessly away, blinded by annoyance, confusion and hurt.

Murphy hastily followed me. Jogging from the car, he managed to take my arm and roughly swirl me around to face him after only a few seconds. The expression on his face told me that he himself had lost all of his patience, for his jaw was stiff and his usually mirthful eyes were ablaze with utter anger. "I tried to protect ye, but ye know what? Fuck it!" Trying to control his rising emotions, he barked, "Alright, ye wanna know the fuckin' truth? I'll fuckin' tell ye!"

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**A/N: Holds breath Uh oh. What is Murphy going to reveal? And how will Lourdes react? Till next time, my lovely readers! I hope you enjoyed this one. xx IFHD**


	14. Revelations

**A/N: First of all, thank you SO much for your patience! I'm done exams and have a little more time to work on this story. (I know you're all VERY happy about that!) I have to admit, though, that the delay was not only because of exams and work - I've been having a bit of writer's block with regards to this story. There are just so many plot lines that I could follow because I have so many ideas for this story and I had trouble making up my mind where to take you all next. So please, if you have ANY suggestions, comments or preferences as to what you want to happen, share them! Without giving anything away, I guess what I CAN do is let my confusion speak through my character Lourdes. P Are you all curious now and wanting more?**

**Thanks to all those that reviewed and read this story. Sorry for leaving you on edge for so long! I guess the cliffhanger came at the right time? And BelhavenOnTap, glad you liked the songs that have inspired and continue to inspire this story. I ****love all of your support. Keep it up! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 14: Revelations**

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_**"It's Not Over"**_

_**By Chris Daughtry**_

_I was blown away_

_What could I say_

_It all seemed to make sense_

_You're taking away everything_

_And I can't do without_

_I try to see the good in life_

_The good things in life are hard to find_

_We're blowing away, blowing away_

_Can we make this something good?_

_Well I'll try to do to it right this time around_

_It's not over_

_Try to do it right this time around_

_It's not over_

_But a part of me is dead and in the ground_

_This love is killing me_

_But you're the only one_

_It's not over_

_I've taken all I can take_

_And I cannot wait_

_We're wasting too much time_

_Being strong, holding on_

_Can't let it bring us down_

_My life with you means everything_

_So I won't give up that easily_

_Blowing away blowing away_

_Can make this something good?_

_Cause it's all misunderstood._

_You can't let this get away_

_Let it out, let it out_

_Don't get caught up in yourself_

_Let it out_

_Let's start over_

_We'll try to do to it right this time around_

_It's not over_

_But a part of me is dead and in the ground_

_This love is killing me_

_But you're the only one_

_It's not over._

_Let's start over_

_It's not over_

_This love is killing me_

_But you're the only one_

_It's not over_

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The cloak of silence hung thickly around us as Murphy and I sat in my living room. The tension between us mirrored that of the tension in the MacManus household just an hour prior. Although this time, the discomfort was placed more so on Murphy as I patiently waited to hear what he had to tell me – what the truth was. I nervously wrung my hands in front of me, preparing for the worst, and yet clinging to a grain of hope that the situation would not be grave. I didn't want to push him, for it was obvious that whatever this 'truth' was, it wasn't something that he was readily prepared to admit. By the way that he was going about the situation, it seemed as though Murphy thought that he would never _need_ to admit it in the first place.

Finally finding his voice after minutes of silence, Murphy let out a long exhale. Clenching his fists together, he rested his elbows upon his knees as he began, "Ciaran isn't the man ye think he is, Lourdes." I could see his inner struggle to continue, but it was apparent that he was more concerned about where this was going and how exactly to say it. "He's part of an Irish mob, based here in Dublin. All of those nights you think he's on business trip for some company here and abroad, he's actually in Boston, New York, and in other cities taking care of his mob shit over there."

My firm reaction surprised both Murphy and me. I let out a dismissive scoff, shaking my head in complete disbelief. "You're wrong, Murphy. This isn't Ciaran." I replied calmly, having strong beliefs that I knew who Ciaran was – that I know who my own ex-boyfriend _is_! Pointing a stern finger at him, I declared, "I don't know where you're possibly getting this from, Murph, but you're certainly not…"

"Ye asked for the truth, and now ye got it." He interjected with a shrug, impatience lining his tone. "What else do ye want me ta fuckin' say, Lourdes? That he's a fuckin' angel, runnin' 'round Dublin doin' good deeds for the needy and sick?" He abruptly stood, hands clenched to his sides as he shook his head with a scoff. "Tell me this. Where was he January of last year? Hmm?"

Furrowing my brows in confusion, I sifted through my vague memories, attempting to pinpoint exactly the time in question. Finally remembering after a few moments, I blurted out exasperatedly, "I don't know, out of the country on business! But how did you know that he…"

"He was busy with his mob dealings in Boston, where Connor and I had the _pleasure_ of first meeting him." Murphy replied curtly, the stiff expression on his face not subsiding. When I failed to respond, he shook his head in utter frustration. "Open yer eyes, Lourdes! Ye spent all this time believing in a man that had never changed in the first place." He then turned his back on me, awkwardly fumbling for a cigarette and lighter from his coat pocket. "Con and I didn't come here just to see our Ma." He lit the semi-crushed cigarette in between his fingers, taking a long, nervous drag. "We came here for Ciaran, too."

It was my turn to stand as I tried to understand what he was actually saying. _Please, God, let it not be what I think it is._ I gulped and cautiously inquired, "What do you _mean_ you 'came here' for Ciaran?"

I saw him look towards the heavens as if asking for divine help; or divine intervention, perhaps. He shut his eyes lightly, as though preparing himself for my reaction, and stated, "Con and I are going to kill him, Lourdes. That's our mission."

I immediately clamped my mouth with the palm of my hand, head repeatedly shaking in shock. I fell towards the couch, using an arm to keep me steady. Who was this man before me? _What_ was this man before me? Blinking through misty eyes, I suddenly felt fear and panic coursing through my veins. He shouldn't be here. He_can't_ be here!

"There's more, Lourdes." Murphy swirled to face me now, his face full of regret and pained anger. By my expression, he knew that I was slowly slipping away. Trying to somewhat alleviate the situation, he admitted, "I wanted ta tell ye this sooner, but I just…I couldn't find the courage ta. Ye gotta understand that I wanted to protect ye and that I didn't want ta lose ye. It's not something people can accept or even understand easily…"

"There's more? What more can there be, Murphy?"

He let out a long exhale, burning out his cigarette upon the ashtray on the coffee table. "Con and I are the Saints of South Boston. We kill all that which is evil so that the good may flourish. Da is our guide, and with him, we are the Trinity. We take out all the pimps, drug dealers and mafiosos, from the lower echelons to the very top. This is our job, our calling." I immediately recoiled as he tried to envelop my hands in his. Murphy winced at my reaction, though persisted, "We keep Boston's streets safe, Lourdes, ye gotta know that. We've dealt with Ciaran and his cronies before, and now that he knows that we're here, that we know ye, then…"

I couldn't listen to any of this anymore. I just couldn't! Tears were now freely cascading from my blurry eyes. This wasn't Murphy. This _couldn't_ be Murphy. And Ciaran, some mafioso? This was all a joke, a nightmare. It just _couldn't__be_. I didn't know how I managed it, but I eventually found my voice through the shock, barely able to wheeze, "I can't…I don't know how to…"

Murphy tightly shut his eyes, falling to the chair behind him. Mussing up his hair and running his hands down his face, he said quietly, "I needed ta know more about Ciaran, ta find out more about him…"

Out of everything that Murphy had admitted tonight, _that_ I completely understood. He had made himself perfectly clear on that one. Regaining some form of composure, I declared with a stiffened jaw, "So you used me. You thought you could get to Ciaran through me."

"Lourdes, things have changed, alright?" The pained expression on Murphy's countenance didn't subside. "I only did what I did ta…"

"Get the fuck out of my house, Murphy!" I screamed with unbridled anger, my emotions now taking over. Tears haphazardly descended down my face, anger and anguish enveloping me in a choke hold. All of this about Ciaran, the MacManuses, and Murphy…all at once! I felt sick, faint, as though my chest had been ripped open and my heart taken out.

Was everything that I had believed in just a lie?

"Ye don't understand." Murphy took a few purposeful strides to my side, hands clutching the sides of my arms. "I don't expect ya ta understand. At least not yet."

"Get your fucking hands off me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, pushing at his chest with all of my might. I felt so dirty; so cheap. Yet he continued to hold me firmly, face stiff as stone, unflinching at my attacks. I continued to struggle with him, trying to pry myself away from his unyielding grasp. When I found that I couldn't, I lifted my arm and slapped him square on the cheek. As he hissed through clenched teeth, I yelled without restraint, "You fucking used me, made me think that you had feelings for me! You're a fucking killer! You're no fucking saint!"

Murphy immediately released me, stung by my words more than by the slap that I had dealt him. His breaths were shallow as he gulped, taking a long step back from my form. I could see in his expression that this was exactly what he was afraid of, what he knew would happen, and what he had desperately tried to prevent. In a quiet voice, he proclaimed, "This is who I am, and this is who we are. Think whatever ye want about me," he made sure to meet my eyes as he declared, "but don't think for a fuckin' second that I felt nothing for ye - that I feel nothin' for ye!" Turning on his heel, he heedlessly stalked his way over to the front door. "Ye have the truth now, Lourdes. Ye know everything. It's up ta ye ta decide what ye wanna do. Whatever ye choose, I'm not gonna stop ye."

My strength completely waned, my will power drained to the last drop. I fell to my knees, my entire body trembling as I wept. Murphy's back tensed at my shaken state, fighting with himself whether to leave or comfort me. Twisting his head to face me, I saw that his orbs had become misty. He sharply turned, disregarding all of his previous reservations. Striding to my side, he fell upon his knees as well. Cupping my face in his hands, he began to continuously kiss my lips, cheeks, and forehead. "I'm so fucking sorry, Lourdes, I'm so sorry." He repeated, placing a lingering kiss upon my lips. "Please stop cryin'."

I only continued to shed tears, having no energy left to fight him. Uncontrollable sobs continued to wrack my body as I placed my hands upon the floor for support. I felt so cold even though his warm body was closely pressed upon mine. I felt myself simultaneously reaching for and recoiling from him. This was Murphy, but it wasn't. How can I even begin to comprehend, to _accept_ what he has done? What he plans on doing? What he will continue to do?

"I love ye."

My breath was now completely stolen from my lungs. All of these revelations at once were enough to elicit cardiac arrest. I blinked through my tears, trying to register what Murphy had most recently admitted.

Though, it wasn't I who pulled away this time.

Pale and wide-eyed, Murphy suddenly released me, standing as though my skin had just burnt him. His chest heaved up and down in a maniacal state as though it was going to burst from so much pressure. "I gotta go." He frantically mumbled more to himself than to me. "I'm sorry."

Without another word and without looking back, he stood, retrieved all of his belongings, and bolted out of my house.

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**A/N: Jaysus, imagine if you were in Lourdes' position! How would you all feel? You all know you want more. :D xx IFHD**


	15. A Saint’s Sacrifice

**A/N: (Fast update, I know you're happy about that!) I simply love all of your reviews! It seems like everyone would've acted the way Lourdes did. Thank you for your comments and suggestions - they're really helping with making my mind up about the upcoming plot lines! I really hope nobody will be disappointed or angry about what I do next. It'll all play out in the end, **_**trust**_** me. :D Thanks to ivyshortcake, Sith Happens, christianlovesme, betty-boo, BelhavenOnTap, IrishSaints, Jade Opal and Nyah1 for your reviews! Have a lovely read. There's **_**so**_** much more to come, so I hope you enjoy this next installment! **

**xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 15: A Saint's Sacrifice**

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"_**I'd Hate To Be You When People Find Out What This Song Is About"**_

_**By: Mayday Parade**_

_And we both go down together  
We'd stay there forever  
Just try to get up  
And I'm sorry this wasn't easy when I asked you  
Believe me  
And never let go_

_Well, I'm thinking of the worst things  
That I could say to you  
But a promise doesn't mean a thing anymore_

_And this never will be right with me  
And now you're trying to desperately  
But I'm tongue-tied and terrified of what I'll say_

_And then we both go down together  
We may stay there forever  
I'll just try to get up  
And I'm sorry that this wasn't easy when I asked you  
Believe me  
You never let go  
But I let go_

_I could only sing you sad songs  
And you could sing along  
And you could see the melody  
That's been calling out your wrongs_

_And this never will be right with me  
And now you're trying to desperately  
But I'm tongue-tied and terrified of what I'll say  
But I never told you everything  
I'm losing hope and fading dreams  
And every single memory along the way_

_And then we both go down together  
We may stay there forever  
I'll just try to get up  
And I'm sorry that this wasn't easy when I asked you  
Believe me  
You never let go  
But I let go_

_And we both go down together  
And stay there forever  
Just try to get up_

_And then we both go down together  
We may stay there forever  
I'll just try to get up  
And I'm sorry that this wasn't easy when I asked you  
Believe me  
You never let go  
But I let go_

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_"I love ye."_

After the bombardment of confessionals that Murphy had thrown my direction a week prior, those three words would resonate within my memory the most. Though, the fact that in the beginning he had only used me to get Ciaran was not far from my mind. When did the lie end and the truth begin? When did he finally realize that he had real feelings for me? Or, I thought wryly to myself, he could also be lying about _that_ in order to 'save my feelings'.

How could I ever trust him now?

I still could not accept the fact that he had taken lives and will continue to do so. Purging the world of all those who do evil by means upon that which the latter uses seems hypocritical. How could the MacManus family justify their actions by attributing them to divine judgment? Did they not see the blood permanently stained upon their hands?

Brick by brick, so many things that I believed in crumbled into ruins last week. I felt more than confusion now; now, I felt fear more than anything else. When I began to question what I exactly felt about Murphy, I found that my emotions were convoluted, indefinable. How could I even _begin_ to understand how I felt when I didn't even know who Murphy _was_ anymore?

"Honey, is there something wrong?"

My eyes flickered upwards to the sound of my mother's voice, calling me back to reality. Across the dinner table, she flashed me a simultaneously worried and questioning look, taking a sip of the wine that she loosely held between her fingers. Beside her, my father halted his raucous speech, sending me a similar look. Now, the entire table was silent – my two cousins on either side of me, their spouses and three children._Lourdes, don't ruin this family gathering!_, my conscience barked, forcing me to plaster an awkward grin upon my countenance. "Oh, nothing is wrong, Ma." I cleared my throat, placing my napkin upon my empty plate. "I just felt tired all of a sudden."

"Lou, don't tell me yer gonna go off ta bed already!" My cousin Jerome, only a few years younger than me at 24, chided. "We've already just started our reunion! It's only eight o'clock. Lots more drinkin' ta do, ya know!"

The agreeing chuckles that his comment managed to elicit around the table somewhat succeeded in lightening my mood. Though, just as I decided to push heavy thoughts about the MacManuses from my mind, the doorbell suddenly rang, catching all of our attentions. Seeing this as the perfect time to escape, I instantly offered to answer the door, haphazardly jumping from my seat and sending the wooden chair crashing upon the tiled floor. Receiving numerous looks for my clumsy behaviour, I shrugged it off with a dismissive wave and made my way over to the front doorway. For some reason, I began to feel rampant nervousness as I began to turn the knob and pull the door open. Taking in a deep breath, I finally managed to look up to see who was before me.

"I know I'm one of the people who ye'd rather not see right now," Connor quickly began, stepping a little into the doorway to prop the door open with his foot in case I tried to slam it in his face, "but just hear me out…"

"What the fuck are you doing here?" I hissed through clenched teeth, crossing the threshold onto the porch and slightly closing the door behind me. "Look, you've caught me at a bad time. I have family over, and I can't…"

"Ye've been ignoring our calls – even me Ma's – and visits for a week now," He reminded me sternly as some of his patience visibly ebbed away, "when all we're trying ta do is help ye and yer family. Ye don't know everything, so don't jump to fuckin' conclusions, Lourdes." Connor placed his hands on my shoulders, somewhat squeezing them in order to get his point across. "Tellin' ye everythin' took a lot from me brother, so the least ye could do is try ta understand where he's…"

I rudely shook his hands from my form as I snapped, "I'm _trying_ to understand everything, Connor. Believe me, I am! But this – all of it – is not just something that someone can accept so easily. I think about the consequences of what you're doing, what in God's name possessed you three to do what you do…and I still can't find an explanation." My head slightly drooped in defeat, the palm of my hand catching my forehead as frustration took its course. I snapped irritably, "What am I supposed to _think_, Connor? That you and Murphy are the same people that I used to know?"

Connor frowned at this point, forehead crinkling in concern as his brows furrowed. With a long exhale, he placed his palm upon the side of my cheek, attempting to catch my gaze. When he finally did, he began, "It'll take longer than a week ta know and ta understand what this is all about," his voice had grown delicate now, alleviating some of the tension between us, "But ye can't just shut us out, Lourdes. Ye can't shut out the people who are trying ta help ye, ta protect ye." He retrieved his arm, placing his hands in his coat pockets with a sigh. "All Murphy has ever done was try and protect ye; even if it took protecting ye from the truth, he only did it because he didn't want ye to be like...like this." Connor leaned his head forward, bending his neck slightly so that he was now nose to nose with me. "Do ye love me brother?"

"W-what?" I stuttered nervously, completely unprepared for his inquiry.

"Do ye?"

When I still could not respond after a few moments, Connor, muttering a 'fuckin' 'ell' in the process, turned on his heel with a slight grunt. In distress, I hurriedly followed him in order to see what he was going to do. As I observed him stalk towards his car in disgruntlement, it was then that I spotted Murphy sitting in the passenger's seat. I halted, stalk still, in my tracks, somewhat leaning upon the side of my house in order to stay out of Murphy's sight. My heart pounded maniacally as my breaths became shallow, and I didn't know whether to run to him or to turn and flee back into my house.

What piqued my curiosity, though, was what transpired after Connor had hopped into the driver's seat. As he slammed the door closed, I heard nothing of their heated conversation, but it was blatantly obvious that they were arguing with one another. Murphy had been the first to give Connor an earful, spewing a barrage of wrathful words just as his twin had stepped into the car. By this time, Connor had started the engine, but curiously didn't drive off. Now, he, too, was reciprocating his brother's angered words, gesturing to my home with his hands and a beckon of his head. Murphy squinted in frustration, pushing Connor furiously upon the chest. With a stiffened jaw, Connor retaliated, slapping Murphy upside the head and pointing towards my home once more. When Connor began to continuously push Murphy from the car, he finally seceded, holding up his hands in surrender as he stepped out of the vehicle. Though, just as Murphy had closed the door, the engine instantly roared and Connor began to drive off, the tires screeching in its wake. I heard Murphy loudly curse, attempting to kick the reversing vehicle. Connor only began to drive more quickly, slamming on the pedal with full force and disappearing into the distance.

"Fuckin' Christ!" Murphy vehemently spat, more audibly now, as he ruffled his hair. Observing my home through squinted eyes, he seemed to be fighting with himself, deciding whether to stay or simply walk away. Making his decision after a few moments, he irritably kicked the dirt beneath his feet and began to head for the sidewalk, hands in his pockets.

What in the world possessed me to act the way I did, I won't ever know. Taking a few steps forward, I quietly croaked out, "Murphy?"

His back immediately tensed at the sound of my voice, obviously startled by my unexpected appearance. Slowly twisting his head back to face me, his countenance turned hard, jaw tightening as he waited for me to speak once more. With every ounce of courage within me, I staggered to his side, having much trouble steadying my shaking knees. Regardless of my shock and anger, I wanted so much to reach out to him, to ask questions, and to scream my thousand doubts and fears. All I managed to do in the end was look at him.

"I wasn't plannin' on comin' 'ere." He admitted, almost coldly, as he motioned his head to where Connor's car had been just a few moments prior. "Con said we were goin' ta the bar, so…"Somewhat stung by his admittance, the reaction which he had probably wanted to elicit in the first place, I retorted in the same, callous manner, "I wasn't planning on seeing you, or your family, either. What's your point?"

As I turned on my heels and began to walk towards my porch, I heard Murphy scoff behind me. "Fuckin' Connor. I knew this was pointless." From the corner of my eye, I observed him turn and head towards the sidewalk once more. "If ye still can't get it through yer head that what I did was only to protect ye…"

In a burst of unbridled anger, I steadily stalked over to his side. Taking his shoulder, I violently swirled him around to face me. I ruthlessly snapped, "How the fuck did you expect to protect me by pretending that you had feelings for me? How could you even fucking _say_ that when, from the beginning, all you did was _use_ me?"

"I _have_ feelings for ye!" Murphy desperately cried with his hands outstretched on either side of him. "I fucked up in the beginning, and I admit that. But we were still friends, and…" He shut his eyes momentarily in order to gain a bit of composure. With a large exhale, he tried again, "I never meant to hurt ye, Lourdes. Ye have ta believe me."

With a hasty step, he enclosed the space between us, cupping my face within the palms of his hands. Inhaling deeply, he kissed me passionately, thoroughly – apologetically. My arms trembled as I placed my hands upon his strong chest, gripping his shirt, half pushing him away, half wanting him to stay. I couldn't help that I was angry – I had every right to be. But underlying his façade was his purpose of protecting me. Even then, what am I supposed to think about what he has done and plans to do to Ciaran?

The ardent kiss continued, our breaths mingling in the air, slick tongues fighting for control. Murphy was trying to prove the depth of his feelings; but rather than passion, all I could feel was pain. After a few moments, I managed to pull myself away from his form, abruptly turning my head to the side. Murphy swallowed, his palms tracing my cheeks, then resting on my shoulders. "Ya know," he began in a mere whisper, "I would always think about ye, even in Boston; how ye'd grow up, how things would turn out for ye." He paused, lowering his head in order to catch my gaze. "I was right."

"W-what are you talking about?" I responded quietly, eyes flickering towards his own. "What do you mean?"

"I always knew ye had a good head on yer shoulders." He coolly admitted with a nonchalant shrug. Eyes squinting, he stated, "Ye don't deserve to go through all this shit, and I'm not gonna drag ye with me." Releasing me from his grasp, he placed his hands in his coat pockets. In an instant, the delicate expression on his countenance immediately changed, now replaced by an expression of firm resolve. With hard eyes, his now steel-blue orbs landed upon my form once more. In steadfast declaration, he began, "I can't be in yer life anymore. I'm not gonna call ye or come and see ye. Ye know what? Just forget I ever _existed_!"

Through this, I found myself gasping and unable to speak. Trying to follow Murphy's reasoning, my logic was clouded by the rush of painful emotions, physically stifling me to the point where I found that I almost couldn't breathe. Murphy manifested the ties that he wished to sever between us as he took a step back, jaw callously tight and eyes showing little emotion. When I made a move to reach for him, he immediately recoiled with a shake of his head. "Don't make this harder than it already is, Lourdes. Just let it be. Let it be."

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**A/N: Could this really be the end for Murphy and Lourdes? How will Lourdes deal with everything? And what do you think will happen next? Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	16. Aftermath

**A/N: 100 reviews! I honestly didn't expect this story to do this well! THANK YOU all for that. (You know who you are!) Now I know I don't suck that much at writing. :D**

**I love how everyone's worried about Lourdes and Murphy. To be honest, I am, too! I also love how you all have faith that I'll resolve everything and want me to give Murphy a break. (I may or may not - you'll just have to wait and see!) As for this next chapter, it bridges the plotline that I've been fighting with myself about for weeks. I'm gonna go through with it, so I hope you all like it!**

**I know you're all happy about the fast update as well. I have more time now during the break, and since it **_**is**_** the holiday season, I'll be updating asap as my gift to all of you!**

**Cheers! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 16: Aftermath**

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"_**Big Girls Don't Cry"**_

_**By: Fergie**_

_The smell of your skin lingers on me now  
You're probably on your flight back to your home town  
I need some shelter of my own protection baby  
To be with myself and center, clarity  
Peace, Serenity_

_I hope you know, I hope you know  
That this has nothing to do with you  
It's personal, myself and I  
We've got some straightenin' out to do  
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket  
But I've got to get a move on with my life  
It's time to be a big girl now  
And big girls don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry  
Don't cry_

_The path that I'm walking  
I must go alone  
I must take the baby steps 'til I'm full grown, full grown  
Fairytales don't always have a happy ending, do they?  
And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay_

_Like the little school mate in the school yard  
We'll play jacks and uno cards  
I'll be your best friend and you'll be my Valentine  
Yes you can hold my hand if you want to  
'Cause I want to hold yours too  
We'll be playmates and lovers and share our secret worlds  
But it's time for me to go home  
It's getting late, dark outside  
I need to be with myself and center, clarity  
Peace, Serenity_

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Whether it was utter hopelessness or the mere inevitability of the situation, I didn't shed a tear the night that Murphy broke all ties with me. When he had walked away from my form with those final words, I merely observed him through mist-filled eyes as he disappeared into the night. I didn't run after him, didn't shout his name – I only stood there in stoic silence, wallowing in defeat. The pain that that night had elicited didn't subside after a few weeks; rather, it had grown substantially. Both Connor and Murphy had stressed the importance of understanding their actions, their histories, and their motives. But when I truly needed him the most – the time when I was most vulnerable, hurt, and confused – Murphy decided to let me swim on my own, to fight for my life when I was clearly drowning and screaming for help. The only thing that I didn't know now was whether to let myself sink or keep swimming. Was I hurt more by his past revelations or by his chosen absence? Did I let my bitterness and confusion with regards to his abandonment blind me from his deeper purpose?

Needless to say, my emotions were completely battered. I barely received any rest nor bothered to eat complete meals. I felt as though I was living in a perpetual haze, where everything was semi-real and were of little importance. Though, what I felt most guilty about was how I treated Ma MacManus. For all of the years that I have known her, there had never been any point of dispute or awkwardness between us. Now, I felt like there was nothing but. Connor was right – I did ignore her calls and even her visits. I even gave my mother excuses why I couldn't go out with any of the MacManuses, simply attributing my absence to a busy schedule. How could I be so callous towards her? How did I let my confusion and convoluted emotions regarding her husband and sons affect the way I treated her?

It had been almost a month since I had seen Mrs. MacManus – the day when Mr. MacManus returned. I had absolutely no idea what had happened between them after that point. I only knew what Murphy and Connor had told me thus far. So, hoping to mend the rift that I had created between myself and Ma, I wanted to alleviate the situation by mustering up all of my courage and giving her a call. I wanted to know whether she would actually _speak_ to me before actually seeing me. So, dialing the MacManus household, I held my breath as the phone began to ring. After the fifth ring, however, I still received no answer. Waving the white flag and placing the phone upon the receiver, I steadied my rapidly beating heart and decided that I would save my reconciliations for another day.

I needed to get out of my house and clear my stifled head. So, after about half an hour of mindless walking through my quiet neighbourhood, I eventually caught sight of McVeigh's, our local pub. I couldn't help but fancy a pint or sixteen at this point. Clearing a head can _also_ mean not being able to remember anything, right?

Right.

So, making a beeline for the lively establishment, I set a goal for the night: to get plastered and not remember a single thing. _Well good plan, Lourdes, well good plan._ Keeping my head low as I entered, I inconspicuously took a cursory glance around the packed place, as though trying to find my bearings. Seeing an empty stool at the far corner of the bar, I zigzagged my way through the crowd, smiling politely to those who greeted me. Finally able to catch the bartender's attention, I ordered a drink. Followed by another. And then, followed by even _more_ drinks. Although I knew this wasn't the answer to what I was going through, I couldn't help but indulge this night.

After about an hour, I began to really feel the effects of the alcohol. I looked around the establishment once more, and when two men parted in front of me, I caught the sight of Mrs. MacManus, my mother, and a few of their friends. This somewhat sobered me up. Feeling my heart almost bursting through my chest with guilt, I half-panicked, not knowing whether to run to her and beg for her forgiveness or to return home instead. Feeling my nerves take over, I swirled around so that she wouldn't catch sight of me. In the wake of my clumsiness, however, I immediately bumped into the person behind me. Instead of apologizing, though, the cat caught my tongue once again as I recognized who it was.

"Hey." Connor's tone was more of a question than a salutation. Forcing a half-smile in greeting, he held his pint steady in front of him, patiently eyeing me. As he saw my eyes observing our surroundings, he curtly replied, "Murphy's not here."

The flicker of hope that ignited within my heart was quickly smothered. In response, I could only nod and abruptly look away. A few moments later, I admitted, somewhat slurring, "I was…I was, uh…trying to look for your Ma earlier." I managed to give him a shrug, awkwardly meeting his steady gaze. "I couldn't find any o' ye, so I just headed down here instead."

Connor motioned his head towards the direction of his mother but didn't break his stare. "Why were ye lookin' for 'er?"

"To apologize?" I offered, running my fingers through my long, tangled hair. "To fix the shit that I've caused?" I let out a long, helpless exhale as I shook my head. "I don't know, Connor. I just want things to be right again."

"With me Ma or with me brother?"

I immediately broke my gaze away from his. Now feeling the full influence of alcohol, I turned away from Connor, neither having the courage nor the strength to speak about Murphy. _Of course_ Connor would know the details of what had transpired between me and his brother! Closing my eyes, I downed my last pint and mumbled imploringly, "Connor, please…"

He quickly pursed his lips and threw me an understanding nod. "Go talk with me Ma. She'll appreciate it."

With another half smile in farewell, Connor disappeared into the crowd. Attempting to make myself look half-presentable to my mother, Ma, and their friends, I quickly flattened my disheveled hair and tugged at my shirt. Walking only a few meters towards them, I immediately caught my mother's gaze. She quickly smiled and beckoned for me to come over. I caught Mrs. MacManus' gaze as well and sent her a nervous smile. Right after I said my salutary greetings, I immediately lied, "Mrs. MacManus, Connor wanted me to come and get you."

Instantly knowing what I intended to do, Ma flashed a broad smile in my direction, then excused herself from the booth. Placing a hand on my shoulder, she motioned for me to lead the way as the two of us waved back to my mother. When we found a quieter spot within the pub and I began to blurt out my apologies, she began, "Love, I know why ye've been actin' the way ye 'ave. Ye don't need ta explain anythin' ta me." She softly took my chin in between her fingers. "I should've told ye about me husband and me boys years ago. I've known ye long enough ta know that ye'd be the kind of person ta understand sooner or later." A frown flashed upon her countenance, regret now evident in her expression. "Me explainin' to ye everythin' would've probably lessened the shock. I'm the one who should be sorry, child, not ye."

"I just didn't think that it could be true, you know?" I said weakly, biting my bottom lip in order to quell the oncoming tears. "And Murphy, he…"

Ma interrupted me with a long sigh. "I'm not gonna lie to ye anymore, Lourdes." She began to rub her temples. "Murph left the house a couple o' weeks ago to go on another mission on 'is own. Never even told 'is brother 'bout it. I haven't seen m'boy in a while, and I'm startin' ta become real worried." She gave her head a disappointed shake. "I sent me husband ta find 'im. I've no doubt that they'll both turn up soon."

"Another mission?" I shakily repeated, gulping. I was more than afraid to ask what that _truly_ meant.

Ma gave me a sideways glance, observing my reaction. "I know ye care deeply for me son, Lourdes, but…it's not easy. It's never easy."

I knew at this point that she was drawing from her own experiences with her husband, and now, her sons. I felt deeply for her, finally realizing that we had many things in common – hurt, worries, and confusion, but most of all, love.

"I know m'boy cares for ye too, Lourdes, but knowing 'im…ye may be even more hurt at how he shows his feelings."

"I understand." And I did. When I should've felt gratitude towards Murphy, I only felt contempt. When he knew that it was impossible, he told me to forget that he ever exited. When all I could do was worry for his life, be kept completely in the dark about his actions, I find out that he blindly went off on a mission on his own. It was more rash and stupid than brave. What he fuck was Murphy _thinking_? Feeling the effects of my rising emotions, coupled with the swirling alcohol, upon my head, I blurted, "I should go."

I felt Ma's hand upon the side of my arm, giving it a worried squeeze. "But love, you seem to have had quite a lot ta drink. Ye sure that ye'll be…"

I let out a hiccup as I waved half in dismissal of the situation and half in goodbye. "I'll be fine, Mrs. MacManus. Don't you worry." I gave her a quick embrace, hoping that our relationship was now truly mended. "I will come and visit you soon." Without another word, I stepped out of the bar and into the cold, deserted street.

_I don't care anymore._

_I don't care what happens._

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**A/N: Uh oh. This doesn't look good for Lourdes. I wonder what's going to happen next? I will be updating soon with the next chapter. I'm very curious to know how you'll all react! Till next time, my faithful readers. xx IFHD**


	17. Confusion

**A/N: Another speedy update! I worked diligently on this chapter, so I hope you like it. I'm a bit busier because of the holidays, but I will still work on this story as much as I can! There is so much more to come. Plans for a sequel (and maybe even a trilogy, depending on time and reader response) are already underway. Thanks to those who reviewed: Sith Happens - **_**I hope Lourdes gets it together and Murph's okay!**_**; BelhavenOnTap - **_**I agree. Murph is definitely worth the effort!**_**; Nyah1 -**_**Let's see if Lourdes does something stupid, shall we?**_**; ivyshortcake - **_**I'm giggling - you'll see why soon enough.**_**; betty-boo - **_**Murph's just being Murph, and we'll see what damage alcohol can do.**_**; Jade Opal - **_**I'd be so emo too! Cross your fingers that M L will be together again!**_**; IrishSaints - **_**And deep down inside, Lourdes still cares. Hope you like this next one!**_**, and penscratch - **_**I'm sorry for being evil, but I love it. I'm not one for Mary Sues, so all my romances are nowhere near perfect. Here's another speedy update for ya!**_**. You all sounded very eager to know what happens next and are wishing that Murph and Lourdes get it together. Cross your fingers, because this romance is gonna be one hell of a rollercoaster ride!**

**xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 17: Confusion**

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"_**Cross The Line"**_

_**By: Ruth**_

_This is where it starts  
This is where it ends  
You said it and I'm ready  
It's the start of something new  
And it's creeping inside you  
To the heart of who you are  
You're gonna cross this line  
And now's the time  
You're gonna know it  
Goin'_

_Tell me that you want me  
Tell me that you see me  
I'm giving you everything I have  
I'm giving you everything I am  
Tell me that you want me  
Tell me that you see me  
I'm telling you right now  
Here I am_

_You're not giving up  
You're not giving in  
To the life you knew before this  
You're gonna cross this line  
And now's the time  
You're gonna know it  
Goin'_

_I am always yours  
I give you my heart, my mind, and my soul_

_I'm telling you right now  
Here I am_

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I had no idea what time it was or how much time had elapsed since I left Mrs. MacManus at the bar. My coherent exit was convincing enough; but little did she know that I could barely see where I was going, let alone _walk_ home. _Sod it_, I thought. Walking took too much energy.

I decided to whistle for a taxi, or for any bloody moving thing, to take me home. As one appeared around the corner, I surprised myself when I actually managed to lift a hand and signal to it. As it abruptly stopped in front of me, I fumbled for the handle, yanked the door wide open, and practically threw myself into the backseat. Mumbling my address, I closed my eyes and leaned my head back, simultaneously trying to rid myself of the gagging sensation forming in my throat and the memories that lingered in my head.

"We're 'ere, darlin'."

The scruffy but kind voice of the driver shook me from my reverie after about half an hour or so. Quickly handing him a crumpled bill, I slid my way across the seat, pushed the door open with only minor problems, and actually managed to stand up. As I absentmindedly watched the taxi drive away, it was then that I noticed another vehicle parking upon my driveway. Stumbling upon the gravel pathway, I squinted my eyes as I tried to recognize whose it was through bleary vision. Right then, a figure stepped out, entirely cloaked in darkness. A rush of panic then hit me, somewhat making my senses alert. Should I run? _How can you fuckin' run when you can't even walk?_ My breaths became shallower as my heart began to pace erratically. As he came closer, I stumbled back further and further from him. When I reached the bottom of my porch, to my utter relief, I heard a familiar voice:

"Lourdes, it's alright. It's me, Con."

The panic was immediately replaced by complete annoyance. I vehemently slurred, "You fuckin' wanna give me a heart attack?!"

I saw Connor look towards the heavens as he muttered in a low voice, "Jaysus, yer worse than Ma thought." He slowly motioned his head towards my home. "Me Ma was worried about ye, so I'm 'ere ta make sure ye get some rest. I'll take care o' ye tonight."

"I don't need to be taken care of." I suddenly spat, not knowing where my aggression was coming from. Struggling to stand still, I swayed to and fro as I attempted to move _forward_. Making it halfway up my porch unattended, I managed to get to the last step when my toe just touched the edge. This sent me haphazardly forward, and I flailed my arms aimlessly in the air as I desperately attempted to retain my balance. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the hard impact. Though, I felt Connor's strong arms hastily wrapping around my waist, jerking me back into an upright position. Letting out a gasp, my body voluntarily relaxed upon the broad chest that it found itself leaning on. Twisting my head slowly, I met Connor's intense steel-blue eyes, his expression that of concern and upset.

"Let's get ya ta bed." His hushed voice tickled my ear as he shifted away from me. Simultaneously pushing the door open and keeping me steady, he led me inside, searching for the light switch. In the dim moonlight, I could make out his silhouette. Connor: a killer of men, but a saviour of lost souls.

Just like his brother.

His fucking brother, who was nowhere to be fucking found.

As a result of my confused, convoluted feelings and alcohol binge, I violently shrugged his form away from mine, sending my back colliding with the side wall. I heard him curse in surprise, and when he began to reach for me again, I screamed at the top of my lungs without constraint, "I fucking hate you, Connor! I fucking hate you and your brother!"

_Why did I fucking say that?_

A sob escaped my lips as I withered to the ground, back gliding down the wall. Connor's spine tensed at my declaration; he tried not to show the hurt that I evoked within him on his countenance. Tightening his jaw, he replied through tight lips, "Fine." He tried to grasp my arm once more, but I immediately slapped his hand away. Letting out a sigh of frustration, he barked, "Just let me fuckin' take care o' ye, then I'll fuck off, alright?"

"I don't need you to fucking take care of me!" I simultaneously screamed and wailed, burying my face upon my knees. "I trusted Ciaran, and look what happened! I trusted you and Murphy, and you turn out to be fucking killers!"

I thought that my last statement was surely enough to provoke Connor to hit me; instead, he kept his composure and reserve. Crouching in front of me, he said firmly, "Scream and shit talk me and me brother all ye want, Lourdes, but I ain't leavin' until yer in fuckin' bed. I promised yer Ma and mine that I would take care o' ye tonight, and I'm gonna keep that promise. If Murph were here, he'd…"

"But he isn't, is he?!" I cried painfully, lifting my head to make eye contact with him. "Connor, just leave me the fuck alone!"

Connor didn't budge. "I know it's hard ta deal with Murph not bein' 'ere, but don't blame me and 'im for Ciaran. Don't judge us and what we do when ye don't understand the whole story, let alone know it." Hesitating for a moment, he finally decided to place a firm hand on my shoulder. "Me family and I are tryin' ta make this as right as we can, Lourdes. And I'm doin' my best 'ere, alright? This isn't about me anymore, or me family – it's about ye." He used his index finger to tilt my head up so that I would look him in the eyes as he said, "I know Murphy hurt ye even though he was only trying to protect ye, but ye can't go on fuckin' yerself up like this. Ye gotta move on and live yer life."

I gazed into his eyes alternately, finding so much sincerity within them. I was hurting, more engulfed by the feeling than I have ever been in my life, and I could see that he understood that. But how could I ever accept who –_what_ – he and Murphy were? How could I even begin to _comprehend_ their lives?

After blankly staring at Connor's outstretched hand, I finally took it. Pulling me up to his arms again, he slowly and carefully led me up the stairs towards my bedroom, saying not a word to me. I suddenly felt pangs of guilt punching at my stomach. This was a killer of the wicked, but still a friend.

As Connor sat me upon my bed, he immediately made a move to leave. I didn't know where the desire came from, but I grasped his arm, almost in desperation, and urgently pleaded, "Don't leave me. Please stay with me tonight, Connor." When he didn't turn to face me, I continued with a sob, "Please, Connor, I don't want to be alone."

I could see his inner battle raging as he twisted his head to face me. He replied curtly, "Ye can barely see straight, let alone think straight. Ya need ta sleep, Lourdes. Now get some rest."

Completely ignoring what he had just said, I tugged on his arm, forcing him to fully face me. Then, lightly pulling at the hanging rosary from his neck, I brought him closer; so closely that he now hovered over me. Trailing my fingers upon the exposed flesh of his chest, I proceeded to fumble with the buttons of his shirt. Inching closer to him, I let my lips gingerly trace his collarbone, then rise to his neck. He let out a shaky, uncontrollable breath at this, his skin becoming warmer as a reaction to my unbridled advances.

"Ye gotta stop this, Lourdes." He managed to croak out, his chest quickly rising and falling from restraint. "Ye know ye and I can't…"

I immediately silenced him with a wanton, apologetic kiss. Wrapping my arms around his neck as I continued to taste him, I slowly laid down on the bed, bringing him upon me. His muscles tensed as he pinned his hands on either side of my head, slightly pulling away. I arched my hips to meet his, to show him that I wanted him, that I needed him. He let out a throaty groan at my exhibition of desire, lips now pressing down, hard, upon mine, fully reciprocating the hungry kiss. I whimpered into his mouth as his kisses became more erratic, his lips crushing mine, tongue delving into the recesses of my mouth.

Connor's hands began to trace the sides of my waist, contentedly resting upon my breasts. He began to softly knead them, feeling every inch, as he repositioned himself above me. Feeling for the hem of his shirt, I tugged it upwards, forcing Connor to lift his arms so that I could easily slip it off. Tossing it haphazardly upon the ground beside us, I pushed upon his shoulders as I rolled on top of him, entwining my legs with his. I began to kiss his neck, my mouth trailing lower and lower until I reached his chest and abdomen. His chest rose and fell erratically, his short breaths barely audible.

"Touch me." I said in the tone of a request more than a statement. I bit my bottom lip as I straddled him, bending over so that my lips grazed upon his. "I want you to touch me."

Sitting up, Connor wrapped his hand around my waist, resting on my lower back to keep me steady. Lifting my shirt with his right hand, I eagerly complied with his silent request and raised my arms. In a flash, he rid me of my shirt, his eyes now tracing the curves of my breasts and torso. I involuntarily trembled as his fingers grazed the sides of my waist, reaching up for the clasp of my bra. I could feel him underneath me, growing, throbbing, and signaling his unbridled desire. Feeling heat rush within me, I reached for the buckle of his belt, then the button of his jeans. I couldn't resist anymore. I couldn't bear it.

I wanted Connor. I wanted him tonight.

"Take the pain away…" I whispered in a pleading tone as I placed my hands upon his chest. "Please, Connor, make me feel good. Make me feel happy."

Suddenly, Connor halted his wanton ministrations. "Wait." He breathed out in a mere whisper. "What the fuck am I doing?" Finally alert, his spine straightened, though he held me steady upon him. As my eyes fluttered open, I met his hard gaze, the expression on his ashen face difficult to decipher.

My heart continued to maniacally pound as our eyes locked. I furrowed my brows in confusion, gripping his shoulders. "Connor, what's wrong?"

"I can't do this." He replied simply as he gently pushed me from his form. "I can't do this to me brother." As I stared at him, speechless, he picked up his discarded shirt from the ground and quickly slipped it on. "Ye know he still fuckin' loves ye even after everything that has happened, even if he's not 'ere. Ye shouldn't have done that, Lourdes. I shouldn't have done that." He stood from the bed, back turned away form me. "Get ta bed." He commanded in a stern voice, still not meeting my eyes. "I'll check up on ye in the morning."

Connor ignored me as I repeatedly called out his name. I felt the guilt taking over my body, my heart constricting so forcefully that it physically hurt. When he heard me begin to sob, Connor turned to face me once more. In a low tone, he questioned, "This isn't about ye wanting me, is it, Lourdes?" He patiently waited for my response. When I didn't reply, he continued, "What's this really about?"

"Everything!" I wailed, hugging my legs upon my chest. Resting my forehead on my knees, my shoulders shook as I began to cry, emotions heightened by the alcohol that continued to run through my veins. I felt Connor place his hand upon the small of my back as he took a seat beside me, but I didn't heed his touch. It only encouraged me to cry even harder, letting out every emotion that I had bottled up inside of me for so long.

Gingerly, Connor wrapped me in his arms, holding me closely as he placed his chin upon my forehead. "Whatever that's bothering ye, Lourdes, ye can tell me."

I managed to meet his inquiring eyes. "Everything that I believed in, everything that I thought was right…you and your family have questioned and shattered them. Do you know how hard that is? Do you know how much it hurts?"

"I know." Connor exhaled, the warmth of his breath somewhat giving me comfort. He placed a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Me own Ma had ta go through it. I almost couldn't take the fact that she was going through so much pain. But we can't change who we are, Lourdes, or what we've done. And the fact that yer still here and even made an effort to talk ta me Ma again shows that yer ready ta understand."

"Murphy used me, you know?" I admitted with a pain-filled scoff, wiping the tears that cascaded in steady rivulets down my cheeks with the back of my hand. "He was using me in the beginning to get to Ciaran. I don't even think it matters how he feels for me now."

"I…I didn't know." Connor seemed genuinely taken aback by this. "I didn't know what was goin' through 'is 'ead, Lourdes. If I had known that's what he was doing, I would've…"

"It's in the past now." I traced the side of his stubbled face with the tips of my fingers. With a long exhale, I tilted my head towards the door. "You should go. You don't need to stay with my sorry self. I'll be fine."

"Fuck." Connor cursed under his breath. He momentarily closed his eyes, as though fighting with himself. I merely eyed him questioningly as he did this. When his eyes fluttered open, his explanation came in the form of a kiss, one that completely electrified my senses. I was taken by surprise at his sudden action, though my decision to question him was immediately replaced by ardent desire for him once more. He momentarily broke away, and in a hoarse whisper, stated, "Murphy shouldn't have used ye." He softly bit my bottom lip, then traced the full of my lips with his own. "He shouldn't have."

I loosely gripped his spiked hair, our strong gazes connecting. As my head continued to swirl, my emotions were all askew. I knew I cared about Connor – I was positive that I cared about him. But this? Was this what I truly wanted?

"I'm not gonna lie to ye, Lourdes." He began in a hoarse whisper, lips grazing upon the side of my neck. "I do want ye, but…"

His slight hesitation encouraged me to meet his eyes once more. "What is it?"

"Ye love me brother. I know, deep down inside, no matter what passed between the two o' ye…ye still love 'im." His lips traced the side of my cheek, then rested upon my forehead. "And ye know – no matter where 'e is and what 'e's doing – that 'e feels the same way."

"If he loves me, why did he leave me?"

Connor's thin lips instantly snapped shut when he found that he had no definite answer. After a few moments of hesitation, he offered, "I know Murphy. Everything he does has a purpose, Lourdes. Have some faith in 'im." He gently pulled away from my form as he placed the covers upon us. "I'll stay with ye tonight and take care o' ye. Don't worry 'bout anythin'. Just rest, alright?"

I couldn't help but automatically comply at Connor's request. As I felt his arms wrap around my waist and his head rest upon the crook of my neck, I immediately drifted off into sleep.

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**A/N: I know some of you are having an "Oh no she dih-in't" kind of moment right now, but…yes, I **_**did**_**. lol This was the plotline that fueled my writer's block for weeks. But after a while, I finally decided to go through with it. (It actually works well with the rest of my plans for this story.) Who's disappointed? Shocked? Wondering how the hell I'm going to resolve this (or IF I'm going to resolve this)? All in due time, my faithful readers, all in due time.**

**P.S. I couldn't help but laugh at ivyshortcake's last review. You were right on the ball! lol**

**xx IFHD**


	18. The Past

**A/N: I must admit, I'm surprised that nobody wanted to shoot me in the head! (And yes, Connor IS quite the looker.) Glad you guys like the drama and the tangled web that I'm weaving. I couldn't help myself. Now, how will I resolve this? Well, you'll just have to keep reading to find out. Thanks to all those that reviewed! Hope you have a happy holiday season. Enjoy this one! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 18: The Past**

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_**"Love Hurts"**_

_**By: Incubus**_

_Tonight we drink to youth  
And holding fast to truth  
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)  
My heart still has a beat  
But love is now a feat.  
(As common as a cold day in LA.)  
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder  
Is there a spell that I am under  
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?_

_Love hurts...  
But sometimes it's a good hurt  
And it feels like I'm alive.  
Love sings,  
When it transcends the bad things.  
Have a heart and try me,  
'cause without love I won't survive._

_I'm fettered and abused,  
I stand naked and accused  
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)  
I only want the truth  
So tonight we drink to youth!  
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)  
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder  
Is there a spell that I am under  
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?_

_Love hurts...  
But sometimes it's a good hurt  
And it feels like I'm alive.  
Love sings,  
When it transcends the bad things.  
Have a heart and try me,  
'cause without love I won't survive._

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_**FLASHBACK**_

_"Psst!"_

_The noise that was equivalent to a hissing snake was followed by the taps of numerous pebbles colliding with my half-opened window. Groggily waking from a deep sleep, I rolled once more upon my bed, groaning upon my pillow as the incessant tapping noises wouldn't go away, as much as I willed them to. Finally throwing my wrinkled blanket off my body after the fifth or sixth pebble, my wobbly legs took me towards the window, squinting as my eyes struggled to adjust to the street lights outside. Before I could snap at whoever woke me at three in the morning, a round pebble flew through the window once more, hitting me straight in the forehead._

_"Friggen hell!" I cried, rubbing the small but surprisingly painful injury. Now ready to bite the head off of whoever stood outside, I latched my hands upon the windowsill, peering out and over the railing. I mumbled, "Alright, alright, I'm awake!"_

_"Wanna go exploring?" asked the shadowed figure below._

_"Murphy?" I recognized that voice and tone anywhere. Seeing him nod repeatedly, I scolded, "Why are you at my house at this time? If my parents catch you, you'll be in big trouble!"_

_He casually shrugged a shoulder. "Couldn't sleep." I saw him flash his teeth. "Ye comin' with me or what?"_

_I shook my head firmly, not at all wanting to get into another mess with the MacManus twin. "I got grounded for a week the last time I went 'exploring' with you! I ain't gonna do it again!"_

_"Aw, come on." When he realized that he couldn't persuade me by asking, he resorted to immature bribery. "If ya don't I'll tell Connor ya like 'im."_

_I was mortified at this threat, though tried to hide my beet-red cheeks in the shadows. "I don't like him, Murph!" God, I wasn't convincing at all! Trying to regain some sort of dignity, I said, "I'll come out with ya, but only for a while."_

_He was more than pleased that his bribe had worked. "'Kay. Meet ye at yer back door."_

_Several minutes later, I found myself wandering suburban Dublin streets with Murphy. I had no idea where he was taking me, but I trusted that he knew what he was doing – or, rather, where he was going. Finally spotting a beaten fence, I saw that he was heading straight for the abandoned farm not far from where we lived. Feeling goosebumps trickle down my spine, I automatically clung onto Murphy's arm. Hearing him chuckle at my exhibition of fright, I gave him an annoyed shove, though continued to follow him._

_While I nervously surveyed my surroundings, he stopped abruptly, causing me to bump onto his back. "Found this yesterday when Connor and I were comin' home from school." _

_I looked up to where he gestured his head. High upon an old oak tree was a fairly new treehouse. Before I could even begin to scold Murphy about climbing towards it in fear that it would collapse, he was already up and on the ladder, climbing expertly. "Come on!" he encouraged me as he crawled inside the tiny treehouse, peeking outside and beckoning for me to climb. _

_With shaking hands, I grabbed onto the creaky ladder. The climb wasn't that high, thank goodness. So, before I knew it, Murphy clung to my arm, helping me up the last step. The space was dark, but by no means old. It seemed as though someone had just built it there a few months ago and just suddenly left it. "It can be our hideout, our secret meeting place." I heard Murphy say behind me as he leaned on the wall. "When we wanna get away from everyone, we can come here."_

_"Okay." I said simply, actually feeling at home in the enclosed space._

_Murphy eyed me curiously, his eyes twinkling in the dim moonlight. "So are ye ever gonna tell Con that ye like him?"_

_The question suddenly made my heart jump. Turning away from his questioning glance, I said, "N-no. Why?"_

_"Ye don't need ta." Now he grinned widely, his smile reaching his eyes. "I already told 'im."_

_With wide eyes of incredulity, I began to slap the sides of his arms alternately, squealing in horror. "I can't believe," I slapped the back of his head, "that you," then his chest, "told him!"_

_"Gimme a break, it wasn't a secret!" The cheeky grin continued to light up his face, and now he didn't even bother to evade my attacks anymore. "'Sides, he already has a girlfriend, and ye've never had a boyfriend in yer life."_

_"Have too!"_

_"Oh yeah?" he countered coolly, "Who?"_

_"Gordon." I blurted out the first person I could think of. "Gordon D'Arcy."_

_Well,_that_ was a sure lie. Murphy had spoken the truth. I never did have a boyfriend, ever. Even if everyone in the tenth grade had one, I still didn't._

_Murphy flashed me a mischievous smile. "So ye know how to kiss, then?"_

_"'Course I do!" I rejoined confidently, tilting my chin higher for good measure._

_"Ye probably suck at it," he continued to poke with a chuckle. "Connor wouldn't like that."_

_I gave him an outright snarl. "I'll show you!" I said defiantly, taking him by the collar of his shirt. Pulling the wide-eyed Murphy towards me, I planted a quick peck on his soft lips, pushing him away when I thought I had made my point. He fell back with a thud, eyebrows still raised, as he softened the fall with his elbows. The bewildered expression on his face immediately disappeared, replaced by a mirthful expression._

_"Ye call _that_ kissing?" he boomed with laughter, pounding his fist on the wooden floor. "Holy shit, yer funny!"_

_I frowned, slightly lowering my head. I felt my bottom lip tremble, followed by the steady heaving of my chest. Silent tears began to fall from my eyes, and I sluggishly wiped them away with the back of my palm. I heard Murphy curse beside me as I did this, and he shifted to my side. "Whoa, hey…" He said in a guilty tone, taking my hand. "I didn't mean ta make ye cry, I was only teasin'!"_

_"Fuck you, Murphy!" Now the sobbing began, to my utter embarrassment. "All you do is tease me, ya know?"_

_He gave me a half smile. "Only cuz it's fun." When I remained turned away from him, his frown returned as he tried to gain my attention once more. "Besides, ye don't kiss so bad."_

_Before I could blink, Murphy pressed his lips upon mine once more, fully enveloping me in a soft kiss. My first real kiss! My lips remained hard, a testament to my simultaneous nervousness, fright and complete surprise. Murphy opened his mouth once more, as if guiding me, showing me what to do. Feeling his tongue in between my lips, he gently parted my mouth, deepening the kiss. I let out a whimper into his mouth, placing my hand upon the side of his smooth face. Then, I felt his arm slinking around me, pulling me closer as he shifted in his place._

_He suddenly broke the kiss, though still holding me somewhat across his lap. Blinking twice, he looked down at me, as if trying to register what he had just done. I merely sat in front of him, stunned. Tilting his head to the side, he merely gave me a crooked smile, saying sincerely, "That was fun."_

_Before I could reply, his mouth enveloped mine in another kiss._

_**END FLASHBACK**_

Connor had stayed true to his word. He stayed to simultaneously protect and take care of me last night. I felt so much gratitude for what he did and how he handled the situation, especially when he knew that I wasn't thinking – or feeling – clearly. The patience and kindness that he exhibited towards me helped me to better understand who this man was.

Maybe it will help me understand who his brother is.

What exactly happened with Connor yesterday night? What did I really feel for him? Were my actions only a result of my skewed emotions, or was it something more than that?

The only thing that I definitely knew was that I did have feelings for Murphy. True feelings, regardless of the past and present. No matter where Murphy was, I still longed for him.

And it hurt. More than I ever knew it could.

I clumsily wiped the tears that recklessly cascaded down my flushed cheeks as I thought of the MacManus brothers. A small whimper escaped from my lips as I buried my head into my arms, which I propped upon my huddled knees. Why couldn't things be so much simpler as they were back then? Why couldn't everything just fall into place so that all of us could live happily ever after?

I should just concentrate on, my family, my job…on getting my life back together.

The sudden ring of my doorbell made my heart skip a beat, giving me some hope. Maybe Murphy's back! Maybe Connor has told him everything that has happened and has come to end our estrangement. Or maybe…he'll wish me to hell and back for knowing what I've done with Connor. So, simultaneously excited, eager, and frightened, I swung the door wide open, fully expecting Murphy's form.

But it wasn't him.

"Hi, darling."

Before I could reply, a sack was abruptly thrown over my head, instantly stifling me. Two pairs of hands held both of my arms and proceeded to drag me out into the night. As I began to struggle and scream with all of my might, I felt something blunt collide with the back of my head.

Before I knew it, I was out cold.

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**A/N: Ohhh crap. Let's hope Lourdes lives. xx IFHD**


	19. Trouble

**A/N: Thank you for the lovely reviews - you guys are awesome! (But you knew that already.) Glad everyone liked the flashback - there are more of those coming up. Let's hope Murphy can make everything right. (penscratch: For the treehouse comment - I actually did think about that. :) I'll defo try and incorporate that!) Happy Holidays and hope you enjoy this next one! xx IFHD **

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**Chapter 19: Trouble**

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"_**Until The End"**_

_**By: Breaking Benjamin**_

_So clever,  
Whatever,  
I'm done with these endeavors.  
Alone I walk the winding way.  
(Here I stay)  
It's over,  
No longer,  
I feel it growing stronger.  
I'll live to die another day,  
Until I fade away._

_Why give up, why give in?  
It's not enough, it never is.  
So I will go on until the end.  
We've become desolate.  
It's not enough, it never is.  
But I will go on until the end._

_Surround me,  
It's easy  
To fall apart completely.  
I feel you creeping up again.  
(In my head)  
It's over,  
No longer,  
I feel it growing colder.  
I knew this day would come to end,  
So let this life begin.  
_

_I've lost my way.  
I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end._

_Living is hard enough  
Without you fucking up.  
_

_I've lost my way.  
I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end._

_The final fight I'll win,  
The final fight I'll win,  
The final fight I'll win,  
But I will go on until the end._

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"Well, well. Looks like my _darling girlfriend_ is wide awake now, boys."

As I began to fully regain consciousness, I heard more clearly the chorus of chuckles that sounded in the background of Ciaran's mocking voice. By the sound of it, they were surrounding me, with Ciaran standing right in front of me. Feeling a rush of pain course throughout my body, I began to slowly open my eyes with difficulty. When it instantaneously met blinding light, I closed my eyelids once more, now feeling uncontrollable tears cascading down the sides of my cheeks. I then felt a hand roughly tug at my tangled hair, abruptly forcing my head back and chin up. When I tried to move in order to fight back, I felt that my resistance was futile, for I had been tied tightly upon a metal chair. When I found my voice, my screams were merely mumbles as my gag performed its duty.

"Now, now, sweetheart. No need for ye ta make a fuss 'bout all this!" I could hear Ciaran's light steps inching closer and closer towards me. The man who had once elicited butterflies in my stomach now only evoked pure fear in my heart. Forcing my bleary eyes open, I could now see him triumphantly hovering over me, steel-blue eyes immediately catching my gaze. He leaned forward, tracing his dry lips upon the side of my cheek. "Ye've been a naughty girl, haven't ye?" Suddenly, his hand shot out from underneath him, grasping my neck in a tight chokehold. "Now, we either do this the easy way, or the hard way. It's yer choice, really." I began to scream and squirm as his free hand worked at the tie of the gag. "Ye keep screamin' like that and I'll be forced ta put a bullet through that pretty little head o' yers. So if you want ta live, I suggest ye shut the fuck up unless yer answering one of me questions. Ye fuckin' understand that?" When I weakly nodded in acquiesce, he released his hold upon my neck, finally allowing me to maniacally gasp for air. The gag was tugged from my mouth, and I sat still in obedient silence. He tilted his head as though genuinely impressed by my actions. "Good. I always knew bitches could learn new tricks."

"Ciaran, why are you doing this? What is this about?" My raspy voice could barely be heard. With the lack of energy and the continuous pain that wracked my body, I felt as though I was going to lose consciousness once more. What kept me awake at that very moment, though, was Ciaran's hand, this time gripping my jaw.

"I thought I told ye to shut the fuck up unless I asked ye a question?" He boomed, his voice echoing throughout the large room. Abruptly releasing me, he fixed the tie and suit that he was wearing, as though regaining his composure. "But since that was a good question, I guess I'll oblige ta answer ye and not kill ye." With a snap of his fingers and a beckon of his head, the group of men behind him obediently left in a line, mimicking that of an army, and shut the door firmly behind them. "So where were we, darlin'? O, aye, 'what's all this 'bout', ye ask?" He let out a malevolent laugh with a shake of his head. "'Tis a pity, really. I never intended for ye to be involved in any o' this. But ye brought this upon yerself, ye cheating whore!"

My eyes grew wide, unable to fathom how he could've ever known about what transpired between Murphy and me. "What are you…"

Utter rage blazed in his eyes, completely directed towards me. Grabbing the back of my hair and ruthlessly tugging at it, he roared, "Don't ye think for a fuckin' second that I don't know that ye've been fuckin' a MacManus brother! Don't play fuckin' innocent with me!" He ripped open the collar of his shirt, lifting his head up for me to see. "Ye see this scar? It's because of yer fucking beloved MacManus brothers!"  
At this point, my body was involuntarily shaking. "I n-never cheated on ye!"

"Lies!" He boomed, slapping my face so hard that my head instantly snapped to the side. If it weren't for him holding my hair, I would've completely fallen to the ground. I only hissed at this abuse, closing my eyes as he continued, "Bunker Hill all those weeks ago. Remember that,_love?_" My eyes grew wide at this point, and I mustered enough energy and courage to meet his gaze. "I see that ye do. I should have killed that son of a bitch! But ye know what? I still couldn't risk hurting ye, too, even after ye fuckin' cheated on me!" He grabbed my face once more, nails now digging into my skin. "I fuckin' loved ye! I loved ye!"

"It was you." I completely disregarded his latter statement and felt a wave of anger surge throughout my body. Even in my predicament, I screamed, "_You_ tried to kill Murphy!"

The click of his loaded gun below me was enough to keep me silent and still. Teasingly running the barrel of the gun upon my cheek, Ciaran's expression had grown stone cold, his jaw tight and unflinching. At this point, my nerves fully had the best of me, for I had no doubt that I was about to die. Closing my eyes once more, I heard him say, "This goes deeper than ye will ever know, Lourdes. More than ye'll ever know." With a scoff, he admitted, "I would've done anythin' for ye – anythin'. But ye ruined that, and I actually feel sorry for ye." I merely shook, unable to speak as the gun rested firmly upon the bottom of my jaw. "Ye knowin' the MacManus brothers wasn't enough for me to get rid o' ye. But when I found out that ye were fuckin' one o' 'em while ye were with me…that's unforgivable. I'm gonna kill 'em, Lourdes, and ye'll get to watch as they fuckin' bleed ta death."

As he retrieved his gun from my jaw, I felt a moment of relief as I was able to breathe once more. Distress took over me shortly after that, for now I feared for the MacManuses' lives more than my own. "Ciaran, please don't do this!" I pleaded with a sob, watching him as he pulled away from my form. "Please…I love you!"

He pointed the gun shakily back towards my head. "_Don't_ ye fuckin' mock me unless ye really want ta be sent ta yer maker. Both ye and I know that ye _never_ loved me."

At this point, I knew that I couldn't fool Ciaran. My fear had made me transparent, and he saw right through me. "They were only using ye ta get ta me. Now I'm gonna use ye ta get ta them." He let out a scoff, placing his gun in his pocket once more. "Funny how that works, doesn't it? The whore gets what she deserves."

"Ciaran!" I blurted out through my uncontrollable tears. I needed to get away, to find the MacManuses and warn them. "Please, let me go. Let me go!"

He completely ignored my pleas. Instead, he roared, "Where are the MacManus brothers? Don't fuck around with me, because I know ye know where they are!"

"I don't know where they – "

He dealt me another slap across the face. This time, he worked at the knot of the rope that was wrapped around my body. Knowing what he intended to do, I panicked, squirming as he used his leg to hold me steady. Finally able to untie me, he tossed the rope upon the ground and kicked the chair out from underneath me. With full force, Ciaran pressed me upon the ground, pinning both of my arms on either side of my head. I struggled with him with all of my might, but he continued to overpower me. My physical weakness also stemmed from my emotional one, and sobs continued to wrack my body as I squirmed and resisted him. Though, this only proved futile. "Ye used ta enjoy this." He declared with a menacing laugh. Ripping my shirt, Ciaran began to painfully knead my breasts. His other hand fell upon the button of my jeans, ineptly attempting to rid me of all of my clothing. I repeatedly tried to scream through his palm, but he only retrieved his hand and silenced me with a slobbering kiss. I tried to bite him, but when I did, his hand flew across my face once more, snapping my head to the side and almost knocking me out cold. With my mouth free, I screamed once more, regardless of his previous threats, but had little hope that anybody could hear me.

Just when he had managed to unbutton my jeans, numerous gunshots sounded through the closed door, followed by the screams of men and thuds of their bodies collapsing upon the ground. Momentarily distracted, I used this chance to kick and push Ciaran off of my body, also attempting to grab his gun upon his waist. Though, he quickly recovered, and before I knew it, his hand crushed my arm in a death grip, instantly bruising me and threatening to break my bone. After he called more of his men to see to the problem on his mobile, he mindlessly tossed the phone to the side. As rage and primal instinct collided and took over him, he continued with his abuses. Ciaran's eyes were glazed with anger, and in the midst of his rampage, he seemed to have lost all sense of humanity. He only had one purpose, and he wouldn't stop until he had fulfilled it.

Suddenly, the door burst wide open, shards of wood flying through the room from the broken door frame.

"Get the fuck off of her, ye son of a bitch!"

I managed to twist my head towards the sound of the voice. Through blurry eyes, I recognized Murphy's faint silhouette. He stood only a few meters from us, gun fully drawn, and poised to kill Ciaran.

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**A/N: Eeh! Murphy's back! Will he save the day or just get himself killed? Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	20. The Trinity

**A/N: Hello darling reader! I think I was doing well with updating pretty quickly, but now I'm having a bit of writer's block again. It comes and goes, so hopefully it'll go away very soon. I'd rather not update with complete b/s, so I'm going to take my time with the rest of my story. Please let me know if it seems like I'm rushing or if the writing's complete sht. I try to take my time with it, but sometimes I just have so many ideas floating in my head that I don't really take time to perfect it. But again, thanks to those who reviewed: christianlovesme, BelhavenOnTap, Sith Happens, IrishSaints, ivyshortcake, betty-boo and Jade Opal. You guys are awesome! Enjoy this next one. xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 20: The Trinity**

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_**"The Dirty Glass"**_

_**By: Dropkick Murphys**_

_Murphy, Murphy, darling dear  
I long for you now night and day  
Your pain was my pleasure, your sorrow my joy  
I feel now I've lost you to health and good cheer_

_Darcy, when I met you I was five years too young  
A boy beyond his age, or so I'd tell someone  
Anyone who'd listen and a few who couldn't care  
Still I welcomed you with open arms, my love I did share_

_Darcy, Darcy darling dear,  
You left me dying, crying there  
In whiskey, gin, and pints of beer  
I fell for you my darling dear_

_You shut me off and you showed me the door  
But you always came crawling back begging me for more  
I showed you kindness, a stool, and a tab  
Then you poured me my pain in a dirty glass  
(Yeah, you left him bloody, battered, penniless, and poor)  
You know, I often stopped and wondered how you made it through my door  
With my brother's new non-duplicate registry ID  
Well you bit off more than you could chew the first day you met me.You weren't the first to court me mister you won't be the last  
Oh, I'm sure I wasn't honey, I know all about your past  
Listen to the big shot with his pager on call  
You spent most of those nights in my bathroom stall  
(Yeah, you got him high, but you left him low)  
Mind your own business, boy, how was I to know  
That he was just a fiend and a no-good cheat  
Well it's all in the past bitch 'cause now I've got it beat._

_My dear, my dear  
Darcy, Darcy my darling dear._

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_**Flashback**_

_"So is it true?"_

_The sudden sound of Connor's voice caught me by surprise, literally making me jump. As I placed my free hand upon my chest to steady my erratically beating heart, I continued about my duty of wiping the diner counter. Slightly twisting my head to face him, I muttered, "How the hell do ya do that?"_

_Connor flashed me a winsome smile, plopping down on a stool right across from me. "Do what?"_

_"Appear without me hearing you."_

_He clasped his hands in front of him, leaning his elbows on the now clean counter. He replied wittingly, "For a second there, I thought ye were gonna ask how I make yer heart jump."_

_Immediately attempting to hide the blush that instantly appeared upon my cheeks, I disappeared behind the tall counter, pretending to rummage through my father's belongings upon the shelves. "Con, you know my Da doesn't allow anyone in the diner after hours. If he catches you in here again, he'll…"_

_"Pfft." He scoffed dismissively. "Yer Da likes me whether he admits it or not." I heard him shift on his seat, elbows knocking upon the table. "So ye never answered my question."_

_"I didn't even _understand_ the question!" I let out an exasperated sigh at his persistence. _

_With a grunt, I placed the cloth on one of the shelves and pushed myself up using my knees. Meanwhile, I had no idea that Connor had leaned over the table and was looking down upon me the entire time. So, when I fully stood, I found myself literally nose to nose with him. Though I let out a gasp in surprise, Connor didn't move an inch. Instead, plastered on his face was his famous smirk, his blue eyes twinkling with mischief. "Is it true that ye fancy me?"_

_I swallowed, feeling my hands nervously shaking. Blinking repeatedly, I stuttered, "I…you…what?"_

_"Everyone's been sayin' it." Connor remained at his place, seemingly content with the proximity of our faces. He gave me a light shrug. "Just thought I might hear it straight from the horse's mouth."_

_My jaw suddenly dropped in an exhibition of my offence. "Are you calling me a horse?"_

_In response, Connor merely snorted and burst out laughing, his voice echoing through the establishment. He even banged a fist upon the table for effect. Though, the sour look on my face immediately disappeared as he suddenly pressed his lips upon mine without warning. I stood, frozen, not even moving my lips as he deepened the kiss. I felt Connor's fingers running through my hair, then resting upon the side of my face. Feeling something ignite within me, I tilted my head to the side, now reciprocating the kiss. I felt his tongue part my lips then slowly slide its way into my mouth. With a quiet moan, I leaned forward, placing my fingers gingerly upon the side of his smooth face. Breaking the kiss after a few moments, he rested his forehead on mine, letting out an exhale. "Seems like ye do like me." _

_Before I could reply, we heard light footsteps from the entrance of the diner. With our heads snapping up simultaneously, Connor and I perceived Murphy standing just a few meters from us, backpack slung over his shoulder. His lips were slightly parted, exhibiting his incredulity at what he had just witnessed. Clearing his throat through the awkward silence, he then piped up, "Ma wants us home, Con. She says it's urgent."_

_Nodding to his brother then turning to face me once more, Connor whispered, "We'll finish this later." After giving me a peck on the cheek, which made my cheeks even _more_ red, Connor strode happily towards his brother. Patting Murphy on the back, he then pushed the door wide open and swiftly exited the diner._

_Murphy paused for a few moments, eyeing me curiously. Then, without a word, he bolted after his brother. _

_**End Flashback**_

The sight of Murphy after all these weeks simultaneously elated and mortified me. Seeing the splatters of blood upon his face and clothes, I looked upon my saviour in wonder and fright. I had never seen this side of him, and, coupled with the surge of emotions that I was feeling, I didn't know whether I was more afraid of him or more afraid of what he would do.

"Come ta save yer whore, I see."

Finding my senses at this comment, I began to kick and push at Ciaran's body once more, feeling more bold now that Murphy was here. However, even though a gun was pointed towards him, Ciaran knew that Murphy wouldn't take the shot with me in such close proximity to him. So, pressing himself upon me once more, he simultaneously pulled me up to my feet by my hair and reached for the gun on his waistband. As I observed him pull the gun out of the holster and begin to raise it, I mustered all of my might and elbowed his arm as hard as I could. His grip immediately loosened on the weapon as he cried out in pain. As the gun hit the floor, I kicked it as hard as I could away from him. Then, I abruptly twisted my body and, using my other elbow, sent it upon his face. The vicious collision was almost enough to break his nose. In a muffled scream, he placed a hand on his face, attempting to stop the blood that began to cascade in steady rivulets down his mouth and upon his chin. As I broke away from him, though, he roughly pushed me, sending me flying across the room and right into Murphy's arms. Using this momentary distraction, he dashed towards the exit, making it through the threshold just as Murphy recovered and raised his gun to shoot.

"Shit!" I heard Murphy curse under his breath, pulling me upwards onto my two feet once more. When he saw that I had regained my balance, he merely observed me without saying a word. Placing a tender hand upon my face, he momentarily traced his fingers upon my cheeks and lips, eyes memorizing every inch of my face. Our eyes met for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality, had only been a couple of seconds. In an abrupt jerk, he released me and bolted after Ciaran. I stood, speechless, as I watched him disappear through what I now realized was a large shipping warehouse. Seeing numerous stacks of open and sealed crates and hearing boat horns roar behind me, I finally deduced that Ciaran had taken me to a pier warehouse, most likely on Dublin Bay.

Confused, I shakily picked up the gun that had rested beside a wooden chair. Cautiously stepping out of the room, I decided to follow Murphy in fear that he might get hurt. Just as I walked into the main loading area of the warehouse, I spotted the numerous corpses around me, blood splattered and flowing in rivulets around them. Gasping and feeling the regurgitating sensation in my throat, I placed my hand upon my mouth, fighting for consciousness once more. As I reached for the wall to keep my balance, I suddenly felt two hands seize me, grasping the sides of my arms. Automatically screaming and attempting to pull away, I heard a familiar, reassuring voice.

"Lourdes, stop! Shh, it's me, Connor!"

"Connor!" The lump in my throat subsided as I whirled to face him. "How…how did you find me?"

He shook his head impatiently. "We'll explain everythin' ta ye later. Right now, ye gotta come with me. We have a van out back, and I need ya ta stay in there until we're done, alright?"

To protest to his request was the last thing on my mind. Taking my arm, he stealthily led me through the dimly-lit shipping dock. Gun drawn in front of him, Connor continuously observed his surroundings, completely alert. We then zigzagged through the numerous shipping equipment and crates as quickly as we could manage. Finally catching the sight of a white van in the distance, we ran towards it as fast as we could. As we both reached the vehicle out of breath, Connor placed his hands upon my shoulders, quietly instructing, "Lourdes, stay in here and don't move, alright? Ye have a gun if ye need it. Me Da, Murph and I will…"

"No, you can't leave me here!" I cried in distress, the traumatic events that occurred just a few moments prior tainting my senses and emotions. As my entire body shook, I threw my arms around his neck in an effort to find some comfort. "Don't leave me! Please, I can't be here alone!"

Connor waged an inner battle, pursing his lips and squinting his eyes. "Ye'll be safer 'ere than with us. Trust me, Lourdes." I met his gaze as he pulled my chin upwards with the tips of his fingers. With his lips mere inches to mine, almost grazing my cheek, he whispered, "Just stay out of sight and…"

The sound of a footstep triggered something in Connor's senses. Instinctively, he pushed me behind him, head snapping up and immediately holding his gun out in front of him. As I looked up, I saw that Murphy was standing only a few paces from us, unflinching even though a barrel of a gun was pointed directly at him. That was when I instantly met his eyes. The concern and softness that I had seen in his expression just a few minutes prior had completely changed. Now plastered on his countenance was an expression that was cold, confused, and angry.

He callously pried his eyes away from mine as he stated in a monotone manner, "Ciaran's gone. Da's gone after 'im. All his cronies 'ere are dead."

Connor didn't seem to feel the tension between him and his twin, but I sensed it without even trying. As Connor placed his gun back in his holster, I stood shakily and continued to eye Murphy. He still refused to look at me. My eyes followed him as he walked over to the vehicle, making his way towards the driver's seat. Walking around the back, he finally met my eyes as I stepped towards him, crossing my arms in front of me in order to elicit some warmth. He stood stalk still as I enclosed the space between us, quietly observing him. His face was even more bloodied and dirtied, his hair mussed and clothes wrinkled. Tugging at the sleeve of my shirt, I began to gingerly wipe his face and neck, more than thankful that he was alive and before me. The coldness in his eyes somewhat subsided as I did this, but I could still see that his jaw was tight and his back was tense. Letting out a sigh and a sob, I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face upon his chest. At first, he tensed even more, not returning the embrace. When I showed no signs of letting go, I finally felt his hand trace down my spine, then resting upon the small of my back. He held me, albeit neither closely nor affectionately. Momentarily pulling away and sending him a questioning glance, he merely looked down upon me, lips tight and eyes dark.

"I still can't believe that you're here." I whispered honestly, trying to push back the hurt that I felt as a result of his unresponsiveness and distance. "H-how…how did you find me?"

"I have my ways." He answered simply, his voice having no signs of jest or mirth. He tilted his head to the side. "Look, it's getting' cold. Ye best get in the van."

By this point, Connor had jumped into the passenger's seat and had settled in. Peering out of the driver's window, he motioned towards the road. "We'd best get outta 'ere before the cops show up. Da will find 'is way home. We gotta get back before Ma begins ta worry."

Giving his brother a nod of agreement, Murphy broke his gaze, opening the sliding door for me. Without a word, I hopped inside, still staring at Murphy. Refusing to meet my eyes, he quietly hopped into the driver's seat. Taking his gloves off, he tossed them upon the dashboard then proceeded to start the engine. As Murphy stepped on the pedal, we raced towards the MacManus household in complete silence.

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**A/N: This tension's making **_**me**_** uncomfortable! What's in store for Murphy and Lourdes? Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	21. Resistance

**A/N: Happy New Year, everyone! As a present, here's another chapter for you. Thank you to Sith Happens, ivyshortcake, BelhavenOnTap, betty-boo, IrishSaints, dayamiracle and Sara for reviewing. I'm still convinced that this fic isn't one of my best, but hey. As long as you all are enjoying it, then I'll continue to write it! Expect about ten more chapters after this. There's so much more to come! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 21: Resistance**

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_**"Cannonball"**_

_**By: Damien Rice**_

_Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth  
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt  
Still a little hard to say what's going on_

_Still a little bit of your ghost your witness  
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed  
You step a little closer each day  
Still I can't say what's going on_

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannonball_

_Still a little bit of your song in my ear  
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear  
You step a little closer to me  
So close that I can't see what's going on_

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to lie  
Life taught me to die  
So it's not hard to fall  
When you float like a cannon_

_Stones taught me to fly  
Love taught me to cry  
So come on courage!  
Teach me to be shy  
'Cause it's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna scare her  
It's not hard to fall  
And I don't wanna lose  
It's not hard to grow  
When you know that you just don't know_

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I absentmindedly stared at the steam that drifted away from the mug of coffee that I had in between my hands. The MacManus household was deathly silent, save for the periodic clanking and thud of some object being moved or replaced. No one made an effort to start conversation, let alone try to speak about what had just transpired. After Ma MacManus had handed me a thick, wool blanket and the cup of coffee, she withered beside me upon the couch in fatigue, obviously drained from this entire experience. I had no doubt that she knew what Ciaran had done. From her expression, though, I could see that she was relieved and thankful that we all returned safe and sound. Her only worry now was her husband, who still did not reappear.

My eyes automatically fell upon Murphy's form as it appeared in the kitchen. He shrugged his dirtied, bloodied woolen coat off, revealing a few bumps and cuts upon his arm. Though, his expression didn't show any signs of pain whatsoever, and he went about his business unpacking a black duffel bag without attending to any of his wounds. He paused for a moment, placing both of his hands upon the counter and propping himself up with his arms. Lowering his head for a few seconds, he let out an audible exhale, lost in thought. Then, without a word, he made his way purposely out of the kitchen and bolted upstairs.

Murphy hadn't looked at me, let alone spoken with me, since the docks. Now, I was more than confused. He had come to my rescue; didn't he care about me even a_little_ bit? Why does it seem like in his absence, he had taken a vow of silence? This simultaneously angered and hurt me, but right now, Murphy's behaviour was the least of my worries. Ciaran was still out there if Mr. MacManus hasn't returned. Will I ever be safe in my own home? And what of my parents, my family? _Oh dear God, please not let him hurt my family!_

The fear that engulfed me elicited more tears. Wrapping the blanket more tightly around me, I bowed my head, allowing silent tears to cascade from my cheeks and plummet to the ground. I felt Mrs. MacManus' hand rubbing my back comfortingly. Leaning forward, she informed me, "Lourdes, when I found out what happened I had no choice but to tell yer parents everythin' about Ciaran. They went straight to the police station ta seek help and protection, and now they 'ave it. That was the safest thing that they could've done at this point. I just told 'em that yer here safe and sound. As for 'em, the _Garda_ will provide for 'em until Ciaran's caught and brought ta justice."

I gave her a thankful embrace, somewhat relieved that my parents were now under the protection of the _Garda_. Dear God, how my mother must be worried sick about me. For some reason, I just couldn't speak with her at this point; I couldn't bear it. Hearing her pain-filled voice would be my undoing. So, seeing as Mrs. MacManus had already informed her that I was safe, I decided to speak with her when I felt a little better.

"Love," Mrs. MacManus called out to me as she slowly stood, "'fraid I must get ta bed. My old body's weak and I'm more than drained." When I gave her a nod of understanding, she threw me a smile. Languidly walking towards Connor in the kitchen, she placed a hand upon her son's shoulder, then kissed him on the forehead. After sharing a few, quiet words with him, Ma then retired into her bedroom.

"Lourdes, ye hungry?" Connor's voice then called out to me, his head tilting sideways in order to meet my gaze.

"Famished." I replied simply, forcing a weak smile.

"Yer in luck, then." Scraping the legs of the wooden chair upon the floor as he stood, Connor placed some stew in a bowl, placed a spoon within, and headed towards the living room. Taking a seat beside me, he handed me the steaming bowl, a pleasant smirk appearing on his face. When I gave him a questioning look at his expression, he motioned his head towards the stew and beamed, "Made it meself."

Now, _everyone_ knew that Connor was a terrible cook; so terrible that even the hungriest of men would pass down a meal that had been concocted by him! So, as I took a first, mockingly cautious sip of the stew, I coughed jokingly. "I think I'm gonna throw up."

Connor looked genuinely stung by this. With a frown, he took the bowl from my hand and placed it upon the table. Seeing that I had severely wounded the man's ego, I pushed him playfully upon the chest, shaking my head in disbelief. "I was kiddin', you big oaf. It tastes great – so if you don't mind, I'll have my bowl back, please."

Beaming once more, he handed me back my bowl, leaning back and merely observing me eat. Feeling slightly unnerved at this, I flickered my eyes upwards, instantly meeting his gaze. "I feel like I'm behind a glass case in a zoo by the way you're watching me." As I finished, I placed the empty bowl back down upon the table. "What's so interesting?"

"Ye." Connor rested his palm on the side of his head, elbow propped upon the back of the couch. He shrugged and simply said, "Just how strong ye are."

"What?" I eyed him curiously with a smile.

"How yer handling what has happened to ye," he explained further, rolling his hand. He added with a mischievous grin, "and the fact that ye haven't once tried ta make a move on me brother yet."

_The latter part isn't hard_, I thought wryly to myself, _Murphy doesn't even want to _look_ at me, let alone _touch_ me._

Connor cleared his throat after a few moments, thinking that he had made me slightly uncomfortable. "Look, why don't ye get cleaned up? I'll be down 'ere if ye need anythin'."

Giving him a nod as we parted, I slowly walked up the stairs, heading towards the nearest washroom. As I turned the corner, Murphy came out of the washroom, wearing only a towel loosely tied around his hips. Still dripping wet, his eyes immediately flashed to my form, and I suddenly felt embarrassed. This emotion saddened me, for it made it seem as though I had no sense of familiarity when it came to Murphy, that I felt discomfort in his presence when I knew that I shouldn't. With a frown, I decided that I couldn't go through with this and began to head back towards the stairwell.

Exhaling, Murphy took a few steps after me and lightly took my arm. "Come on." He beckoned his head towards the washroom, reaching out his arm inside in order to turn on the light once more. Complying without a word, I slowly followed him inside, keeping my gaze fixated upon the ground. He closed the door behind him, immediately gathering a handful of towels from the bottom cupboard. Letting the first soak in hot water, I saw him eye me from the mirror for a brief moment.

I almost couldn't bear this awkwardness between us. Murphy was acting as though he really did think that he would never see me again. I suppose he really did expect to keep his promise of never having contact with me whatsoever. Feeling somewhat angered by this, I didn't even flinch when he lightly commanded, "Take off yer shirt."

He had said this in such a callous, indifferent manner that it only inflamed my anger. Distastefully removing the dirtied, ripped fabric from my torso, I flung it carelessly upon the ground. I didn't care that I now stood there in front of Murphy in merely my bra and jeans. It worked out quite well, for he didn't seem to care either.

Wringing the steaming towel and slightly turning off the tap, he placed the hot fabric upon the crook of my neck where Ciaran's fingers had instantly bruised me. As Murphy placed a bit of pressure upon the black and blue wound, I let out a slight hiss through clenched teeth. He didn't seem to notice this, for he said nothing and continued to firmly apply the towel upon the wound. Dabbing the wet, now dirtied, cloth upon the nape of my neck, he then slid it down my collarbone, shoulders, and finally upon my wrists. He did all of this without a word, without even so much as looking me in the eyes.

"It'll only bruise for a while." He suddenly stated in a quiet voice, observing the marks all over my body. "I'll apply some of the shit we 'ave downstairs to lessen the pain."

I actually rolled my eyes at this. Like I actually cared about the fucking bruises! Visibly annoyed, I pushed his arm away from my body. In the same tone that he had used on me, I declared, "I'll be fine. Thanks for your help."

I could tell that this wasn't the reaction that he had expected of me. Disregarding his expression, I retrieved my shirt from the ground and placed it on once more. I then pushed past him, bumping his arm harder than I had intended to. When I reached for the door handle, I saw a flash of his arm, then heard the loud thud of his hand holding the door closed. I jumped in surprise at this unexpected action, my heart beginning to race as I felt him move closer to me.

I twisted my head to face him. Murphy's eyes smouldered with so much intensity that it wholly engulfed me. His lips were curled into a slight snarl as he kept his jaw tight. Whether it was Murphy's current state, the shock of the entire situation, or a mixture of both, I felt my façade of strength waning. Pressing my back against the door, my head fell into my hands as I began to uncontrollably sob. My body shook involuntarily as I remembered once more what I had gone through that night. Death had smiled upon me – but even more than that; the people who I cared about could have died as well.

Murphy lowered his arm from the back of the door and gingerly rested it upon my waist. Gripping the side of my shirt and tugging at it, he brought me closer to him, our bodies lightly colliding. I could now feel the heat of his bare body and the warmth of his breath upon my skin as he fully wrapped his arms around me. His lips traced the side of my face before his chin rested upon my forehead. "It's been a tough day," I heard him whisper through my hair, "Ye need ta get some rest."

I nodded my head upon his broad chest before we gingerly pulled away from one another. Opening the washroom door and leading me out into the hallway, I followed Murphy straight into his bedroom. Pushing the door open, he motioned his head inside, hand still clasping the doorknob. "Ye can have me bed." As I stepped inside, he made a move to shut the door as he finished, "Sleep well."

Without another word, Murphy closed the door behind me, leaving me alone in his cold, dark room.

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**A/N: Murphy, quit it!** **Poor Lourdes. I wonder how long she'll be able to take this bloody tension? xx IFHD**


	22. Betrayal

**A/N: Hey everyone! Below is probably one of my favourite chapters. I hope you all like it as well. Thank you to those who reviewed: Sith Happens, christianlovesme, dayamiracle, BelhavenOnTap, IrishSaints, ivyshortcake and Bleeding Epiphony. I loved how some of you were moved by Murphy's, well, "asshole-like" tendencies. Maybe what follows will put an end to that.**

**P.S. Bleeding Epiphony - Thank you for your kind words. I'm happy that you're enjoying this story, and welcome to the site.**

**Enjoy, my lovelies! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 22: Betrayal**

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"_**Volcano"**_

_**By: Damien Rice**_

_Don't hold yourself like that  
You'll hurt your knees  
I kissed your mouth and back  
But that's all I need  
Don't build your world around volcanoes melt you down_

_What I am to you is not real  
What I am to you, you do not need  
What I am to you is not what you mean to me  
You give me miles and miles of mountains  
And I'll ask for the sea_

_Don't throw yourself like that  
In front of me  
I kissed your mouth your back  
Is that all you need?  
Don't drag my love around volcanoes melt me down_

_What I am to you is not real  
What I am to you, you do not need  
What I am to you is not what you mean to me  
You give me miles and miles of mountains  
And I'll ask for the sea  
Is just what I'm going through  
This is nothing new  
No no just another phase of finding what I really need  
Is what makes me bleed  
And like a new disease she's still too young to treat  
Like a distant tree  
Volcanoes melt me down  
She's still too young  
I kissed your mouth  
You do not need me_

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I tossed and turned for hours in Murphy's bed, unable to fall asleep. Even though the covers were tightly wrapped around my body, I still felt cold and uncomfortable. With a frown, I lithely traced my hand upon the empty space beside me, wondering why Murphy wasn't lying there but had freely chosen to leave me alone instead. Every moment that he behaved in such a callous and indifferent manner made my heart ache more and more. Were we now so completely estranged that he couldn't show me affection? Why couldn't he just tell me what was going on in his mind?

My head suddenly snapped up to the sound of raised voices in the room adjacent to mine – Connor's room. What piqued my curiosity was that it was Murphy's and Connor's voices, booming in unbridled upset as they exchanged a barrage of heated words. Although their shouts were muffled through the walls, I knew that this wasn't a light argument. Pulling the covers away from my body, I tiptoed out of bed, carefully pulling the door open as to make my appearance inconspicuous. Though wincing as I heard a small creak, I was certain that neither of the brothers heard this as they continued to mercilessly yell at one another. Seeing a ray of light coming from the half-opened bedroom door as I peeked my head out into the hallway, I could see the twins facing one another in a stern stand-off.

Connor raised his arm, pointing a guilty finger at his brother's chest. "Ye've been treatin' her like shit ever since ye saw her. What the fuck's wrong with ye? She's got enough ta go through without ye actin' like a fuckin' jackass!!"

I let out a light gasp. _Oh God, no, they were arguing about me!_

"Don't fuckin' play stupid with me, Con!" Murphy mimicked his brother's gesture, eyes blazing in utter rage. "I _saw_ what happened between the two o' ye at the warehouse tonight!" Murphy immediately silenced Connor's irritable questioning and boomed, "I saw how ye were holdin' an' lookin' at 'er! I_ know_ ye, Connor, and how ye are. Just admit it and cut the bullshit already, because it ain't workin' with me!"

With his hands outstretched on either side of him, Connor gave Murphy a nod of acceptance, "Look, I care about 'er as much as ye do. Why the fuck are ye so pissed off?"

"I _know_ somethin' happened between the two o' ye while I was gone – while I was riskin' my fuckin' _life_ to find the bastard!" At this point, he gave Connor a violent shove, now unable to control his rising emotions. Murphy drilled his fingers into his chest. "I can _feel_ it, Connor, and I saw it with me own eyes tonight. If ye deny it, then I'll know I have a liar for a brother."

I was certain that they could both hear my heart beating wildly within my chest throughout the dead silence that followed. I could barely breathe and, as I began to hyperventilate, could only manage shallow gasps of air in order to keep from fainting. I placed my hand upon my mouth in order to quell oncoming tears as I observed the brothers merely eyeing one another, now at a standstill. Now, everything became clear. _Jealousy_ was the explanation for Murphy's behaviour.

Connor was the first to break the stare. In defeat, his gaze faltered to the floor. He reasoned lightly, "Look, Murph, she was confused and drunk. What ye told her and then how ye just left…she wasn't thinkin' or actin' straight, alright?"

In a move that made me gasp out loud, Murphy abruptly took Connor by the collar and forcibly pinned him upon the wall. Connor merely took the rough impact, tightening his jaw as he met his brother's orbs, a fire now ablaze within them. "I _told_ ye ta fuckin' stay away from her! She doesn't need either of us in her life, Con! And how the _fuck_ did ye expect ta protect her by _fuckin'_ her, huh?" Murphy tightened his grip upon Connor's shirt, the pain in his eyes now evident, more than ever. As his knuckles began to turn white at the pressure, he cried in a half-sob, "Yer my fuckin' _brother_! How could ye even _think_ of…"

"I didn't fuck her, alright?" In retaliation, Connor shoved his brother away from his form. He cried exasperatedly, "Shit, Murphy! I know ye have feelings for her. I wouldn't do that ta ye!" Connor ruffled his already mussed hair, then ran a hand down his face. "We both had a lot ta drink that night, and…"

"And ye thought that would justify what ye did?"

Murphy's unending barrage about that one night was enough to make Connor lose is patience. Now, it was Connor's turn to become heated as he shouted at the top of his lungs, "And what was yer fuckin' excuse for usin' her ta get ta Ciaran? Hmm? Ye could've easily just found Ciaran on yer own without usin' her, without bringing her into all of this!" Throughout his speech, Connor repeatedly pushed at Murphy's chest, sending him pacing backwards. "She was a friend. But ye _used_ her, Murphy! Ye played with her fuckin' feelings!"

This last statement sent Murphy over the edge. In a little short of a roar, he swung his fist at Connor. He still caught a bit of Connor's jaw, but Connor's quick reflexes enabled him to move his face back to lessen the impact. Gritting his teeth in uncaged rage, Connor swung at Murphy as well, though completely missed as he lithely ducked. At this point, I finally managed to gather my wits about me and bolt out of the room as quickly as I could, screaming for the two of them to stop. Primal rage had engulfed the two men entirely that they barely heeded my cries. Having no care what would happen to me, I finally managed to pull Murphy away from Connor, tugging with all of my might on his arm and waist. As he attempted to shrug me off of him, the force of the turn of his body sent me straight to the ground. I braced myself for the impact, luckily having enough time to hold my arms out for support. With a thud, I felt pain wash over me once more, my healing injuries irritated. The brawl suddenly halted at this point, and as I looked up through my disheveled hair, I could see the two of them identically gazing down upon me in silent shock. Breathing heavily, Murphy crouched down in front of me with a gulp, still speechless. As he reached for my face, I immediately slapped his arm away with a whimper. Pulling myself up, I bit my bottom lip in order to stop my sobbing. Then, without warning, I stood and raced down the stairs two at a time, wanting nothing more than to escape from that bloody room.

I didn't heed any of their calls. Running through the house, I made a beeline for the front door. Blinking away the tears that recklessly cascaded from my eyes, I swung the door wide open, not caring to wear a coat or shoes. I just needed to get away.

In my confusion, I paid no attention to my surroundings. Just as I reached the road, blinding lights suddenly appeared out of nowhere. The coming horns and screeching tires sounded faint in my head as I turned to my left towards the oncoming vehicle. My nerves in shock, I was truly a deer caught in headlights, finding that I couldn't move any part of my body. With a sob, I merely closed my eyes and braced for the impact.

All of a sudden, I felt myself being roughly pushed, snapping my head back at the force. As my head hit the sidewalk and my body skidded upon the dirty pavement, I heard a loud thump, followed by the windshield breaking. The screeching tires stopped, and suddenly, everything was quiet and still. When I managed to push myself up with a grunt, what I saw before me was what seemed like a lifeless body. Gasping in shock, I fought the pain that coursed through my body and my swirling head as I crawled over towards the cloaked figure. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I finally recognized who the figure was.

Mr. MacManus.

"Help!" I shrieked as loudly as I could, looking around for any soul in sight. As I felt my body becoming numb and losing consciousness, I tried once more, "Somebody, help!"

"Oh, dear God, dear God!" The woman in the driver's seat appeared from her vehicle, visibly distressed and shaking. She seemed to be at the end of her wits, now using her hood for support as she observed the accident. "I'm sorry, I didn't see…"

"Phone…" I began to say, the weakness of my body exhibited in my voice. "Do you have…"

"Lourdes!" Murphy's echoed cries seemed so far in the distance. Swallowing, I twisted my head towards the sound of his voice, seeing his running figure through bleary vision. Skidding to a stop, he immediately crouched to my side, holding my face up as he observed me. With waning strength, I placed my hand upon Mr. MacManus' shoulder. As Murphy broke his gaze, his tear-filled eyes followed my gesture and finally landed upon his father. With a sob, he tightly closed his eyes as he rested his hand on his father's chest. Then, turning towards his house, he yelled at the top of his lungs, "Connor! Connor!"

I couldn't hold myself up any longer and fell to my side. As I rested my head on the cool pavement, I could only see flashes of images now. Connor appeared after a few moments, even more distressed than his brother, and Ma MacManus curiously stepped out onto the porch, still oblivious as to what had occurred.

"Call a fucking ambulance!" Murphy turned towards Connor and the woman alternately. "For God's sake, call an ambulance!"

"Da? Lourdes?" Connor knelt beside his brother, helplessness plastered upon his countenance. He yelled towards the house, "Ma, call an ambulance_ now_!" Through the wailings of the female driver, Connor assessed the state of his father, who continued to lie still below the pieces of sharded glass. Placing two shaking fingers upon his neck, Connor declared through tight lips, "He still has a pulse, but it's weak. We need to get 'im outta here and get some help!"

I couldn't make out the rest of their conversation as my vision became even more blurred and only muteness pervaded my hearing. I attempted to blink the mist from my eyes and see Murphy more clearly, but I found that I could only see doubles of him or none at all. "Yer gonna be alright, Lourdes." His lips read as he placed a hand upon my face. He repeated this once more before he lightly placed his forehead upon mine. I tried to grasp his hand, but I couldn't feel a thing. The fear of death suddenly gripped me, and I desperately held onto him, bringing my body closer to his for comfort and warmth.

As though God had given me my hearing once more, I suddenly heard the sound of sirens pierce the night sky. I had no idea how much time had elapsed and what the state of Mr. MacManus was, but I hoped to God that they weren't too late. To add to my distress, I began to believe that this was all my fault, as though it was divine punishment for something that I had done. I closed my eyes, hoping that this was all some nightmare.

But it wasn't.

"Miss, ye have ta let go." A thick Northern Irish brogue suddenly startled me. I couldn't make out any of the figures around me, but I did realize that I was still clinging onto Murphy for dear life. When I still refused to let go, I heard the voice once more, now directed to Murphy, "Sir, ye gotta let 'er go. We can't go trew dis procedure wid 'er stuck to ye like dis."

"I have ta go with her." Murphy firmly stated, though reluctantly releasing me. "Please."

As I felt two pairs of arms load me gently upon a stretcher, I heard, "I'm sorry, sir, dere's no room for ye in da…"

By this time, Murphy had lost all of his patience. He stated firmly, almost roaring, "But I'm her _husband_!" Through the dead silence that followed his declaration, Murphy managed to retain a bit of his composure. Lowering his voice, he calmly reasoned, "Please, sir. Ye have ta let me go with me wife. I can't leave her."

As I faintly felt Murphy's fingers entwine with mine, I lost all consciousness.

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**A/N: I had very mixed feelings after I wrote this chapter. What do you guys think? xx IFHD**


	23. Regrets

**A/N: Thank you for the awesome responses last chapter. I'm glad you all enjoyed one of my fave chapters. Thanks to dayamiracle, BelhavenOnTap, christianlovesme, IrishSaints, Sith Happens, ivyshortcake, Bleeding Epiphony, betty-boo, penscratch, Saarah and Jade Opal for reviewing. I'm getting busier by the minute with work, school, and preparing to live & work in Dublin, but I will update as much as possible. Enjoy this next one! xx IFHD**

**P.S. If you haven't already, check out my two oneshots, "Into the Dark" and "Till Death Do Us Part". Cheers!**

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**Chapter 23: Regrets**

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"_**One Man Drinking Games"**_

_**By: Mayday Parade**_

_And I thought it would be funny to keep you hanging in suspense  
Then I'd run over to your house and I'd scale the chainlink fence  
That borders your backyard and then I'd climb through your window  
And I'd whisper that I love you as you fall out of your clothes  
And we'd lay there in the darkness like this dream of you I had  
Where we captured all the fireflies and knew what time we had  
Could be counted on our fingertips and that almost made you cry  
But you let me hold you tightly as we said all our goodbyes  
May I say I loved you more  
And it I and hour that I clutched you in my arms  
And I must have said the right things because you instantly felt warm  
And you heard my heart stop beating and you wanted not to cry  
As your sympathetic whispers they told a tale of bad goodbyes  
And you swore you saw me laughing and I swore I saw you smile  
As the time we've spent together was meant to last us quite a while  
As I take this piece of you with me I'll carry to my grave  
And knowing that for someone you're an angel sent to save  
(Keep breathing my angel, if you go down I go with you)_

_(Keep breathing, just keep breathing)  
May I say I loved you more  
So let's drink to memories we shared  
Down one for all the hopes and cares  
Here's too for being unaware that you're gone  
Because before too long you'll be a memory_

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The faint beeping of a heart monitor greeted me when I regained consciousness. _I'm alive_. _How the hell am I…_ Feeling sharp, stabbing pains course throughout my body, I let out a low hiss, keeping my eyes closed tightly. Rationally, I told myself that I was safe in a hospital bed, slowly recovering from my ordeals. Though, as I laid upon the uneven pavement before I had lost all consciousness, holding onto Murphy for dear life, I was ready to accept the fact that I was going to die. Regardless of all of my fears, I told myself to prepare for that fact, to cherish my last moments on earth. When everything had turned black, I thought it was all over.

But by some miracle, it wasn't.

I could hear faint footsteps and muffled voices around me, but other than that, the room was completely serene, as quiet as death itself. It was unnerving, and I felt a slight rush of panic. The piercing light seemed to burn my eyes as I slowly began to open them. Letting out a groan, I turned my head to the side, now feeling an uncomfortable pressure at the back of my head. The numbness in my body seemed to have subsided, and I could now feel bandages and needles all over my body. Exhaling as I tried to grit my teeth and bear the throbbing pains, I then concentrated on retaining my clear vision, pupils finally adjusting to the light.

"Hey."

My eyes fluttered upwards, following the sound of Murphy's delicate voice. Seeing the tender expression that emanated from his countenance, I felt my heart skip a beat as though a defibrillator had just sent shockwaves through my chest. Lovingly tracing the side of my face with the back of his long fingers, his longing gaze travelled around my face, finally resting upon my eyes. I momentarily cherished his touch, my face automatically drawn to it. I weakly replied with a small smile, "Hey, stranger."

He shifted closer to my form, leaning forward so that he now hovered over me. "How ye feelin'?"

"Like I can run a fuckin' marathon. Twice." I said lightly with a scoff, earning a small laugh and smile from him. Vividly remembering exactly how I found myself upon this hospital bed, I then lost my will to joke, frowning as I questioned, "How's your father?"

The smile that I had just elicited upon Murphy's countenance instantly disappeared, now replaced by a paled expression. Breaking his stare, he twisted his head to the side, eyes now fixated upon the tiled floor. I wrapped my fingers around his, afraid of his response. A few moments later, he whispered almost inaudibly, "He's in a coma. The doctors don't know when – or if – he'll get outta it."

"Oh God." I croaked out, squeezing his hand even more tightly as my breaths became shallow. "W-what are the doctors doing for him? Has there been any change? W-hat about…" I continuously shook my head, being overcome by emotion as I thought about the outcome of the situation. The guilt that I felt stabbed me repeatedly in the heart; I wished that I could alleviate the situation, that I could somehow turn back time. _If only I hadn't run out of the house like a fuckin' maniac. If only I had minded my own business to begin with…_

"It's not yer fault." As if reading the thoughts that recklessly collided within my head, Murphy's expression softened, eyes squinting in compassion. I could see that his eyes were mist-filled, tears threatening to form and cascade down his cheeks. Bowing his head upon the crook of my neck, he stated, "It's my fault. This is all my fault."

"Murphy…"

"It is!" His head snapped back up, raw emotion now emanating from his form. "If I hadn't fucked with ye in the beginning and if I had just left ye outta this…" He shook his head, burying his face upon my stomach. "I'm so sorry. Fuck, Lourdes. If ye only knew how badly I want ta take everythin' back..."

With silent tears falling down my face in steady rivulets, I took my free hand and ran it through his hair, then began to lovingly rub his back. Murphy's whole body was shaking as nerves overtook him. I faintly heard him mumble curses, his breathing becoming erratic and abnormal. After a few moments, he lifted his head once more, though not facing me. The expression in his eyes was one of firm resolve and pure determination. His eyes sliding upon me, he proclaimed with a stiffened jaw, "I'm gonna make this right, Lourdes. I promise ye."

It was then that he curtly pulled away from me and stood, stalking over to a nearby chair where his coat hung. Feeling another rush of panic, I questioned, "Murphy, what are you doing? Where are you going?" Following his form through the room, I immediately feared that he was going to do something rash, something stupid. He didn't reply and merely continued gathering all of his belongings in his arms. Shifting upon my bed to see him more clearly, I began more sternly, "Murphy,_answer_ me!"

By this point, he had all of his belongings in hand. Stalking towards the door, he slowly turned to face me. With a tightened jaw, he stated, "Don't worry about what I'm gonna do, Lourdes. Worry about gettin' better."

And with that, he bolted from my room.

"Murphy!" I now screamed in a maniacal manner, pulling at the tubes that were attached to my body. "Murphy, no!"

I had no idea where the adrenaline from my body came from. It was as though my strength was instantly renewed, enabling me to pull all of the tubes and cords from my body. Ripping off the heart sensors, feeding tube, and the ties that kept me still upon the bed, I forced myself up with a grunt, using my pillow as a prop. Crying out as I began to bend my knees and back, I rolled from the bed, making it over the metal bars upon its sides. With a thud, I landed roughly upon the ground, first bending my knees for the impact and slightly rolling to my side as I hit the tiled floor. Feeling the wind almost knocked out of me, I continually gasped for air, fighting with myself to stay conscious. I disregarded the protests of my aching body and the blood from my reopened wounds now seeping through my hospital gown. Half crawling towards the door, not for one moment did I hesitate to follow Murphy and persist on stopping whatever he planned to do. Though, my plans were immediately foiled as I reached the door.

"Jaysus Christ, Lourdes!" Connor exclaimed, distress now plastered on his countenance. As he crouched down beside me, he tried to take my arms and carry me. "What the fuck happened?"

I resisted his aid, firmly shaking my head. "Murphy…Murphy ran off." I swallowed, my throat parched and hurting, "He said it was his fault that all this happened and that he was gonna go and make things right. I'm worried, Connor…I'm worried he's gonna go and do something dangerous and stupid…"

"He said he was only gonna get something ta eat." Connor shut his eyes, running his fingers through his spiked hair. "Jaysus…"

I placed my hand upon his shoulder for support, eyeing him sternly. "You _have_ to go after him, Connor. Please!"

Placing his hand on my arm, he gave me a curt nod of acquiesce. "What the fuck does he expect ta do when we don't even know what happened to Ciaran? We don't even know if he's _alive_." With ablaze, steel-blue eyes, he blurted, "Our Da's in a coma, Lourdes. He fell into one right after he got hit."

"I know, Connor." I placed the palm of my hand upon the side of his face in comfort. "I'm sorry that I'm asking you to leave your Da and Ma right now, but Murphy…"

He nodded in complete understanding. "I know, and I'll go…" He slowly lifted me up in his arms, then carefully placed me upon my bed once more. "But ye can't think that ye can possibly stop him in yer state. Stay here, get better, and I'll go find Murphy, alright?"

I weakly protested, "But I want to go stay with your Ma, and…"

"Ye'll see her soon enough, I promise." He lightly kissed my forehead as he took my hand in his. "But the last thing we all need is ta worry about ye getting' hurt again. Ye'll do more harm than good if ye leave…"

Suddenly, the tender, worried expression that Connor wore completely disappeared. As I sent him a questioning look, his face turned pale, eyes growing wide at an apparent realization. Placing his hand upon his forehead, he finally managed to find his voice. "…Fuck."

"Connor, you're scaring me." I replied truthfully, gaze concentrated on his countenance as I clung onto his shirt. "What is it?"

Swallowing, Connor's eyes focused on my form once more. "He's not gonna go after Ciaran."

I furrowed my brows in confusion, squinting. "What?"

"He's gonna go after the entire mob."

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**A/N: Jaysus. Murphy doesn't stop, does he? Do I have the heart to hurt him? You'll just have to wait and find out. xx IFHD**


	24. Recovery

**A/N: First of all, thank you for your patience! I really do try and update asap, but now that the holidays are over, I'm back on the grind. Hope you all like this next chapter, though! Thank you to ivyshortcake, Sith Happens, dayamiracle, BelhavenOnTap, penscratch, Bleeding Epiphony, betty-boo, IrishSaints and meggo for reviewing. Love all your support! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 24: Recovery**

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"_**Wait For You"**_

_**By: Elliot Yamin**_

_I never felt nothing in the world like this before  
Now I'm missing you  
& I'm wishing that you would come back through my door  
Why did you have to go? You could have let me know  
So now I'm all alone,  
Girl you could have stayed  
but you wouldn't give me a chance  
With you not around it's a little bit more then I can stand  
And all my tears they keep running down my face  
Why did you turn away?_

_So why does your pride make you run and hide?  
Are you that afraid of me?  
But I know it's a lie what you keep inside  
This is not how you want it to be  
_

_So baby I will wait for you  
Cause I don't know what else I can do  
Don't tell me I ran out of time  
If it takes the rest of my life_

_Baby I will wait for you  
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you_

_It's been a long time since you called me  
(How could you forget about me)  
You got me feeling crazy (crazy)  
How can you walk away,  
Everything stays the same  
I just can't do it baby  
What will it take to make you come back  
Girl I told you what it is & it just ain't like that  
Why can't you look at me, your still in love with me  
Don't leave me crying._

_Baby why can't we just start over again  
Get it back to the way it was  
If you give me a chance I can love you right  
But your telling me it wont be enough  
_

_Baby I will wait for you  
Baby I will wait for you  
If it's the last thing I do_

_Baby I will wait for you  
Cause I don't know what else I can do  
Don't tell me I ran out of time  
If it takes the rest of my life_

_Baby I will wait for you  
If you think I'm fine it just ain't true  
I really need you in my life  
No matter what I have to do I'll wait for you_

_I'll Be Waiting._

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_**Flashback**_

_I couldn't help but just quietly watch Murphy as he absentmindedly strummed his guitar. Ever since he had saved enough money and was able to afford that guitar, he was rarely able to put it down. He took so much pride in that single instrument, as though it were a testament – or a trophy – of what he had accomplished all by himself. I smiled to myself, feeling proud of the kind of young man he was turning out to be._

_"I feel like I'm in a zoo with ye starin' at me like that." The strumming stopped, and Murphy placed his guitar beside him on the bed. "Waitin' for me ta do a trick or somethin'?"_

_"Aye. I want you to somethin' that would be worth my time and money." I teased, sitting on the foot of his bed. When he only looked at me curiously, I lifted a brow in expectancy. "Well? Let's have it!"_

_Biting his bottom lip, he slowly leaned forward, eyes fully connecting with mine. He stopped moving just as his lips were mere inches from my own, momentarily hesitating. "Look, I know ye like me brother and all…"_

_I surprised even myself when I silenced him with a kiss. Taking the collar of his shirt, I pulled him even closer to me, deepening the kiss and exhibiting the skills that _he _had taught me in the first place. Letting out a whimper as his arm slithered around my waist, he slowly laid me down, placing a leg in between mine. "I knew I liked ye when we first kissed at the treehouse, but," he whispered hoarsely, breaking the kiss in order to nibble down my neck, "when I saw ye kiss Connor and felt jealous, I knew that I _really_ liked ye."_

_"You liked me all of those months ago?" I whispered in response, closing my eyes as I reveled in the feeling of his lips on my skin. _

_"A lot." He admitted, kissing my mouth once more. "I just didn't know how ta tell ye."_

_I gave him a tender smile. "Oh, Murphy..."_

_"Murphy MacManus, get up this instant!"_

_Mrs. MacManus' booming voice startled both of us that we simultaneously leapt off the bed. Now standing beside the bed, I clung onto Murphy in both fright and embarrassment as I saw my own mother standing in the doorway right behind Mrs. MacManus, her mouth opened wide in incredulity. Feeling as though my heart was about to jump from my chest, I let out a gasp as Murphy was pried from my grasp. Pulling Murphy by the ear, Mrs. MacManus clucked her tongue in reprimand, turning her attention towards my mother. "Lita, ye see what I mean about disciplinin' me boys? I can't control 'em anymore, for Christ's sake! This one practically _jumped_ on yer daughter!"_

_"Maybe it's not yer boys that need the disciplinin', Annabelle." My mother said curtly, eyes blazing upon me as she stalked to my side. I automatically recoiled, taking a few paces back and even thinking of dashing after Murphy. _

_"Ow!" Murphy cried as he repeatedly attempted to twist from his mother's grasp. "Ma, what's wrong with likin' Lourdes?"_

_"Ye two are _not_ old enough for this, ye hear?" My mother scolded with a wag of her finger, finally able to take me by the arm. I whimpered, trying to quell the tears that were forming in my eyes._

_"Hey," Murphy began lightly, shrugging, "she's gotta have kids sooner or later."_

_As Mrs. MacManus and my mother looked at him with daggers in their eyes, Murphy finally managed to escape with a gleeful laugh, fleeing the room as quickly as he could._

_**End Flashback**_

Throughout the three days that I spent in the hospital recovering, I must have spent half the time crying. It was not only worry and rage that pervaded my emotions – it was the complete helplessness when it came to trying to dissuade Murphy from doing anything bold and stupid. I felt chained to my hospital bed; dead weight; useless even if I tried to alleviate the situation. I had not seen neither Murphy nor Connor for two days, and I still haven't seen Mr. MacManus at all. When Ma MacManus visited me on my first night at the hospital, she looked weary, drained. We didn't say a word to one another and merely embraced, feeling the heavy toll of the situation and the possibility of a bleak future ahead. Mr. MacManus, she said, was showing a little bit of progress, and that there was a good chance that he would wake anytime soon. But little did she know about what Murphy was planning on doing – what her two sons would be up against. Thinking that now would not be the time to burden her with more negative news, I kept silent, speaking instead about her husband's progress and any other subject unrelated to what had transpired.

I finally saw my parents during the afternoon of my second day at the hospital. Escorted by a_ Garda_, they shed tears of relief as they held me protectively in their arms. Explaining what had transpired with as minimal detail as possible, I finally managed to convince them that I was going to be alright. More concerned for their safety, I instructed them to stay with the _Garda_ and seek their protection until the case had been solved and cleared. They stayed only for the night, but promised to visit me as often as they could – or were permitted to.

On the third day, I was set to be released from the hospital. Alone and impatiently waiting for my nurse to appear, I sat straight upon my bed, fully reinvigorated and more than prepared to quell any of Murphy's rash actions. Apprehensive about the entire situation, I decided to just go straight to the front office and just check myself out. Though, just as I stood, the nurse came in through the doorway, with pen and clipboard in hand.

"Mrs. MacManus?" She lightly called out as she met my expectant gaze, completely catching me off guard.

Dumbfounded, I blinked a few times in order to register what she had just said. "What?"

"Mrs. MacManus?" She gave me a curious look before flipping through the papers on her clipboard. "Lourdes MacManus?"

"Oh, aye!" I quickly recovered, limping off of my seat and dashing towards her with haste. I let out an uneasy laugh as I scribbled a fake signature on all of the bloody dotted lines. I blurted out, "Forgive me, I had a bad knock to my head and forgot my own name."

Not knowing whether to laugh or take me seriously, the nurse merely gave me a nod, handing me a bag with my belongings. Disregarding her instructions, I nodded in mock understanding and asked where Mr. MacManus' room was. Right as she said the room number, I lightly pushed past her with a smile and moved as quickly as my body would let me towards the room.

When I spotted Mrs. MacManus dozing off on a chair right beside her husband's bed, I tiptoed into the room, making sure that I wouldn't wake her. Taking the book that she grasped in her hand, I grabbed a nearby blanket, wrapping it around her tiny body. She only shifted a little bit through this, but remained asleep. Smiling, I gave her a kiss on the forehead, then turned my attention to her husband.

My heart immediately became heavy at the sight of him. Clothed in the same hospital gown as I had been, the covers were placed right below his chest, where several heart monitors extended from. Taking the pale, wrinkled hand of my saviour, I bowed my head in silent reverence, not knowing what to say or how to act. Trying to swallow the lump in my throat, I just began to talk to him as though he were awake: "I'm really sorry, Mr. MacManus. You shouldn't have done what you did, you know?" I had to force back my tears, biting my bottom lip in order to continue, "Your wife and boys need you, sir. Please…if you can hear me…" By this point, I half expected him to wake. When all I could hear after a few minutes was the incessant beeping of the heart monitor, I finally released his hand. Lowering my head, I made my way over to the window, taking a look at the rising sun. It was so mockingly beautiful that I was angered; bitter that God was capable of making something so beautiful and yet was also capable of allowing things like this to happen to people.

A sudden movement behind me caught my attention. Alarmed at first, I swirled around, half expecting to defend myself. Though, I quickly realized that the movement came from Mr. MacManus' bed. With wide eyes, I gasped as his fingers began to twitch, followed by some movement of his legs. Placing a hand over my hand to somewhat stifle my delighted scream, I managed to startle Mrs. MacManus awake, almost sending her to the floor. Rushing to her side, I helped her to stand steadily on her feet, motioning towards her husband. "He moved!" I squealed, now beaming from ear to ear. "Mrs. MacManus, he's_ awake_!"

As if on cue, Mr. MacManus groaned and shifted in his bed. With a cry, Ma bent over the bed, observing her husband from head to toe as she took his hands in hers. Feeling the grip of his hand, she smiled through her tears, repeatedly kissing her husband's face. With a gleeful laugh, I slid to the doorway, calling for any nearby nurse. "He's awake! Mr. MacManus is awake!"

The hallway began to bustle at the news as a doctor and two nurses hurried down the long corridor. As I twisted my head back to see how the MacManuses were doing, I saw that Mr. MacManus was now fully awake, looking rightly confused as he began to pull off the heart monitors and feeding tube one by one. I couldn't help but laugh at his annoyed expression, rightly seeing where Murphy's stubbornness came from…

…Murphy!

With the smile completely erased from my face, I took a few steps back to let the rushing doctor and nurses inside. Mrs. MacManus came to my side, taking my hand in hers, as tears of joy streamed down her cheeks. "We have to tell the boys!"

Those words slapped some sense into me. Rummaging through my bag of belongings for my mobile, I quickly flipped it open, dialing Murphy's number. I frowned as it continued to ring numerous times without answer. After a few moments, I finally settled with leaving him a message. Next, when dialing Connor's mobile, I was also left with a barrage of rings and also had to settle with leaving a message. As I flipped my phone closed, I tried not to let my worry emanate through my countenance. Giving Mrs. MacManus a forced smile, I blurted out, "Must be bad reception in here. I'll go outside and try again."

"Wait, Lourdes." When I turned to look at Mrs. MacManus, I saw that her expression was that of complete wonder. Motioning her head towards her husband's bed, she informed me, "He's callin' for ye."

I turned my entire body to face Mr. MacManus. The doctor and nurses parted as he beckoned for me to come closer. Feeling elated that his motor skills seemed to be in good shape, I walked briskly to his side, waiting to see if he was going to speak to me. For the rest of my life, I would never, ever forget the first words that came out of his mouth:

"Ciaran is dead."

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**A/N: Finally, some good news, eh? Now...will **_**someone**_** prevent Murphy from getting himself killed? haha xx IFHD**


	25. Relief

**A/N: You know who's awesome? Yes, YOU! Thank you to those who read and reviewed. I'm getting busier by the moment, but I wanted to sneak in a post before school, volunteer and work fully trap me in their claws. Cross your fingers that I get a break and can post post-haste! haha xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 25: Relief**

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"_**We Belong Together"**_

_**By: Gavin DeGraw**_

_We belong together  
like the open seas and shores  
wedded by the planet force  
we've all been spoken for_

_The hammer may strike, be dead on the ground.  
a net to my hand, a cross on his crown.  
we're done if, who we're undone,  
finished if who we are incomplete.  
as one we are everything,  
we are everything we need.  
_

_We belong together  
like the open seas and shores  
wedded by the planet force  
we've all been spoken for_

_What good is a life, with no one to share,  
the light of the moon, the honor of a swear.  
we can try to live the way in which you speak,  
taste the milk of your mother earth's love,  
spread the word of consciousness you see,  
we are everything we need_

_All this indecision  
all this independent strength  
still  
we've got our hearts on safe  
we've got our hearts on safe_

_Someday when you're lonely,  
sometime after all this bliss,  
somewhere lost in emptiness,  
I hope you find this gift  
I hope you find this gift  
I hope you find this gift._

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The flood of relief that rushed through my body was indescribable. I was completely at a loss for words. At this revelation, I felt even more lightheaded as more tears freely streamed down the sides of my cheeks. I was so thankful that I even began to embrace Mr. MacManus, wholly disregarding the shouts and protests of the surrounding doctor and nurses. Releasing him after a few glorious moments and holding my hands up in gleeful surrender, Mr. MacManus only reacted by letting out a loud guffaw, his mirthful laugh colouring the already loud and bustling room.

Ding fucking dong, Ciaran was dead! The emotions that pervaded my thoughts and heart were more than mixed. I never thought that I would be _happy_ to hear that someone was _dead_ – but then again, this case was quite special. Not allowing myself to feel any guilt regarding Ciaran's death, I continuously reminded myself what kind of man he was and what awful things he must have done to earn him a place on the MacManus hitlist. _If I had the opportunity to do so, I may have just killed him myself…_ Visibly shaking my head, I decided to push this matter aside and let it rest in peace. The case was closed, and Mr. MacManus' recovery was all that mattered now; a joyous event to celebrate, for once!

As my heart was bursting with happiness and relief, I immediately resolved to find the twins as soon as possible. With a hasty farewell to the MacManuses, I bolted out of the hospital as quickly as I could manage without hurting myself even more and, indeed, not hurting others along the way! Flailing my arms wildly in the air as soon as I exited the swivel doors, I attempted to hail for any cab in sight. _I must look like a bloody lunatic!_ Literally stopping traffic and surviving a barrage of honks and yells, I hopped into the nearest cab, finally able to catch my breath and slow my erratically beating heart. With a wheeze, I told the driver to race as fast as he could towards the MacManus home, the first place where I would begin my search. Disregarding the curious glance that he shot me from the rearview mirror, I merely rummaged through my bag for any type of payment. Beaming as I finally managed to find my wallet, I looked up just in time to see him ascend the MacManus driveway.

"Thank you!" I squeaked as I handed him a crumpled 10 Euro bill, pushing the door wide open as he nodded to me in gratitude. Seeing nobody in sight, I immediately raced towards the front door. Almost tripping and sprawling on their porch in my clumsy haste, I repeatedly rang the doorbell, now even more than impatient. When I received no answer after a few moments, I continuously banged on the door with all of my might, gritting my teeth in utter annoyance. If the twins weren't home, then there was no way for me to know where the hell they were at the moment or where they would be headed afterwards. Then, just when I was about to kick the bloody green door out of spite, it suddenly swung open without warning, revealing a distraught Connor. As he expertly evaded my misplaced kick, his eyes only grew wide at the sight of me. Quickly ushering me inside with a mumbled curse, he took a cursory glance behind me, then shut the door closed.

"What the fuck are ye doin' outta the hospital?" He chided as a father would his naughty daughter. Even pointing a finger at my nose to exhibit his point, he lightly scolded, "I thought I told ye ta stay in there and…"

"Your father's awake!" I quickly blurted out, placing a finger on his thin lips to finally shut him up. "He's well and he's awake. The doctors and nurses are probably going to do some tests on him, but he will be fine." I found that I had to briefly pause at this point. Finally catching my breath and closing my eyes, I finished firmly, "And Ciaran's dead."

"Oh, thank God!" The complete relief that passed upon Connor's rugged face made me smile. He placed his hand on his forehead, then proceeded to plop down on the nearby couch with another long exhale. "Thank God."

I eyed him expectantly, then took a languid glance around the room for any sign of Murphy. "Well?" Aren't you gonna go see him and celebrate with your mother?"

Connor remained silent. The hesitation in his expression immediately told me that something was bothering him. Crouching down in front of him, I suspiciously inquired with furrowed brows and squinted eyes, "What is it? What's wrong?"

The Irishman suddenly seemed uneasy. Fidgeting in his seat, he replied in a quiet voice, "Murph's…er…recoverin' upstairs." He rubbed the nape of his neck with a shrug. "I don't wanna leave 'im on his own ta…"

I abruptly stood, somewhat startling him, as I felt a rush of emotions course throughout my body. In sheer incredulity, I repeated sternly, "Recovering?!"

_**Flashback**_

_**Two days prior…**_

_Connor stealthily entered the spacious MacManus house basement. With his arrival unnoticed, he immediately perceived, a few meters from him, Murphy hastily filling a black duffel bag with several weapons and ammunition. As he finished gathering what seemed to be most of his belongings, Murphy placed his hands upon the wooden table, surveying what was left in front of him. After a few moments, he pursed his lips in thought as he grasped and held up some thick, black rope. Then, with a dismissive shrug and tilt of the head, he tossed it mindlessly behind his shoulder, where it landed with a light thud right in front of Connor's feet. Feeling the rage boil inside him even more, Connor bent over to pick up the rope, then swiftly proceeded to mercilessly hit his twin upside the head with it._

_"Jaysus fuckin' Christ!" Murphy exclaimed with a jump, almost knocking the duffel bag over with his flailing arm as he whirled to face his brother. Scrunching his face in an exhibition of annoyance, he snarled, "The fuck's yer problem?"_

_"First o' all, ye fuckin' need this." Connor began through clenched teeth, shoving the rope purposefully into the duffel bag then zipping it closed. Pointing a stern finger at his brother's nose, he continued, "Second, what the fuck do ye think yer doin'? Are ye fuckin' insane, tryin' ta go after all the bastards by yerself? Yer not fuckin' Rambo, as much as ye'd like ta believe it."_

_"Yer not Charlie Bronson either, ye wannabe. What's yer point?" Murphy retorted with a scoff, merely tilting his head to the side in complete dismissal. He then proceeded to collect everything that he had meticulously prepared. "Well, we still don't know where the fuck Ciaran is. Might as well take out all 'is men in the meantime."_

_Connor gave his twin a rough shove upon the chest. "Ye've lost yer fuckin' mind thinkin' ye can do this on yer own." Pausing to calm his rising emotions, Connor's orbs eyed his brother's alternately as he exhaled, "By the look o' ye, nothin's gonna stop ye from doin' this…"_

_"Nope."_

_Taking the duffel bag in his hand, Connor reasoned, "Alright, Murph. This is yer hit. But at least let me come with ye."_

_Murphy flashed him a side smirk, obviously pleased by this. Tossing his twin a loaded pistol, he remarked, "What are brothers for?"_

_**End Flashback**_

"…When we got there, everythin' went according ta plan. Murph had the map o' the place, knew where the men were and everythin'. But what he didn't account for was exactly _how_ many men were goin' ta be there that night." Connor let out a deep sigh, running his fingers irritably through his spiked hair as he continued to reminisce. "We were unsurprisingly outnumbered. Even though I tried ta stop 'im, Murph, the idiot, still went through with it. He had guns all o'er 'im, but there were just too many o' 'em. God must've decided ta give us a break, because none o' the ones we encountered were armed. Thankfully Murph only got the shit kicked outta 'im rather than his brains blown from 'is 'ead." He gave a light shrug. "Just our luck that Ciaran's cronies were unarmed at the time we ambushed 'em. If they were, well…I don't think either of us would be 'ere right now."

"Where is he?" I sternly demanded, visibly fuming at this revelation. Although I expected Murphy to do something brash, I was still angered by the fact that he had actually followed through with it – and even allowed his brother to go along for the ride! When Connor unsurely motioned his head towards the stairs, I steadfastly declared, "Your parents need you. Go to the hospital. I'll stay here with Murphy."

"But Lourdes…"

"_Now_." I replied firmly, not allowing Connor's protests to dissuade me from standing by my decision. I shook my head in disappointment. "I shouldn't have left them in the first place, but I couldn't get a bloody hold of either of you, so…"

At this point, Connor held up his hands in defeat. "Alright, alright, I'm goin'." He even dangled his car keys in front of my nose to exhibit his point. When I thought that he was finally going to leave, a mischievous smile slowly appeared upon his face, as though a light suddenly turned on in his head. Clearing his throat for show, he raised his eyebrows repeatedly. "How about a goodbye kiss, then?"

I gritted my teeth in utter annoyance and let out a high-pitched squeal. Pushing at his arm and steadily pointing at the door, I snapped. "Connor, ye ass! Get. The. Hell. Outta here!"

"I was only jokin'!" He merely snorted with laughter, stalking over towards the doorway as he held his stomach. Though facing me once more after a few seconds, the expression on his countenance had completely changed. His face had grown serious, which managed to gain my attention. Sticking his head into the threshold, he questioned quietly, "So we're okay, then? Ye know, about that…thing…that happened between us?"

The unexpected question momentarily softened my mood. In response, I sent him a genuine smile. Eyeing him tenderly, I nodded, "Don't worry. We're _fine_ Connor, really." I replied more softly, hopefully enough to reassure him. Holding onto the doorknob as I observed him step onto the porch, I joked, "Besides, I was so shitfaced that night that I probably would've done that with _anyone_!"

Connor didn't know whether to take me seriously or laugh till his stomach hurt. The comical expression that appeared on his face was enough to make me burst out laughing, but I somehow managed to keep the charade on a little longer. Surveying the completely serious expression on my face, Connor stuttered, "No way…n-no fuckin' way! Ye just don't wanna admit that ye find me attractive!"

"If you say so." I nonchalantly shrugged as I inclined my head in mock conceit, making his jaw drop so low that I thought it would hit his feet.

"Oh, I say so." In a matter of seconds, Connor had managed to reassure himself of his_ wondrous_ good looks even without my aid. Without a word, he placed the palm of his hand upon my mouth, then kissed the back of his hand with an exaggerated puckering noise. As he pulled back, I merely stood stalk still, wide-eyed and unsure of what had just transpired. With a grin resulting from his cheeky behaviour, he gave me a tap on the nose with a finger, his mood apparently lightened once more. "Look, just make sure Murph doesn't get outta the house. I'll try ta be back as soon as I can. Hopefully me parents will be with me, too."

"I hope so," I slowly replied, clearing my throat. Then, with the "kiss" momentarily forgotten, I couldn't help but snarl as I muttered under my breath, "And Murphy will _want_ you to come back as soon as you can after _I'm_ done with him!"

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**A/N: Murph doesn't need to worry about the Irish mob - he needs to worry about Lourdes beatin' his arse. Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	26. Revenge

**A/N: Hoorah, a sneaky update! I still can't believe so many people are reading this story - thanks a lot, guys! A sequel sometime in the future will **_**definitely**_** be in order if you all want it! Thanks to those who reviewed: BloodStainedRosePettles (Norman actually stars in a movie called "Six Ways to Sunday", and your comment reminded me of that! ), moviemaniac07 (thank you kindly for your compliments), Bleeding Epiphony (work and school are **_**killing **_**me), BelhavenOnTap (let's see Lourdes' fury, shall we?), betty-boo (Murphy never learns, does he?), ivyshortcake (let's see how Murphy takes it!), penscratch (agreed!), Jade Opal (let's see if they can get back together!) and Irish Saints (you're too good). I hope you all enjoy this chapter, because I sure as hell enjoyed writing it! It's one of my faves! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 26: Revenge**

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_**"Far Away"**_

_**By: Nickelback**_

_This time, This place  
Misused, Mistakes  
Too long, Too late  
Who was I to make you wait  
Just one chance  
Just one breath  
Just in case there's just one left  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

_That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I miss you  
Been far away for far too long  
I keep dreaming you'll be with me  
and you'll never go  
Stop breathing if  
I don't see you anymore_

_On my knees, I'll ask  
Last chance for one last dance  
'Cause with you, I'd withstand  
All of hell to hold your hand  
I'd give it all  
I'd give for us  
Give anything but I won't give up  
'Cause you know,  
you know, you know_

_So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
So far away  
Been far away for far too long  
But you know, you know, you know_

_I wanted  
I wanted you to stay  
'Cause I needed  
I need to hear you say  
That I love you  
I have loved you all along  
And I forgive you  
For being away for far too long  
So keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore  
Believe it  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go  
Keep breathing  
Hold on to me and, never let me go_

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As I pushed the door of Murphy's bedroom open, I immediately spotted him replacing a bandage on his right thigh. He gritted his teeth in pain, but he quietly tore off the bandage with his teeth and proceeded to firmly push it upon his bruised skin. Automatically alert as the door loudly creaked, his eyes followed me as I slowly stepped inside, feeling more and more angered by the beaten sight of him. As he continued to look at me in sheer bewilderment, I finally began to unleash my withheld wrath upon the brash man, half jumping on him upon the bed and repeatedly beating at his chest with clenched fists.

"Lourdes, what the fuck?" he exclaimed with raised brows, though not severely alarmed by my unexpected attack. "The fuck's wrong with ye?" Murphy then proceeded to grasp my wrists tightly, trying to halt my wildly swinging arms. He muttered, "Can't ye see that I'm already injured, for Christ's sake?! Have a bit o' mercy, 'ere!"

"You've lost your fucking mind!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, halting my attacks for a few moments in order to catch my breath and push away the hair that covered my face.

Apparently highly amused by this, he tilted his head to the side, pursing his lips in a thin line. "Funny. I was just about ta tell ye the same thing."

I screamed with utter frustration, trying to beat his chest once more with my fists. Though this time, he managed to hold me steady, a mischievous smile forming upon the side of his lips. In an instant, Murphy pulled me roughly upon his body, then abruptly whirled me around so that he was now on top of me. Jerking me upon him, he silenced my gasp as he hungrily pressed his lips upon mine, his tongue delving into the recesses of my mouth. I let out a throaty groan at this unexpected action and immediately felt the fires blaze within me. The rage had begun to dissipate, and now a sense of complete euphoria began to invade my senses. Murphy's long fingers trailed up the side of my leg, and his other hand began to busily knead my breasts. My own hands ran wildly along his adamantine body, greedily feeling underneath his shirt and possessively cupping his bottom. He lightly moaned into my mouth, eyes closed tightly as he deepened the kiss even more.

I suddenly pulled away, roughly pushing him from my being. Caught by surprise, Murphy only eyed me incredulously, his gaze following my form as I pushed myself from the bed and headed straight for the doorway. As an explanation, I snapped, without looking back at him, "You say you love me one minute, then turn cold on me the next. What is it gonna be this time, Murphy? Use me then throw me out in the cold again?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Murphy let out an animal-like growl, springing from the bed so quickly that it overtly startled me. He roared in return, "Fine, I'll admit it. I was _scared_, alright? I can't get close with anyone 'cause I'm afraid of losing 'em! And I didn't wanna fuckin' lose ye, in every way possible!" He stalked purposefully to my side, taking the side of my face in his calloused palm. "I had ta do what I did ta protect ye, just like everythin' I've ever done. Even if it hurt ye, there wasn't any other way ta…"

"_Of course_ there was another way! There's always another way!" I rudely pushed his arm away from my being. The trauma from the last few days, coupled with the past hurt from Murphy's actions, unnerved me. The pain that I had bottled up within me for so long with regards to Murphy was now uncaged. "You_ didn't_ have to leave! You _didn't_ have to stupidly risk your life to find and kill Ciaran and all of his men! You _chose _to do all of those things, Murphy, when you knew that there could've been another way!"

"I guess ye _chose_ ta be with Connor then." He scoffed, crossing his arms upon his broad chest. "Ye _didn't_ have ta run to me brother either, but ye did just that, _didn't ye_, Lourdes?"

At this statement, all self-control had entirely abandoned me. With a full swing, I dealt Murphy a harsh slap, sending his face wildly snapping to the side. Unphased by the stinging upon my hands, I spat with a snarl, "How _dare_ you even…"

With his self-control exhausted to its final drop as well, Murphy then gripped the sides of my arms, roughly pinning me upon the door. He leaned forward, nose barely inches from my own as he growled, "How dare _ye_? How dare ye fuckin' do that ta me when ye _knew_ that I loved ye, that I…"

His speech immediately halted, his jaw tightening as he tried to retain a grain of composure.

I couldn't take this anymore. I couldn't take the way we fought, the way we screamed at one another like this. It was right then and there when I finally realized that the confused feelings that we both harboured have been, really, crystal clear from the very beginning; we were both just too blind to see it.

Although Murphy still had me in his tight grasp, I began to tug at the bottom of his shirt without a word. We didn't break our stare. As my eyes glazed over with ardent desire, he finally released me after a few moments and lifted his arms so that I could fully tug his shirt off. Immediately kissing his broad, lean chest, I slid my soft fingers down his hard abdomen and onto the garter of his boxers. I now felt his throbbing need in my hands; he was so warm even through the fabric. Instantly understanding my silent request, Murphy helped me rid him of his undergarment, then threw it dismissively behind him. Heightening my desire for him, he pressed up against me, our forms now fully touching. I could feel his shaft upon my leg, the beating of his heart, and the blazing heat of his skin – it was almost too much.

With our gazes still connected, I felt him undo the button and zipper of my jeans, hastily pulling down my trousers until they were below my knees. Kicking them off, I grabbed his head in between my hands, biting and nibbling at his lips, then fully taking his mouth in mine. I let out a low moan as he began to remove my shirt, ripping the buttons off in his rush to unclothe me. Pushing the thin fabric off my shoulders, I let the shirt drop to the ground behind me, now insignificant and forgotten.

Slowly falling upon his knees, Murphy began to trace a line of kisses from the valley of my breasts, down my stomach, then even lower to my fiery core. Hooking a finger upon the garter of my panties, he slid them down in such a sensual manner that it sent shivers up and down my spine. That action, though, was nothing compared to what he unleashed next. Slightly parting my legs, he began to massage my inner thighs, making me automatically lick my lips in expectancy. As he slowly inserted his fingers within me, I let out a whimper, resting my head upon the wall. As he began to stroke, I felt my hips buck up and down, matching his motions. He placed his other hand on my hips to keep me steady, but my action seemed automatic, my body instinctively responding to Murphy's wanton ministrations. Just when I thought that the pleasure couldn't be heightened, I then felt Murphy's slick mouth upon my core; tasting, licking, sucking. He then dipped his tongue within me, its motions matching the movement of his fingers. Moans and curses uncontrollably fell from my lips as I arched my head back in complete pleasure, weakly running my fingers through his thick, mussed hair. "Oh God, Murphy…" I squealed, biting my bottom lip as the pressure within me continued to grow and grow.

Not allowing me to finish, however, Murphy stood without warning, causing me to whimper and frown in disappointment. As my eyes fluttered open, I instantly met his stormy blue orbs, looking as though he was prepared to fully devour me. Pressing his lips upon the side of my ear, he whispered hoarsely, "I'm done with the teasin'."

I almost lost myself at this statement. As Murphy undid the clasp of my bra, I hurriedly shrugged it off, pressing my lips upon his once more. With our teeth slightly bumping, our tongues began to caress each other, the heat of our mouths filling our senses. Dear God, how I missed Murphy's taste. It had been too long – way too long. Murphy seemed to be lost as well, for both his breathing and his heartbeat were erratic.

My breasts brushed against his chest as I felt Murphy's body move against me. Positioning himself in front of me, he held on to both my legs, pressing me hard upon the wall. With my back completely straight and legs lifting off the ground, he held me steady; a hand cupping my bottom and the other upon the wall, propping himself up. Murphy then slid into me, slowly and steadily, causing the both of us to cry out as the pleasing friction pervaded our senses. Murphy paused for a moment, allowing me to become used to him. Pressing his head upon the crook of my neck, he then thrust without warning, making me squeal in both surprise and pleasure. Holding onto his shoulders, I then fully wrapped my legs around his waist, allowing us to connect even more closely. Pulling his hips back, he thrust once more - this time, more fully and deeply. I was lost, unable to think coherently anymore. I could hear him mumble curses under his shallow breaths, feel the perspiration now appearing all over his skin. He then began to increase his pace, pulling out slowly then thrusting deeply, making me breathe even more erratically. My cries sounded delirious as he repeated the motion over and over again, the unbelievable pleasure that the friction elicited taking over our entire bodies. As I raked my nails down his back, he pushed in deeper and deeper every time, sending me spiraling down into an abyss. Though, my screams were momentarily muffled as he took my lips in his once more, his tongue almost mimicking what his shaft did below.

Murphy then began to pant, his grunts growing louder and louder as the tension built within us. I was on fire, losing all of my senses to the primal desire that had taken over me. Fully matching his rhythm, I fell upon Murphy's thrusts even harder, so forcefully that he now had to use two hands to hold me steady upon the wall. "Fuck…oh, God…" Murphy mumbled through gritted teeth. "God, ye feel so good…"

"Murphy…" I licked my bottom lip, disregarding the disheveled hair that wildly flapped upon my face. As he held me closely to him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, pressing my face upon the crook of his neck. "Ahh…" I whimpered, closing my eyes and running my fingers wildly through his hair. Feeling a shiver run through my body, the tension that had been building up inside of me finally burst. I cried out, my whole body shaking as I felt myself tighten around him. After a few moments, Murphy gave out a thunderous roar, reaching his own peak. As he arched his hips up to meet my own in a last thrust, I felt a wave of shivers course through his body. Letting out a long, ragged breath of air, he rested his forehead upon my chest. As we both panted for much needed air, he slowly released me, though keeping his arms wrapped tightly around me.

"Ye have _no_ idea how long I've wanted ta do that." Murphy whispered almost inaudibly as he rested his forehead upon mine.

"I think I have a pretty good idea." I replied hoarsely, playfully nibbling at his bottom lip.

As he lowered me upon the bed, he began to languidly caress my stomach, eyes reverently sweeping through my body. I suddenly felt a light blush upon my cheeks, though the seductive look that appeared upon Murphy's countenance managed to dissuade any feelings of embarrassment. Hands trailing from my breasts, then down to my inner thighs, Murphy mumbled, "So about ye and Connor…"

Rolling over to face him, I placed a reassuring hand on the side of his face, looking into his eyes alternately. "We kissed and we touched, but we didn't sleep with one another." I replied honestly. Though, I didn't miss the hurt that momentarily flashed through Murphy's eyes as he finally heard the truth from my lips. Embracing him lovingly, I continued, "I'm not going to deny responsibility for it, but you have to understand that many circumstances that night influenced the way I acted. In the end, we both know that, as much as I care for Connor, I don't feel that way about him anymore." I let my lips place a trail of kisses upon the side of his neck and up towards his jaw. "I only want you, Murphy, and nobody else. Ever since we were kids, it had always been you…"

"Prove it."

As my eyes flickered up to Murphy's face, I saw another mischievous smile plastered upon his countenance. Before I could question the reasoning behind his mirthful eyes, he suddenly pounced on me with a growl, making me shriek with delight. In a swift motion of his arm, he pulled the covers above us as we began to make love once more.

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**A/N: Did you all enjoy that? It wasn't exactly the beating that you expected, did ya? haha At least it was pleasurable. Till next time, my lovely readers! xx IFHD**


	27. Reminiscing

**A/N: Wahoo, another chapter! There are actually four chapters left after this one. You know why? Because you guys are awesome, and I'm in the process of setting up the story for a SEQUEL! Yes, I've decided there will be a sequel. Hopefully time permits me to be able to do this, but there are just too many ideas to work with for this story that a sequel is definitely needed. Thanks to those who reviewed: dayamiracle, Bleeding Epiphony, BelhavenOnTap, IrishSaints, ivyshortcake, Sith Happens, betty-boo, BloodStainedRosePettles, Nyah1, Jade Opal, and moviemaniac07.**

**Cheers, and happy reading! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 27: Reminiscing**

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"_**Inevitable"**_

_**By: Anberlin**_

_Do you remember when we were just kids  
And cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss  
Schoolyard conversations taken to heart  
And laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not_

_I wanna break every clock  
The hands of time could never move again  
We could stay in this moment (stay in this moment)  
For the rest of our lives  
Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss  
That you'll ever have  
I wanna be your last, first kiss_

_Amazing how life turns out the way that it does  
We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love_

_Is it over now hey, hey, is it over now  
Is it over how hey, hey, it's not over now_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss  
That you'll ever have (that you'll ever have)  
I wanna be your last, first love (that you'll ever have)  
Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide  
I wanna be your last, first kiss for all time_

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The sun's glorious rays cheekily peeked through the shaded green windowsill, instantly waking me. Feeling quite fatigued, it took a moment to register what had happened and to realize where I was. Feeling Murphy's head placed perfectly upon the crook of my neck, I turned my head and gave his forehead a tender kiss, lovingly trailing my fingers down the side of his face. He remained fast asleep, chest rhythmically rising and falling, contentedly oblivious to anything that was happening around him. For some reason or another, I couldn't believe that he was really here lying beside me. It seemed as though he was a mere apparition. This was so perfect – almost _too_ perfect – that I thought that I was completely lost in a vivid dream. I was momentarily afraid to wake, but when I felt him slightly shift beside me, I was certain that I was fully conscious. As he wrapped me in his arms even more tightly, I smiled fondly and continued to watch him in his peaceful sleep. I began to trace my fingers languidly upon his hair and the side of his face, and to my amusement, he didn't seem to be bothered at all. Rather, the pleased expression on his countenance only grew, the side of his lips unconsciously twitching into a small smile.

"Well, at least ye succeeded in keepin' 'im 'ome."

I let out an audible gasp at the unexpected sound of Connor's teasing voice. Mortified at my current state, I instantly pulled the blanket up to my neck to ensure that I was _fully_ covered in his presence. I then looked up and perceived him standing at the doorway, arms cheekily crossed on his chest, back leaning nonchalantly upon the wall. The amused expression on his face didn't falter one bit as I merely sat there, dumbfounded and immobile. I retorted distastefully, "Really, Connor, how the _hell_ do you do that? Even after all these years…"

Lifting a questioning brow, he pursed his lips in curiosity. "What?"

"Appear without me hearing you!" I hissed frantically, repeatedly motioning for him to leave. He merely disregarded my ghastly shooing tactics, only continuing to survey the right mess in Murphy's room. Letting out a low whistle, his eyes landed upon his brother's sleeping form, then on my own. As his mirthful gaze languidly traced my body, I felt some discomfort even though I knew the covers weren't transparent._Jesus, I don't want _another_ MacManus to see me naked!_ Squinting my eyes in annoyance, I snapped, "Now, stop your staring! Off with you, MacManus!"

"This is too much fun." Connor muttered mischievously to himself, slightly giggling as he concocted a devious plan in his head. Turning on his heel, he finally exited the room and walked into the hallway. Though, just when I thought that Murphy and I would _finally_ be left in peace, I distinctly heard Connor yell, "Ma! Da! Come look at what happened! Hurry, ye don't wanna miss _this_!"

"Connor!" I squealed, throwing everything at arms' reach into the hallway where he stood. Unfortunately unable to hit him with _anything_ – including skillfully-thrown socks – I finally gave up and merely hid underneath the covers, fully draping it over and above my head. Incessantly poking Murphy to wake the hell up, I whimpered as I heard the MacManus voices and footsteps inching closer and closer towards the room.

_Damn that Connor! Oh, he'll pay for this!_

"Mornin', beautiful."

Twisting my head towards the sound of Murphy's tender voice, I managed a smile through my distress. Gazing at me with his squinted, seductive eyes, he proceeded to make a motion to kiss me, arms encircling me as he began to lean forward. He halted just as he reached my lips, though, when he realized that the covers had been pulled from us.

"Well, would ye look at that?" Peering down towards us, Ma MacManus cooed as though she were observing two wee bairns. Pursing her lips as she slightly bent over to examine us even more, she continued, even more amused, "The two lovebirds are at it again. Come ta think o' it, the way ye go at it, ye two are like rabbits more than birds."

I let out a curt shriek, pulling the covers upon Murphy and me once more. My entire body was warm with embarrassment, and I could only look at Murphy in complete shock and bewilderment. In complete horror, I saw him place a hand upon his face and begin to giggle. _His whole family had caught us in bed together, and then man was _giggling?!_Giggling?!_ Pinching him upon the arm for good measure, he let out a quiet 'ow' through his chuckles. Then, peeking through the covers as I remained well hidden beneath, he let out a raucous cry. "Da! Fuckin' 'ell, yer alright!" I felt the bed move and squeak as he presumably reached up and embraced his father. "Shit, my day's gettin' better and better, innit?"

I heard Mr. MacManus sternly clear his throat. "Son, this is highly embarrassing."

Whether or not he was joking, I couldn't tell. Though, I couldn't help myself any longer. Feeling a tickling sensation upon my stomach, I suddenly snorted and burst out laughing, pressing my palm upon my mouth in order to unsuccessfully quell the noise. When I finally mustered the nerve to pull down the covers below my chin and peer up at the MacManuses, they all sent me identical, curious glances. Murphy gave me a light nudge, eyebrow raised. "What's so funny?"

Sending him a mockingly unamused glance, I thought that it was the appropriate moment to tease him for his nonchalant attitude regarding the situation. Clearing my throat and turning my attention to his family, I shrugged simply. "He was _much_ smaller than I thought."

With the round of booming laughter of the MacManuses as our background, that statement finally elicited a mortified expression on Murphy's face. With an agape mouth, he peeked beneath the covers to look at himself, then glanced back up towards me. Pointing a guilty finger at the tip of my nose, he snapped, "Lies!"

At this point, Connor slyly slinked an arm around Murphy's shoulders, eyes twinkling in sheer triumph. "Told ye I was the older twin."

In a little short of a pounce, Murphy attempted to grab Connor by the arm. Though, predicting this reaction, Connor immediately recoiled, laughing his head off. Through the chidings of their mother and the groans of their father, Murphy unabashedly threw the covers from his body and bolted out of the bedroom after his still giggling brother. Disregarding his state, Murphy began to chase Connor throughout the house, butt naked.

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"I'm gonna twist yer leg off! Twist it fully off!"

"Get off me 'ead, ye naked jackass!"

"Then I'm gonna hit ye with the soggy end o' it!"

"Are ye implyin' that I 'ave wet feet?"

Pushing the door closed in order to drown out the sounds of his squabbling sons, Mr. MacManus entered Murphy's bedroom once more. This time, I was (thankfully) fully clothed and was actually prepared for his appearance. Tying my hair back in a long ponytail, I threw him a tender smile as I stood from the bed. Blushing away my embarrassment, I cleared my throat as I apologized for the previous incident, "I'm sorry you had to see that, sir."

"I am, too."

After a brief moment of silence, we both burst out laughing, his baritone chuckles sounding like music to my ears. Regaining our composures after a few moments passed, he motioned his head for me to sit upon the bed once more as he took a seat upon an adjacent chair. When the mirth in his eyes disappeared, I knew that he was about to discuss something of a serious nature. So, bracing myself, I clenched my hands in front of me, eyeing him patiently.

"Do ye want ta know what happened with Ciaran and the pier warehouse?"

The curt question somewhat startled me. It had been less than a week since the incident occurred, and I was nowhere near ready to discuss the situation. Though, seeing that I should know the truth – that I was _entitled_ to it – I slowly nodded my head, my gaze meeting Mr. MacManus' once more. This would only be another step to healing, and it was something that I desperately needed at the moment.

"Murph was on his way to yer house ta make amends when he saw that yer door was broken wide open and yer house was a mess. With no sign o' yer presence and seein' a racin' car down the street, he deduced that Ciaran had kidnapped ye. He immediately called Connor and meself to let us know what happened. We already had information regarding where Ciaran and his sons o' bitches were stayin', so after plannin' out our course o' action, we went ta save ye." His expression had grown stern, as though remembering darker details that he wasn't willing to discuss. "At the warehouse, I chased 'im after 'e took a few shots at me sons. We raced ta the top o' the buildin' where he was waitin' for a helicopter ta arrive. It only took one clean shot through the head, and he was dead." I gulped at this point, not wanting to imagine how that transpired. Seeing my reaction, Da's face softened, a sympathetic expression now appearing on his countenance. He slowly began once more, hands clasped in front of him, "After I left the warehouse, I went straight ta the police station to notify 'em o' everythin' that happened. I even saw yer parents briefly, but I wasn't surprised that they didna recognize me."

I managed to find my voice even though so many thoughts whirled through my head. I quietly croaked, "So…it's over? It's finally all over?"

He let out a long exhale at this point, leaning forward as his eyes grew less serious. "Ta make a long story short, Lourdes, ye have nothin' ta worry about anymore. Ciaran and his men are done here in Dublin. The police are on top o' this case, and with our help, we'll draw out an' destroy the rest o' 'is men." With his hands placed upon my shoulders, he finished with the utmost sincerity, "And I promise ye, Lourdes – ye and yer family will always be under the protection of the Saints. Always."

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**A/N: What'd you guys think? Finally, a little bit o' happiness for Lourdes and the MacManuses, eh? I can't wait till you all read the last few chapters! I've got fun ideas! haha xx IFHD**

**Also, I made my oneshot "Into The Dark" into a full story. If you haven't started reading it, it's basically about Murphy losing his wife and having to take care of his son, Liam. There's a lot of hurt, comfort, healing, angst and will have some romance. I basically wanted to explore Murphy's "dark side", so to speak. Also, I thought that this plot hasn't been done much, so I think it'll be interesting to see.****  
**


	28. Persuasion

**A/N: Another chapter for all of you! Thank you to penscratch, betty-boo, Bleeding Epiphony, BelhavenOnTap, ivyshortcake, Jade Opal, IrishSaints and BloodStainedRosePettles for reviewing and you for reading.**

**If you haven't already done so, if you have the time, check out my newest fic, "Into the Dark". It's in the beginning stages, but I'd love your feedback! It'll be a factor on how much time I'm going to work on that story and on the "Even In Heaven" series. xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 28: Persuasion**

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_**"On Legendary"**_

_**By: Further Seems Forever**_

_Now that we're one now  
Softly whispers saving grace 6:19 as I awake  
And stronger than last year  
My eyes closed  
Stars can see me  
Stars will meet me on the ground  
On the ground_

_Summer is gone and winter is never too far now  
And my poor arms (my arms are aching) outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking  
But there you come with a smile that'd send any man to his knees  
And I feel I've begun now that we're one now  
You graciously add to  
I graciously add you to my heart  
To my heart_

_Summer is gone, and winter is never too far now  
And my poor arms (my arms are aching) outstretched so long that my bones are now breaking  
But there you come with a smile that'd send any man to his knees  
And I feel I've begun now that we're one now  
Now that we're one now_

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_**Flashback**_

_"Murphy, Murphy, you have to come quick! McFarland and O'Connell are gatherin' some o' the guys to play some rugby at Landsdowne Park!" I informed in cheerfully as I burst through his bedroom door, halting my speech only in order to catch my breath. Wildly beckoning towards him with a gleeful smile, I exclaimed, "Hurry up and get your boots on, because…"_

_I abruptly stopped mid-sentence, noticing an array of filled boxes and duffel bags scattered upon his bed and bedroom floor. Only a few meters to my right, Murphy angrily rummaged through his almost emptied closet, mumbling numerous curses to himself as he threw his belongings over his shoulders and haphazardly onto the bed and floor. Furrowing my brows in utter confusion, I cautiously made my way to his side. "What the heck? It's like you're movin' or somethin'!"_

_"I am." He replied simply. As his shoulders visibly slumped, he continued about his business without even turning to look at me._

_My breath caught at my throat at this unexpected revelation. Murphy had not once mentioned moving _anywhere_! Where was this all coming from so suddenly? Half in shock and half in confusion, I placed a trembling hand upon his tensed shoulder, momentarily stopping his irritated rummaging and cursing. "W-where are you going?"  
"Boston."_

_"Boston?" I repeated quietly as though confirming what I had just heard. Immediately feeling my bottom lip quiver, I questioned helplessly, "What? Why?"_

_"Me Ma wants Connor an' me ta go. She said it'll do us some good, or some shite like that." Finally, Murphy stood up straight, having enough courage to whirl around and face me. Frowning at the saddened expression on my face, he let out a long, ragged exhale. Rubbing my arms in an exhibition of comfort, he continued reassuringly, "She said it'll only be for a little while, so…"_

_"But I…what about…" The confusion and panic was too great within me that it prevented any sort of coherence in my statements. I couldn't dissuade Murphy on this occasion, not when it was his mother's decision for them to leave. The only thing that I could do at this point was inquire weakly, "How long is 'a little while', Murphy?"_

_"Couple o' months, maybe a year, tops." _

_I visibly cringed. His pensive expression dissipated as he tightly wrapped his arms around my waist. My melancholy failed to subside even when he gave me a small, reassuring smile and pressed his warm, soft lips upon my forehead. "Hey, ye got nothin' ta worry 'bout. I promise I'll come back. I can't possibly stay away from ye for too long, now can I?"_

_With tear-filled eyes, I gazed at him longingly, memorizing the curves of his face and the glint in his steel-blue eyes. With his image becoming blurry, I questioned with hope, "Promise me you'll come back?"_

_Placing a tender kiss upon my lush lips, he nodded and whispered with so much reassurance, "I promise."_

_**End Flashback**_

For the first time in about a week, I woke up without Murphy by my side. It had only been one bloody week, but the fact that I felt _awkward_ waking up alone somewhat frightened me. I knew that my feelings for Murphy were deep, but not until this morning did I realize just _how_ deep they truly were. I was becoming dependent on the cheeky Irishman and wholly knew that I was powerless to stop it. Languidly running my fingers upon the wrinkled bed, I could still smell and feel him beside me. With a contented smile, I reminded myself that, at some point in the day, I was going to see him anyway; no need to be all emotional so early in the day!

Whistling a merry Irish tune, I cheerfully hopped out of bed, finally feeling fresh and rested. Deciding to hop into the shower, I plucked a bathrobe from my closet, rightly _skipping_ through my room as I made my way towards the door. Though, before I made it out into the corridor, I noticed the incessant blinking of the answering machine on my nightstand. I furrowed my brows in curiosity, wondering who could have called so early in the morning. Reaching out an arm to press the 'play' button, I eagerly awaited the message:

_"Hey Lourdes, it's me, Connor. Just called ta let ya know Murph, me Da and I are goin' back ta Boston in an hour or so. Really sorry we couldn't say goodbye to ye in person. Lots o' things happened, and I'm sorry I can't explain it all to ye now. I promise I will soon. So take care o' yerself and our Ma, and we promise ta keep in touch this time. Love ya!"_

As another beep sounded to signal the end of the message, I immediately felt my heart constrict. _Murphy's leaving for Boston without so much as telling me?_ _Without calling himself?_ This wasn't like him. What's going on? "Shit, the time! What's the fucking time?" I shrieked, wildly pressing the buttons on the answering machine to review Connor's message as I simultaneously looked at my clock on the wall. He had left the message at 6:19 a.m.

It was 7 a.m. on the dot.

Now feeling both rage and panic, I quickly dressed myself in order to look somewhat presentable, praying to God that I wasn't too late to see him. I had no idea what I was going to do exactly, but I knew that I just _had_ to see Murphy.

He couldn't just…_leave_!

Racing through the suburban Dublin streets as though I were driving a taxi with a billion passengers to provide service for and didn't have a head upon my neck, I maniacally parked on the MacManus driveway, a cloud of dust forming in my wake. I roughly flew into my seatbelt as I abruptly stomped on the brakes, narrowly missing their quaint mailbox on the front lawn. Disregarding the battered state of my vehicle, I practically flew towards the MacManus porch, dashing towards the door as if I were on fire.

Simultaneously knocking on the door with one hand and ringing the doorbell with the other, I impatiently waited for _anyone_ to answer at this point. _What the bloody hell was Murphy thinking, just _leaving_ like this? _After a few tense moments, the doorknob clicked and the door creaked open, revealing a somewhat annoyed, half-awake Murphy. Mussing his already messy hair and rubbing an eye with the back of his right hand, he winced in discomfort as the sunlight reached his narrowed eyes. Feeling a rush of relief course through my body, I immediately wrapped my arms around him and repeatedly kissed him all over his face – his nose, cheeks, forehead, and finally, his lips. "Please don't go!" I whispered frantically, clinging onto him more than embracing him. I then managed to momentarily calm myself and give him a passionate, loving kiss. "Don't go, Murphy."

With the annoyance on his face disappearing, Murphy slowly raised a curious brow as he rested his hands on my hips. As he began to languidly nuzzle my neck with his nose, he questioned lightly, "Go where? At _this_ bloody hour?"

"To Boston!" I breathed out exasperatedly, taking his face in between my palms. Though, knowing that I wasn't too late to see him, I managed to regain my composure, if only for a little while. I whimpered, "I don't want you to go. Not like this. Not so _soon_…"

"Huh?" He replied with furrowed brows, even scratching his head in utter confusion. "But…I'm not goin' ta Boston, though. At least not yet, anyway."

Somewhat releasing him, I tilted my face upwards to meet his inquiring gaze. "What?"

Suddenly, somewhere behind Murphy, I heard Connor boom with unrestricted laughter. Peering past Murphy's form, I saw Connor place his hand upon his stomach and repeatedly shake his head. All he could do was giggle, shakily point at me, and then giggle some more.

Widening my now fiery eyes in complete realization with regards to what had just transpired, I ruthlessly boomed, "Oh, fuckin' right, ya think that was _funny_, Connor?" I politely pushed myself away from Murphy and began to literally roll my sleeves up to my elbows as I advanced upon the cheeky Irishman. Baring teeth, I snapped, "Ye fuckin' jackass, pullin' a stunt like that! And so early in the fuckin' mornin', too!"

At this point, Connor stood behind the nearby couch for some protection, though still wearing a triumphant smirk. "Worked, didn't it?"

Concentrating on my target, I continued to advance, snarling.

With his smile somewhat disappearing, Connor held up his hands in surrender, then motioned his head towards the kitchen. "Oi! I'm just an innocent bystander in all o' this! It was Ma's idea, so blame 'er! _She's_ the mastermind o' all o' this!"

As if on cue, Mrs. MacManus appeared out of the kitchen, holding her palm up to her mouth. No longer able to stifle her laugh, she burst into raucous guffaws, placing her hand upon Connor's shoulder for support. As the two doubled over simultaneously and continued their gleeful celebration, Murphy and I only stood there in silence, dumbfounded.

"The fuck's goin' on?" Murphy's eyes darted to me, his twin, and mother alternately. When all he received was laughter, he pursed his lips in a thin line, visibly annoyed. "Can someone _please_ tell me what's so fuckin' funny?"

"Ye!" squealed Connor with a shake of the head, still laughing his head off and even wiping tears from the side of his face for effect. "And Lourdes' face right now!"

Murphy and I had both been duped by Connor and Ma MacManus, and Murphy was _still _completely oblivious! At this point, I didn't know whether to go after Connor out of anger or embarrassment. With a squeal, I could no longer take the humiliation. Pouting like a five-year-old, I stomped towards the couch with quick, purposeful strides. Taking the nearest pillow in my hand, I wildly chucked it towards the recoiling Irishman. Even though he ducked, the pillow still managed to graze his spiked hair.

Oh well. Practice makes perfect.

Murphy then strode to my side, face filled with firm resolve. It seemed as though what had transpired _finally_ clicked in his head! Without a word, he plucked another pillow from the couch and sent it flying across the room. As the gleeful Connor ducked and evaded the fluffy missile once more, though, the pillow didn't hit the ground. This time, it hit the entering Da MacManus smack dab in the face.

I gulped.

This wasn't going to be pretty.

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**A/N: Oh, those MacManuses. Gotta love 'em, eh?**

**Again, check out my other Murphy/OC "Into the Dark" if you have the time. Cheers! xx IFHD**


	29. War & Love

**A/N: Hoorah, two more chapters of this story left after this one! I have to admit that the preparations for the sequel are going slowly at the moment, but I'm sure that it won't be **_**months**_**until I finish the first few chapters. Thanks to Bleeding Epiphony, BelhavenOnTap, Jade Opal, IrishSaints, BloodStainedRosePettles, penscratch and GoddessLaughs for reviewing. I hope all of you enjoy this next one! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 29: War & Love**

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"_**What I'm Dying To Say"**_

_**By: The Class of 98**_

_Part of me is here to see you_

_because I left my heart with you _

_and something's breaking up inside me_

_This took so long to see_

_I waited for the time to tell you_

_What I'm dying to say_

_All of the years we spent living away_

_I waited for the time to tell you _

_What I'm dying to say_

_I loved you like my own_

_you alone_

_It's hard to reach back to when I knew you_

_Like I'm talking with your ghost_

_and here she looks just so much like you_

_and I'm not leaving until you know_

_I waited for the time to tell you_

_I had to give you up to find you_

_I waited for the time to tell you _

_what I'm dying to say_

_all of the years we spent living away_

_waited for the time to tell you _

_what I'm dying to say_

_what I'm dying to say..._

_I loved you like my own_

_you alone_

_I loved you like my own_

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The entire room immediately became deathly silent. I heard Ma MacManus lightly gasp, placing a palm upon her lips in bewilderment. The twins were both stock still, sending their father identical incredulous looks. As Da MacManus eyed Murphy with daggers in his flaming orbs, Murphy visibly gulped, slightly shifting behind me as though I would be able to shield him. Inconspicuously nudging his stomach, I sent his father a pained, almost diplomatic-like smile, hoping to somewhat alleviate the situation. Then, my narrowed, unyielding eyes landed on Connor, who was now slowly backing away from his father with his hands nonchalantly clutched behind his back.

I was completely taken aback by Mr. MacManus' reaction. Jerking his leg upwards, he lithely scooped up the pillow with his foot like a football. Catching it in mid-drop, he held it steady in his hands for less than a second, eyeing his target. Then, without a word, he flung the battered missile with lightning speed in Murphy's direction.

Now, the bag of fluff would've hit Murphy dead on…

…if it hadn't hit _me_ instead.

Gasping in shock as the feathered pillow collided with my face and then plopped upon the ground beside my foot, the silence was immediately broken as booming laughter filled the room. _That's it! Mr. MacManus had officially inaugurated a Pillow War!_ Gritting my teeth, I bent my knees, picked up the fallen pillow, and flung it haphazardly in Connor's direction. Finally hitting my unsuspecting target right on the forehead, I hastily crawled towards the couch, ducking just in case Connor decided to return the favour. Tossing Murphy a couple of throw pillows (no pun intended), he threw them at his parents without hesitation.

Chaos then erupted.

Pillows and more pillows flew across the room amongst the squeals and chuckles, leaving trails of feathers in their wake. Chairs and pillars were used as shields as we each contemplated about our next target and gathered ammunition. Thinking that an element of surprise would be even more effective, I continuously faked my throws, catching more than one MacManus off-guard. At one point, Murphy, with a thunderous Rambo-like cry, even jumped over the sofa with a pillow in each hand and went after his father and brother alternately. By this point, I couldn't help but shed tears of laughter, realizing how incredibly infantile, albeit enjoyable, this all was!

In the midst of the pillow war, Murphy managed to make his way back to me. As he grasped my hand, we strode past the guffawing Ma MacManus, ducking and dodging until we were up the stairs and safely shielded in his room.

Biting my bottom lip, I instantly pulled Murphy upon me by the collar of his shirt. I then snaked my arms around his neck as he cupped my bottom in his palms, gently squeezing. Giggling at the fact that we both had had the same idea, I pressed my body even closer to his, then passionately pressed my lips upon his without a word.

Though, in the midst of our exhibitions of desire, Murphy lightly broke the kiss and slightly pulled away. Eyeing him questioningly as I traced his cheek with my fingertips, he asked in a mere whisper, "Are ye sure about this?"

Blinking several times as I registered the quiet, unexpected inquiry, I placed my hands upon his chest. Meeting his darkened orbs alternately, I proceeded to give him a slow nod. "Aye, Murphy. Are ye kidding? _Of course_ I want you. You should know that by_now_."

"Not me, Lourdes. I already know that ye want me." He replied without doubt, a mocking smirk now appearing on his face. After a few moments, his smile somewhat disintegrated as he became deep in thought once more. Running his hands up and down the sides of my arms, he continued, "Are ye sure that ye want this…this life?"

I was momentarily rendered speechless by this question. I had been so concentrated on how happy I was to have Murphy by my side, to have worked everything out with him, that I hadn't really thought about the consequences of actually _being_ with him. Understanding his concerns, I knew that this wasn't going to be a normal relationship – and it probably never will be. But wasn't Murphy worth giving it a shot? Weren't my feelings for him strong enough to overcome any of the doubts that I harboured?

Finally bringing him closer to me after a brief pause, I gave him a firm nod. "Aye, Murphy. I am." I began to gingerly trace his lips with my own, feeling the warmth of his breath upon my cheeks. "I'm ready for the future, whatever it may bring. As long as I'm with you, that's all that matters."

This response managed to relieve Murphy's tension. Relaxing his shoulders, he then smiled, pressing his forehead upon mine. I could now feel his long, calloused fingers gently tracing their way down from my collar bone upon my chest. Teasing lower and lower, his thumb contentedly rested upon the valley of my breasts. His eyes flickered upwards, stormy blue orbs gazing upon mine as if for permission. In acceptance of his modest proposal, I enveloped his lips in mine, steadily exhaling as I deepened the kiss. The tips of his fingers brushed upon my cheeks before his palms fully cupped my jaw. Murphy then let out a curt groan as his tongue found its way into my slick mouth. His taste, his touch – it just felt so right.

This was Murphy – my Murphy.

"I love you, Murphy MacManus."

Obviously taken aback by this declaration, he momentarily jerked away from my being, stormy eyes unwilling to pry themselves from my own. With Murphy's chest visibly rising and falling, it seemed as though a newfound desire had wholly taken over him. Exhibiting his renewed sense of passion, he began to hastily tug at my clothes, finding that they were cumbersome barriers to what he truly desired. The eagerness and wantonness in his erratic kisses and touch inflamed my own senses. Gasping at the simultaneous roughness and passion, I felt my knees becoming weak as my clothes were literally ripped from my body, piece by piece. As my garments, or what was left of them, were kicked off and flung mindlessly upon the floor, I never once broke Murphy's intense stare.

Now finding myself completely naked in front of him, I lowered myself upon the bed, tugging at his exposed rosary. Still exhibiting the same passionate urgency, Murphy unclothed himself in a matter of seconds, throwing his garments haphazardly all over his room. Unconsciously licking my lips as my orbs greedily swept throughout his naked form, I ran the tips of my fingers upon his hard chest and abdomen, believing that there was no form more perfect than his. His predatory-like stare even managed to elicit waves of shivers up and down my spine, only heightening my desire for him. Murphy immediately mounted me, the pleasurable pressure of his body on my own making me whimper. Slinking an arm around my back and holding me closely to him, his mouth latched upon my breast, nibbling and sucking at my nipples. In return, I groped down his abdomen, then gingerly wrapped my fingers upon his growing shaft. Murphy hissed through gritted teeth, momentarily unable to continue his ministrations as I began to stroke him. Groaning, he rested his head upon my stomach, weakly kissing me as his body began to tremble.

"I want ye, oh God, I want ye…" he whispered hoarsely, his hot breath sending waves of shivers throughout my body. Cupping both of my breasts in his hands, Murphy leaned forward, licking, biting and nibbling at my lips and down my neck. Feeling him in between my legs, I somehow managed to contain my desire, controlling the tension that was building within.

His next move was wholly unexpected. I let out a gasp as he abruptly flipped me over, sending my hair flying maniacally through the air. Now surrounded by disheveled and wrinkled bedsheets, he began to sensually trace my spine with his lips, hands following suit at the sides of my torso and legs.

I then felt him hovering over me as he placed his hands upon my hips. Gripping the covers tightly around my fingers and biting my bottom lip, I braced myself as he slowly entered me. The slight friction already managed to elicit muffled cries from the both of us. Pausing for a moment, Murphy kissed my shoulderblades and cupped my breasts with his palms once more. Slightly pulling out, he then thrust forward once more in such heated passion that it was impossible to quell my cries. The bed began to shake as he repeated the motion, over and over again, with each thrust more powerful than the next. Through his curses and cries, I could only hang onto the bedpost, entirely lost as waves of pleasure coursed through my body. "Murphy! Oh…" I cried out his name repeatedly, eyes closed, teeth clenched. I then grasped his arm, holding onto him as we continued to rock in unison. The ruffling of the covers and the squeaking of the bedsprings were no match for the sounds that escaped our lips.

The next sound that we heard, though, was something _not_ so pleasurable. With two knocks on the door, we heard Connor's muffled, teasing voice. "Oi, ye two better not be havin' sex in there, because I'm comin' in ta tell ye that breakfast is…"

Gasping wide-eyed, I immediately grasped the blankets around me and began to cover myself. In the wake of attempting to cover _himself_, Murphy managed to slip off the bed, landing with a light thud on his buttocks onto the wooden floor. Through his cursing, I heard the doorknob slowly creak and the lock lightly click. With haste, Murphy scrambled to recover from the fall and managed to jump underneath the covers with me just as we heard Connor enter the dark room.

"Don't turn on the lights! Don't turn on the lights!" Murphy and I frantically cried, cuddling further and further beneath the covers.  
"Jaysus!" Connor exclaimed as he immediately recoiled, shielding his eyes. Twisting his head out the door, he boomed, "Ma, they're having sex again! Make 'em stop!"

"Connor, yer so fuckin' annoyin'!" Murphy lightly teased, shaking his head. Unabashedly pulling the sheets from his body, he strode towards the door, having no care who saw him naked now. Not like they haven't, anyway. Repeatedly shoving his brother out of the room, he snapped, "Now get the fuck out! We're…busy!" And with that, Murphy slammed the door on his twin's disgusted face, contentedly brushing his hands for a job well done. After ensuring to secure the lock on the door this time, Murphy whirled to face me, eyes brightly twinkling. "Now…where were we?"

I flashed him a mischievous grin. "Come back to bed and I'll remind you."

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**A/N: Gah, I **_**really**_** don't want this story to end! These next two chapters will truly be bitter sweet. Till next time, my lovely readers! **

**P.S. Remember to check out "Into The Dark" if you have the time! xx IFHD**


	30. Hanging By A Moment

**A/N: I have no clue how, when I'm so tired, I'm this productive. C'est ma vie, je crois. But anyway, thanks to ivyshortcake, BelhavenOnTap, IrishSaints, BloodStainedRosePettles and Sith Happens for reviewing. And all you readers are siiiiick. xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 30: Hanging By A Moment**

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_**"White Lines & Red Lights"**_

_**By: Between the Trees**_

_Late night, driving home together  
And at red lights we press our lips together  
And we're holding tight now  
Slow it down now  
Let's take our time  
Let the moment last  
Until it feels right  
Holding back  
And not getting to carried away  
Let the music fade_

_Cause you are the brightest star  
I'm in love with who you are  
And you are the brightest star  
I'm lost without your love_

_We are in each others arms  
Just like a movie scene  
Cause as we're leaning in  
The light decides to turn green  
Me and you together  
This is getting better  
Just butterflies won't do  
I don't want just red lights  
I want more of these nights  
Baby I love you_

_Cause you are the brightest star  
I'm in love with who you are  
And you are the brightest star  
I'm lost without your love _

_You and me is what matters most  
It's not the intimacy that brings me  
Closer to you..._

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"So, remind me why I'm going to be blindfolded again?"

"Because I like kinky sex."

"Ha-ha. Very funny, Murphy."

"What? I wasn't jokin'!"

Joking or not, I still had to burst out laughing at the sight of Murphy's "seductive" expression. Raising both his eyebrows repeatedly, he gave me a sly side smirk, then proceeded to pucker his lips with exaggerated kissing noises. Actually trying to lean forward to kiss me, I gave the cheeky Irishman a light slap on the arm, motioning my head towards the oncoming traffic. "Oi, Casanova, watch the road!" Taking the steering wheel and turning the car slightly to the left in order to be in the _centre_ of the lane, I shook my head mockingly. "Besides, I'd rather live than be kissed by the likes of you, thank you very much."

A bemused expression appeared on Murphy's countenance. "That's not what ye were screamin' last night."

Albeit true, I was somewhat embarrassed by this latter statement. Finally closing my agape mouth at Murphy's unsurprising audacity, I merely struck him playfully once more, receiving only boisterous laughter from him. Pulling over at what Murphy determined was the "halfway point" of our destination, I was finally blindfolded. The black band that Murphy loosely tied upon my head made it virtually impossible to see a speck of anything. Though, it was as if my other senses were heightened, because I could now actually see what Murphy was doing without even _seeing_ him. Exaggeratingly clearing my throat, I twisted my head towards his direction, declaring, "Alright, now you've got a good look at my breasts. Let's keep going, shall we?"

"Sorry."

I burst out in laughter at the fact that my instincts were correct. With Murphy joining in a few moments later, I placed my hand on his thigh, rightly excited to find out where he was taking me.

After about fifteen minutes of comfortable silence, I slightly heard the squeal of the brakes and could feel the car slowing down to a stop. Murphy then piped up, "We're 'ere!"

Helping me to take my blindfold off, he gave me a peck on the lips. I beamed as my eyes fluttered open, immediately surveying my surroundings. Instantly knowing exactly where we were, I grinned, my eyes twinkling with delight. Embracing Murphy, I exclaimed, "Oh my God! After all these years, it's still here!"

Just a few meters from us stood The Treehouse. In our childhood, that's what Murphy and I called it, really. We never had a proper name for it, or were probably just too lazy to think of one, but that didn't really matter to us. What really mattered was that it became our haven, our refuge from everything life threw at us. For months during our teenage years, Murphy and I retreated to this wooden house, even managing to fall asleep all through the night in each other's arms once. We would spend hours within it playing games, talking about everything, anything and nothing at all, or just listening to each other's silence. Though, the fondest memory I had of this place was definitely when Murphy gave me my first real kiss. (My first several kisses, rather.) Little did Murphy know that that one night (or morning) really had a long-lasting impact on my life.

"It surprised me, too. I was just drivin' past it one day and it brought back a lot o' memories." Murphy meekly informed me as he rubbed the nape of his neck. With a shrug, he admitted, "I just thought I'd take ye back 'ere since it had good memories for us."

"I think you're getting soft, MacManus." I poked, pressing my lips upon his and taking his hand in mine. "But I really do like this thoughtful side of you."

Murphy smirked mischievously. "Is that a euphemism for "Murphy, yer gonna get more sex"?"

"Murphy!"

He confidently shrugged with a pout. "Can't blame an Irishman for tryin'." Motioning his head towards the treehouse, he smiled, "Well, are we just gonna sit 'ere all day at look at it or are we actually gonna relive our childhood?"

Before I could warn him about the dangers of climbing such an old thing, Murphy was already out of the car and gleefully jogging towards the massive oak. Following his lead, I observed the structure, trying to see if it could actually hold the both of us. It was surprisingly not as dilapidated as it should be after ten years; rather, it seemed as though it had only grown more beautiful with time. The wood had turned into a darker shade of brown, and more branches and leaves jutted out from the trunk, somewhat making an umbrella above it. As Murphy began to climb step by step, the structure did seem steady enough, relieving some of my anxiety. Closing in behind him, I climbed as quickly as I could, still fearing that one of the steps would suddenly break off. Taking Murphy's outstretched arm, I had to crawl in my knees to enter, but was able to actually sit up comfortably without hitting the roof. Letting out a sigh in wonder, I let my gaze wander around the enclosed cubicle, finding myself awash with memories.

"Oh, Murphy look!" I piped up cheerfully, pointing to a side wall on which our initials were engraved within a heart. "Remember that?"

"Mmm, how could I forget?" Slinking his arms around me, Murphy held me to his chest, leaning his chin upon the crook of my neck. "We did it the day before I left for Boston."

I gave him a playful nudge with my elbow. "Aye, when I actually thought we'd be together longer than 24 hours afterwards."

Now turning to fully face me, Murphy placed his hands upon my shoulders and then began to rub the sides of my upper arms. With a long exhale, he declared, "I'm really sorry I didn't tell ye that I was gonna leave sooner. I really should have, but it was just really hard. I thought about tellin' ye the night Con and I found out, but I thought that it would've been better if we just made most of the time that was left, ya know? Without worryin' 'bout anythin'…"

I repeatedly nodded through his explanation, wholly understanding his reasoning all those years ago. Tracing the side of his cheek with the tips of my fingers, I replied truthfully, "I'm not bitter at all, Murphy, not one bit. I knew you did what you thought was best and that you had to do what you had to do. We were both young and had the rest of our lives ahead of us." I began to nibble at his lips, pressing my forehead upon his. "Who knew that that one decision would've affected our lives now?"

I felt Murphy nod in agreement, entwining his fingers with mine. "I do have one regret, though." When I slightly pulled away to look in his eyes, he fumbled, "It still kinda sucks for me that…ye know…I wasn't…yer 'first'."

"I wish you had been. I really do." I gave him a solemn grin, having had those same thoughts all those years ago. Resting my head lightly upon his chest, I piped up more cheerfully, "If it means anything, you were my first kiss?"

"Aye?" Genuinely incredulous, Murphy's eyes widened at this. Giving me a playful nudge, he poked, "I thought 'twas that lad, Gordon what's-his-name?"

"Didn't count." I replied curtly, leaning forward as I gave him another peck upon his rosy, slick lips. "Besides…you were _much_, much better."

He beamed proudly at this proclamation, even puffing out his chest for effect. "Damn straight!"

A thought suddenly crossed my mind. Shocking even myself at even thinking this, I gripped Murphy's hand more tightly, shifting closer to him. My heart continuously pounded as I began to speak. "Even though you weren't my first," I slowly began, slightly shaking as Murphy's orbs patiently observed me. Swallowing, I finished my sentence by croaking out almost inaudibly, "…you can work on being my last?"

Almost automatically, Murphy's eyebrows both raised in complete bewilderment. "W-what?"

Slowly pinning him upon the floor and lightly straddling him, I gave him a curt nod. "Aye, Murphy MacManus, I'm proposin' to ye."

He was even _more_ dumbfounded by this declaration. When Murphy found some of his senses once more, he gently rolled me over, pinning me upon the floor as he protested, "Oi, the lady doesn't do the proposin'! The man has ta do it!"

A teasing smirk formed upon my lips. "Oh, really now?"

"Aye!" He proclaimed with steadfast conviction, nodding his head firmly along the way. Clearing his throat and nervously running his fingers through his mussed hair, he stuttered, "So…er…will _ye_ marry _me_?"

I almost burst out in uncontrollable giggles at his puppy-like expression of expectancy. Crossing my arms in mock sternness, I pursed my lips as I stated, "You have to try harder than _that_."

"Whaaaat?" He replied unbelievingly, shaking his head. I then saw a sparkle of mirth in his eyes. Without another word, he began to place teasing butterfly kisses from my chest, up to my neck and right to the side of my face. I let out a long exhale as he ran his fingers down the sides of my waist, resting on my hips and then gently caressing my thighs. Moving expertly atop me, he nibbled my bottom lip as he pressed his hips into mine. Then capturing my lips fully into his, he kissed me with such passion, such intensity, that it literally took my breath away. Panting for air, he questioned, "Will ye marry me? Be my wife, my lover, my best friend…till death do us part?"

Gasping for much-needed air, I shakily replied, "Aye, Murphy MacManus," wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him passionately with all of the love in my heart, I declared, "I will marry ye."

At my acceptance, Murphy let out a thunderous cry of triumph, ensuing to embrace me so tightly that I literally couldn't breathe. Though, pure elation was a suitable substitute for air at this moment, and I ecstatically returned the gesture, repeatedly kissing his forehead, cheeks, nose and lips.

Though, the sudden groan that we both heard next came neither from me nor from Murphy. With both of our ears perking up at the mysterious sound, we gingerly released one another, now fully alert of our surroundings. Throwing a cursory glance around the treehouse, I questioned cautiously, ""Murphy, what was that?"

"Thought it was ye."

The next sound that we heard was a distinct crack, coming from right beneath us. I repeatedly shook my head, wide-eyed. "Alright, that was _definitely_ not me." Swallowing, I shifted slightly to the side, examining the floor below me. Peering down with a wince, I noticed a tiny crack, splintering from a hole only the width of a thumb. Careful of my movements, I piped up in a hushed voice, "Murphy, _do not_ make any sudden movements, unless you…"

"Huh?" Abruptly pushing himself up from my form, Murphy's hand _conveniently_ pressed on the loose board. With the pressure of his weight upon it, the ancient piece of wood gave way with a sound resembling a thunderclap, hitting a single branch before tumbling to its tragic end into the bushes below. Crying out in surprise, Murphy immediately retrieved his hands, wide-eyed. "Oh. That's why."

Still and immobile as a rock, I instructed calmly. "Alright, Murph. Since you're on top of me, the most logical thing to do is for you to leave first. Now, slither back as slowly and lightly as you can until your legs and arse are outta the entrance. Then, when you -"

Another falling board, this time from the top of the treehouse, interrupted my speech. With a shriek, I held onto a side wall, praying to dear God that the bloody structure would hold long enough for the both of us to get out. Mumbling a curse, Murphy began to slide from my form, feet firmly feeling for the steps upon the side of the tree. As he did this, I stuck my arms out the side window, grabbing a sturdy branch for support with both hands.

In a matter of a few seconds, the entire floor quickly began to give. Yelling and screaming numerous curses in the process, Murphy and I snatched the nearest branches, clinging onto them like over-excited monkeys. Pulling myself out of the window, I used the side wall as leverage, keeping my feet steadily wrapped around the trunk. Murphy did the same a meter to my right, feet dangling wildly from underneath him. Just as we both exited the structure, it collapsed entirely, sending boards, leaves and branches plummeting to the ground below. With a smoke of dust and debris in its wake, the demolished structure left Murphy and me literally hanging a few meters from the ground.

Twisting my head to squint at Murphy in reprimand, I hissed, "See, now _this_ is why I didn't like the idea of climbing a fifteen-year-old treehouse!"

Scrunching his face in bewilderment, Murphy repeatedly swung from the branch to and fro, desperately trying to get his feet wrapped around the trunk as well. He muttered breathlessly, "Ye…never…said…anythin'!"

"Well, I was thinkin' it!" I retorted with a grunt, attempting to pull myself up even more.

Murphy threw me a mockingly tired look, emphatically stating, "As _wonderful_ a man as I may be, love, contrary to popular belief, I _don't_ have telepathic powers!"

"Why you little…" I then attempted to kick out at the swinging Irishman, growling in my effort to do so. "Damn you, short legs!" Gritting my teeth in order to retain my former composure, I finally focused my attention on the ground below. _The fall wouldn't be too bad_, I reckoned. _We were only hanging about four meters from the ground, tops. _So, biting my bottom lip, I began to carefully climb towards the trunk, keeping my legs steadily wrapped around it.

"Oi! Yer shakin' me branch!"

Disregarding Murphy's cries, I actually managed to slide a few feet towards my target. Finally finding the wooden steps of the entrance, I gripped the wooden blocks, carefully making my way down. As I landed on my two feet with a thud a few moments later, I looked up to observe Murphy, who was _still_ dangling above me. He eyed me in incredulity, attempting, with gritted teeth, to follow my lead. "Did I ever tell ye heights made me queasy?"

Groaning, I yelled through cupped palms, "Just climb those three branches to your right, make your way to the trunk, and get a foothold on that second step!"

"Do I _look_ like a monkey to ye?" Murphy irritably mumbled to himself. In fear that I may have heard that, he snapped, "Don't answer that!" In the midst of a few grunts and groans in his wake, he finally managed to make his way to the very last branch with the agility of a one hundred year old tortoise. He stuck out his tongue to the side of his lips, deep in concentration. With perspiration cascading down the side of his face, Murphy smiled in relief as his foot finally made contact with the first wooden step. Though, just as he reached the second step, the branch which he held in his right had suddenly snapped, sending him off balance. With a gasp, I watched him slip from the step and free-fall from the mighty oak, landing with a muffled thud in the nearby bushes below.

Immediately jogging to his side, I heard him groan as he began to move and brush away the numerous foliage and dirt from his face. I frantically questioned, "Oh my God, Murphy, are you hurt? Did you break anything?"

Irritably pulling a twig from underneath him, he mumbled through squinted eyes, "Aside from a bruised ego and the thorn stuck up me arse, I'm fine and dandy."

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**A/N: How appropriate that the song that I chose was by a band called "Between the Trees". I didn't even plan that! haha One more chapter to go. Hope you guys enjoyed this one! xx IFHD**


	31. End of the Beginning

**A/N: First and foremost, I would like to thank you for getting all the way to the end! (I myself am surprised I finished another story -- I have a bad habit of starting a story and never finishing!) I really appreciate all of your patience and continuous support. I really wouldn't have had as much inspiration if it weren't for those reviews and hits. Special thanks to those who reviewed: ivyshortcake, BloodStainedRosePettles, Sith Happens, penscratch, BelhavenOnTap, Bleeding Epiphony, Jade Opal, Nellie and XxXRoseVixenXxX. You guys are awesome!**

**For those who are sad to see this end, never fear - a sequel's in the works! It's called "Even in Heaven II: Saints' Scourge". Who's happy about that?**

**To help hold you over as I work on the sequel, check out my other MurphyOC entitled "Into The Dark".**

**Hope you all enjoy this last chapter! xx IFHD**

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**Chapter 31: End of the Beginning**

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_**"Glory/Us"**_

_**By: Acceptance**_

_Cold and wired  
I've been fired  
Everything you said to me goes well  
Everything you said that you said  
Said you're seeing right through me  
Could be pulling you to me  
Nothing seems to be working  
Throwing all my intentions on the, on the..._

_All tied in one  
Honesty waits here forever  
I've been undone  
Glory and us come together_

_Beautiful is my picture  
Throw it up in the spotlight  
The setting seems to be working  
Throwing all my intentions on the, on the..._

_All tied in one  
Honesty waits here forever  
I've been undone  
Glory and us come together_

_And I'll see this through  
Everything you said before  
And I'll see this through_

_All tied in one  
All tied in one_

_Everything changes the colours we see (All tied in one)  
Constant reminder of all that we should  
Taking it back (All tied in one)  
Turning around, turning around (Glory and us come to...)  
Everything changes the colours we see (All tied in one)  
Constant reminder of all that we should (Honesty waits here forever)  
Turning around, turning around (I've been undone)  
Glory is waiting_

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"…and before we knew it, we were fallin' down along with the bloody treehouse!"

Raucous laughter, which our story had elicited from the rest of the MacManuses, sounded throughout the entire house. Though, judging by its volume, it sounded, most likely, throughout the entire _neighbourhood_ as well! With heaving chests and fists freely banging upon the dinner table, their laughter continued for what seemed to be hours. Fingers then ensued to be pointed in ridicule at Murphy's numerous bandages around the head, arms and legs as my story finally shed some light upon the truth as to how he had managed to incur his injuries in the first place. Needless to say, Murphy's tall tale about him merely "tripping on Connor's big jug of hair gel and subsequently falling down the stairs" _didn't_ check out!

I couldn't help but choke on my own giggles and finally burst out in guffaws along with the rest of the MacManuses – save for Murphy, of course. The mummy-like Irishman merely sat stock still with an unamused expression on his face, eyes squinted, hands crossed upon his chest, as he silently mocked our laughter by making faces. I sent him a rueful expression after a few moments, though I still couldn't wipe the smirk off my face. With a playful pout, I took his hand in mine, reassuring him that at least _someone_ at this table felt a grain of pity for him – even if it were only a _tiny_ grain!

As his giggles finally subsided, Connor shook his head in sheer incredulity. Taking a languid sip of his nearby beer, he commented lightly, "I can believe that Murph actually fell outta a bloody tree," Murphy growled at this point, though Connor mirthfully continued whilst ignoring him, "but what I can't believe is that the two o' ye are gettin' _married_. Married?" He paused with a sharp sigh, eyes slyly shifting to his twin as he playfully nudged me. In a mock whisper, he admitted through tight lips, "I feel sorry for ye, Lourdes, I really do."

It was Murphy who then retaliated, wielding his fork in front of him in a dangerous motion to stab at his brother's chest. "Oi, Charlie Bronson, why don't ye go get yerself a girlfriend, huh? _Then_ we'll see which brave soul can actually stand livin' with _ye_!"

A chorus of low whistles and "ooohhh's" sounded around the table as the unsurprising bickering began. Expectant eyes were all on Connor to await his rebuttal. In response, the blonde Irishman coolly smirked, sitting back upon his chair in a relaxed position. Crossing his arms and raising a complacent brow, he countered, "Who says I don't already have one?"

"Oh, bullshit!" Murphy barked good-naturedly, incessantly poking his twin on the side of his exposed arm. "Ye ain't fuckin' hitched, Con! Ye walk in on me and Lourdes too much. So, logically, if ye were hitched, ye wouldn't spend _that_ much time wanderin' 'round the bloody house _all_ alone, now would ye?"

Pointing a spoon at his brother's nose, Connor wittingly replied, "Ye seem to forget, _little brother_, that _I_ am stayin' 'ere as well." He shrugged with a smirk, then raised his eyebrows repeatedly at me, "Plus, ye two are at it _how_ many times a day, so it ain't hard ta walk in on ye while yer…"

At this point, Ma MacManus _thankfully_ cleared her throat to interrupt her blabbering son. Disregarding my beet-red cheeks, she placed a hand on my shoulder, beaming as she attempted to change the course of the conversation. "So, darlin', when's the weddin'? Have ye two decided yet?"

I lightly shook my head with a smile. "No, actually. I guess we haven't thought that far yet. I myself am still trying to get over the fact that _I_ was the one who did the proposing!"

"Hey, I proposed ta her, too!"

"Love, just a word of advice: don't rush." Da MacManus actually chimed in, daintily pressing a napkin upon his mouth. "I think ye need more time ta think about marryin' me son. _Loads_ of time, I reckon. Trust me." He ensued to fondly ruffle Murphy's already mussed hair. "I sired this runt, after all."

"Da!" Murphy whined with a pout, regressing to his childhood years as he crossed his arms in a huff. "Not ye too!"

As another round of guffaws sounded at Murphy's expense, I let out a nostalgic sigh, entwining my fingers with Murphy's upon the table. I frowned nostalgically, "But I just can't believe that that treehouse – something that was so important to Murphy and me – literally collapsed beneath our feet. That was the first time in a few years that I had actually visited the place, and now it's gone."

"Oh, don't ye worry about that, love." Murphy beamed at this point, squeezing my hand in consolation. He proposed his solution: "When we have kids, I'll just build 'em a new one. One that's bigger, better, and can fit at least ten people – including our eight kids." I almost choked on my chicken at this point, but encouraged him to continue with a nod. With twinkling, distant eyes, he proclaimed, "I know of so many spots near our place in Boston where…" Halting mid-sentence, Murphy immediately cleared his throat, acting as though he had said something completely inappropriate. Actually seeing a slight blush upon his previously ashen face, I eyed him with complete wonder, taking in everything that he had just said. A few moments after a brief silence, he tried to recover from his 'blunder' with, "W-what I meant was…"

As Murphy nervously trailed off, the eerie silence that then fell upon the dinner table somewhat alarmed me. All eyes were on my form, including Murphy's, as they all awaited my response. I instantly knew the reason for their pause, where Murphy's slight hesitation was coming from. From their expressions, I knew it wasn't the fact that Murphy had mentioned children in the future – it was _where_ we were going to have and raise them that was the issue.

Murphy was first to break the silence, clearing his throat. "Lourdes, can I talk to ye alone for a minute?" Placing his utensils down with a light clink on his plate, he eyed me expectantly, almost pleadingly. As I gave him a slow nod, the two of us quietly excused ourselves from the rest of the MacManus family and walked hand in hand into the living room. Sitting me down upon the couch, he began to nervously pace in front of me, running a shaking hand upon his face. He quietly admitted, "I can't believe that I only realized this _now_. I didn't even _think_ about it."

"In all fairness, Murphy, I didn't either." I replied in a melancholy tone, my gaze fixated to the hands I nervously fiddled with upon my lap. "Actually, I didn't even _think_. I just acted upon what I felt, and…"

Kneeling in front of me, Murphy's eyes instantly connected with mine. Taking my hands in his, he lightly kissed them, never breaking his stare. "Hey, it's not gettin' engaged to ye that's the issue here, Lourdes. You know it isn't." Placing tendrils of hair behind my ear, he pressed his forehead upon mine. "But I want ye ta be where yer happy. I don't wanna force ye ta do anythin' ye don't wanna, ta make such a big change that ye'll end up bein' miserable." He paused momentarily, quietly sifting through his thoughts. He then proclaimed, "But if ye want ta – and only if ye want ta – come ta Boston with me. I promise ta take care o' ye, ta always protect ye, and ta love ye with all me heart. With the money that I've earned, I can buy us a house, a car, and have enough for the kids that we'll…"

"Stop." I began to silently shake my head, fighting to quell the tears that began to form at the sides of my eyes. Alarmed by this reaction, Murphy pulled away from me, hands rested upon my shoulders. His thin lips plummeted into a frown, eyebrows furrowed as his eyes stared searchingly into mine. With a light jerk, he released me. Swallowing, he stood up once more, his expression an imprint of a realization. Following his lead, I then wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face upon his strong chest.

"Then I'll leave everythin' behind." His chest heaved up and down, exhibiting his steadfast conviction. He continued to blurt, "I'll move here if ye want me ta. I can – "

"No." Repeatedly shaking my head, I firmly declared, "You don't need to do _anything_ for me, Murphy." Meeting his eyes once more with my tear-filled orbs, I sincerely stated, "If I had to sacrifice anything, Murphy MacManus, it would be for you – and if living here in Dublin means living without you, then what's the point? I also don't want _you_ to leave your life behind…" I gingerly traced the side of his face with my fingertips. Grinning amidst my tears, I admitted, "Besides, I've always wanted to go to Boston. And if you're there, that's all the more reason for me to go, isn't it?"

The smile upon his face immediately returned, fully reaching his eyes. Kissing away each fallen tear, he held me even more tightly in his arms. With a glorious cry, he picked me up off the ground, kissing me repeatedly upon my forehead, nose, cheeks and lips as he lithely spun me. Then, placing me on solid ground once more as he began to feel dizzy and slightly wobble, he took a moment to regain his composure, then ensued to tug at my hand. I shared in his mirth as he hastily pulled me back into the kitchen, letting out a cheerful laugh. Upon our abrupt entrance, the three MacManuses looked up questioningly, wide-eyed.

Grinning from ear to ear, Murphy announced excitedly, "Guess who's comin' with Connor an' me ta Boston?"

After a few moments of mock pondering and shared glances, we heard:

"…Santa Claus?"

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**THE END OF PART I OF "EVEN IN HEAVEN"**

**KEEP AN EYE OUT FOR THE SECOND INSTALLMENT, "EVEN IN HEAVEN II: SAINTS' SCOURGE", COMING SOON!**

**For automatic updates on the sequel, just save me on your Author Alert list if you haven't already done so. Till next time! xx IFHD**


	32. SEQUEL IS UP!

**THE SEQUEL, "EVEN IN HEAVEN II: SAINTS' SCOURGE" IS UP!**

**Enjoy, everyone! xx IFHD **


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